Go into debt for IVF with sif-yay or nay

amother

Yellow

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 1:03 pm

I'm coming from the perspective of never having to make this decision but maybe that's better since it is such an outside opinion.
I would tell my good friend to go for it. Debt is just that - $ - a child is priceless. Hashem could send you all the $ plus plus plus in a minute. Is it crazy to take a loan to bring a child into this world? I would say not. You are hopefully healthy and you will iyh pay it off and have a child forever!!! Now to bring a child into this world without a happy healthy home with true shalom bayis.. that's a whole different question. But two loving parents?

amother

Scarlet

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 1:15 pm

Worst case, you will be in debt and you will have three wonderful kids but know you tried your best, for whatever reason Hashem thought having another child was not in the plans for you.

Best case, you will be in debt and have a 4th child. (which may very well be the same gender as the others)

How difficult is repaying the debt? Will it impact on you greatly?

amother

↑ Bubblegum

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 1:26 pm

amother Clear wrote:

She wrote that above, 3, same gender.

My answer is no. I say this as someone who spent 200k on IVF to have a second child.

Had the answer been one, I’d say yes

BH 3 children are a huge blessing . I’d focus on that.

Good luck with your decision OP

amother

Mintcream

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 1:48 pm

Have you reached out to an organization like Bonei Olam who might be able to direct you on financials? Like what insurance options, etc? I would change jobs if I knew I can get IvF coverage somewhere else and there are such options depending on where you are located and what your expertise are

↑ giftedmom

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 2:04 pm

amother Yellow wrote:

You would be right if there was a 100% chance of success but op says her chances are only 30%.

amother

↑ Starflower

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 2:33 pm

amother Freesia wrote:

If one can only conceive with ivf, no amount of alternative medicine will do it.

It's a lot more complex then that depending on why a person was told to do IVF. There is so many things a person can do for their fertility that the medical world doesn't emphasize or discuss.

amother

NeonPink

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 2:59 pm

amother Yellow wrote:

If the response is that you believe Hashem could send the money, you also have to believe Hashem could send a child. You can’t use that logic for one over the other

I also have 3 of one gender, and if put in that position I would not do it. I would not know if it would work, I would not know if I’d get the money for it, and the only thing I would know for certain is that I’m accumulating large debt which will impact my family I already do have

amother

Oldlace

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 6:25 pm

amother Starflower wrote:

It's a lot more complex then that depending on why a person was told to do IVF. There is so many things a person can do for their fertility that the medical world doesn't emphasize or discuss.

Such as what? Can you elaborate..curious to know

amother

Jade ↓

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 7:29 pm

Just curious- is the reason because you really want another child or are you specifically hoping to have a chance to maybe have one child of the gender you don’t already have.
Like if you had both genders now would you still care as much and think it was worth going into debt over?
I was trying to think of what I’d do in your situation and I think I’d care more if I only had one gender. I’m not saying I’d go into debt to have a fourth but I’d have more of a wanting feeling if I my children were all the same gender.. Even knowing there was a big chance the 4th may be the same.
If I had three kids and different genders I wouldn’t want to go into debt for a fourth. Unless it was just a little loan we would need.
Do you have any insurance coverage at all? How much of a loan do you think you will need to take and how long do you think it will take to pay it back?

amother

Chambray

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 8:31 pm

Not balck and white yes or no.

Depends on a thousand factors. Diagnosis. How many other kids. Potential success rate. Potential to pay back. Etc etc.
your desires. Your husband desires.

amother

Dimgray

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 8:37 pm

I'm curious what you mean by debt. 2 years of tuition in most places is more than a standard IVF cycle. If you can afford to raise another child, why can't you afford IVF? (Asking seriously- there are many good reasons. I'm curious if any apply to you.)

If you just don't have the money on hand now but can put it together over the next several years, I would say definitely go for it. The same way you would find the money to pay for a child you have already. If it will significantly change your finances in life, that's something different.

amother

Crocus

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 8:54 pm

If I were you I would say to go for it. This way you will know that you tried everything to have another child and will not regret or feel guilty years down the line.

amother

↑ Snow

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 8:57 pm

FYI a rav said that if we are tight we can pay with maser for ivf because it’s a mitzva but not a chiyiv because we had a boy and girl already. Bh we didn’t need to.

amother

cornflower

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 9:00 pm

giftedmom wrote:

How will you feel if it fails?

This is a very good question. How would you feel if you spent all that money and energy and time and it didn't work? Would you be able to handle it?

shabbatiscoming ↓

Thu, Sep 12 2024, 1:33 am

Im almost certain that israel does medical tourism for ivf. I think assuta does it. You dont make aliyah. You are a tourist. And it is MUCH cheaper than in america.

amother

↑ Jade ↓

Thu, Sep 12 2024, 2:56 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Im almost certain that israel does medical tourism for ivf. I think assuta does it. You dont make aliyah. You are a tourist. And it is MUCH cheaper than in america.

But there’s the cost of lost wages, flight tickets and possibly lodging. Plus gets significantly harder to pull off once you already have other kids because there’s the issue of what to do with them while you’re gone (and taking them along will make it even more expensive). 😕

Of course it’s helpful to explore all options but I’m not sure how often it actually ends up being cheaper considering all the factors.

↑ shabbatiscoming

Thu, Sep 12 2024, 3:52 am

amother Jade wrote:

🤷‍♀️ I was just putting it out there.