How are you distributing newly working girl earnings

Bnei Berak 10

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 1:20 pm

amother OP wrote:

OP here...
I wonder if the responses ive gotten is from people in the chassidish circles...
Why does her father have to bleed when marrying her off for $100k????

G-d forbid! She should save save save as much a possible for wedding and downpayment for a house. Once married and they first child coming it's far more difficult.
Because the kallah of DH's son had saved a nice chunk of her income while living rent free at home they were able to buy a house in NJ around 2009 when the market was crashing. They are now divorced but DH and I always say that despite her narcissism she was very good how to handle money and saving.

amother

Mimosa

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 1:25 pm

All the people who are putting away money that your daughters earn and plan to use it for the wedding, are you going to let your daughter pick what type of wedding she has?

Such as if she and her Choson decides that they wants a very small and simple wedding on an afternoon that only lasts for 2 hours will you be OK with that?

amother

Amber ↓

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 1:27 pm

amother OP wrote:

OP here...
I wonder if the responses ive gotten is from people in the chassidish circles...
Why does her father have to bleed when marrying her off for $100k????

Maybe if you need your daughter's contribution to marry off your kid you shouldn't spend $100,000.
My parents were not wealthy and they made a simple wedding and I kept every single penny I made for after marriage and was able to find myself a house with it two years after I got married.

amother

↑ Lily ↓

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 1:27 pm

Do those that make their daughters pay for their wedding, make their sons pay for their weddings too?

And if parents make their children pay for their weddings, the kids should be the one making the wedding decisions, not the parents. Kids shouldn't have to pay for their parents wants...

amother

↑ DarkGray ↓

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 1:30 pm

amother Oatmeal wrote:

Can you please tell me what time of account/wedding fund you use to save up money for your kids? I’m looking into it. I always told myself it’s important to create an account like that I never followed through.

I'm not the poster who posted it, but we have an account with Franklin Templeton under each of our kids name and contribute monthly. It is a mutual fund.

amother

↑ Amber

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 1:37 pm

amother Razzmatazz wrote:

So please start making the calculations, forgot to include Shabbos Sheva Brochos, the entire wedding thing from start to finish costs tons of money even on a lesser scale and not a grand thing. Keeping things very simple. If you have a household of 10 people, dressing everyone is costing you money even if you get stuff by a 'gemach' that's in reality just a cheap rental.
Money is not worth much these days. How about the price of eggs is $5.49? Can you manage to put food into the young couples home for less than $1,000.00? Talk about buying things from scratch like spices, oil, napkins, potatoes, rice, butter, bread, mayonaise, tuna, cups, simple things, not fancy sushi or anything store bought.

Well that's the kind of thing that the girls should be paying for- filling up her own cabinets and going shopping with her husband after she gets married, which is a whole fun trip on its own, instead of her parents paying for it, but she has to pay for the wedding?

amother

Currant

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 1:38 pm

amother Waterlily wrote:

I’m assuming she’s 17/18.
I will assume she’ll get married within 2 yrs.
I know, a lot of assumptions.

$500x24months=$12,000
What is that?
2 Sheitels, some clothes, and some linens/towels/etc. for the house?

When op said wedding expenses I thought she meant the actual wedding, not the other expenses.

Op your breakdown is extremely reasonable

But please don’t spend $100K on the actual wedding

Times all that by 4+.
$500 a week for the wedding. Not $500 per month.

That's $52,000

amother

Bone

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 1:40 pm

Chassidish here my parents did not take my paycheck. Although they did take my youth corp money every summer even when I actually worked and that was my paycheck. (It was a card so they’d take it saying I have no use for a card that’s expiring and they’ll give it to me another way, but that never happened.

amother

Opal

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 1:50 pm

Did you ever ask her her opinion?

Maybe she would rather a 50k wedding (and cheaper furniture etc) and get to keep her hard earned money.

If you're using her money to make her wedding she should really have a say on how much money is spent on it.

I'm clearly coming from a different world than you though.

amother

↑ Quince

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 3:15 pm

amother Razzmatazz wrote:

Let's talk to you in 15 years when you are marrying off your children and you are struggling to pay your own bills.
I don't know too many people that believe that children should marry themselves off.
I do know that people struggle to marry off their children, even very simply and there's something honorable and admirable of children that help marry themselves off if they have a nest egg put away from working.

I don't know of normal compassionate people that have the money to marry off their children but they don't use their own money, only they use their childrens money for the wedding.

I'm speaking from experience and BH already have some married children . I am a far cry from wealthy and still believe that my children should not be paying for their wedding. And although it's not always financially easy, as long as their single and living at home it is my will and pleasure to pay for their needs.

↑ notshanarishona ↓

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 3:55 pm

You can marry her off for $20,000. It’s ok to have her contribute to household expenses or pay a small amount towards rent . It’s not ok to decide for her that she needs to put away half her income for a wedding expenses she may not even want

synthy ↓

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 4:23 pm

I saved my paychecks and used it for my wedding, still had a nice amount in savings when I got married which I wanted to put towards a down payment but just then the market went crazy and we weren’t able to buy. Most of that money is gone by now 😞

amother

Watermelon ↓

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 4:25 pm

amother Quince wrote:

And we would all love to be in a position where we can pay for their weddings. Unfortunately, many of us can't. Is it then inappropriate for the child to pay for their own wedding, when they have the funds

↑ synthy ↓

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 4:26 pm

amother Lily wrote:

My brother worked part time, and yes, all of it went towards his wedding. Why on earth should my parents borrow from people and gemachim to cover their kids wedding, when it’s their wedding and they have the money? Makes zero sense to me. If the parents are well off and can afford it, kol hakavod, but most cannnot.

amother

Wine

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 4:29 pm

Not ok in normal Lakewood circles. It’s her hard earned money. Why are Mommy and Totty putting their hands on it and deciding where it goes? I get asking her to contribute towards household expenses/ clothes if times are tough but even that is not usually done. Let her put her hard earned money for later. You are her parents- you pay for her wedding and make it a modest one if you need to.

amother

Oldlace ↓

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 5:44 pm

amother Lily wrote:

I'm curious how this works. Let's say somebody has a bunch of boys and no girls. Who pays for the weddings then?

amother

↑ Oldlace ↓

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 5:45 pm

synthy wrote:

Was this a Chassidishe boy? When did he work part time? Because of course if he's in yeshiva he can't be working....

↑ synthy ↓

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 6:16 pm

amother Oldlace wrote:

Was this a Chassidishe boy? When did he work part time? Because of course if he's in yeshiva he can't be working....

Yes. He worked bein hazmanim and later as a chusson he was in yeshiva for morning Seder and worked in the afternoon. Not everyone has the zitzfleish to sit in yeshiva all day.