Morah’s Gifts RH

amother

↑ Emerald

Mon, Sep 09 2024, 12:55 am

amother Khaki wrote:

(Unless you're one of the parents who is working frantically so she can get the days off for Yom Tov and barely has a second to breathe, is hoping to afford to put honey on her own table, and definitely can't spare more money on R"H gifts for the teachers. Then you get additional pain that your child may be treated worse because you can't afford the bribe.)

I am really sad and sorry for the parents that can't do it. A thank you note and the way you interact with a teacher can also make a big difference to how the teacher sees your child.
Also, everyone has different challenges in life and everyone does the hishtadlus that they can within the כוחות that they were given. I happen to have a very challenging child and this is what I need to do to help him get through the year ( I have been asked to pick him up from school because the teachers can'tdeal with him). Others may have different challenges then I have.
I hope that each and every child is loved by his teacher, every child deserves it.

amother

Clematis ↓

Mon, Sep 09 2024, 3:52 am

The best thing I received as a babysitter for Rosh Hashonah and I have since given them to my kids morahs is a single book (size of amd looks like a bentcher) with all the different kiddush you need for Rosh Hashonah until Simchas Torah. It could be it also has the simanim in. It's amazing now each night and day not flipping through the machzor to figure out if we say this or that and is it with shehechiyanu or without. It's by far the most helpful and cheap thing, can be given on it's own or with chocolate, and of course the note.

amother

Holly

Mon, Sep 09 2024, 7:37 am

amother Clematis wrote:

This sounds neat! Where can I buy one?

amother

Canary

Mon, Sep 09 2024, 4:32 pm

amother OP wrote:

Not sure why I’m getting such a passive aggressive response. And truthfully, maybe I shouldn’t even respond but I feel like I should. A. I didn’t ask for your opinion on whether I should or should not give a gift. I want to. I like to show appreciation. I know it’s a tough time for all with all the adjustments. Not sure why you feel the need to bite. I’m sure there are a lot of things on this forum that you don’t like, much like all of us. But to bite for me showing appreciation to my Morah? Seems unwarranted.
B. In reference to the, again, passive aggressive “if you’ve been giving gifts until now you already know what to give” the gifts I gave in the past isn’t an option. Also, it wasn’t my intention to “normalize” anything. This is my way of showing hakaras hatov. If I can’t find something in my budget, I will just write a nice note and shelve the idea.

My apologies if for some reason this bothered you. Ksiva vchasima tova.

Not sure if you're new here, but gifts for teachers is a very triggering topic. And understandably so. It starts off with good intentions, then slowly becomes a thing, and then it morphs into a mandate. That's how we got where we are today with chanukah gifts, purim gifts, baby gifts and, in some schools, end of year gifts.

To add to that, many are in dire straits now financially. So the thought of another trend starting that will likely lead to another mandate just sets us off. We are stretched enough as is to the max, or way beyond the max with all the hakaras hatov business, that we don't want to hear see or smell any new version of it.

If you have a unique case, and would have framed it as such, then you wouldn't have gotten such responses. If you would have stated that you sons has unique needs and his Morah went above and beyond to help him settle in, and are looking for suggestions to show appreciation, you would have gotten totally different response.

But you came on here simply asking about RH gifts for a morah. Since every one is hyper sensitive about it, the knee jerk reaction is to think that someone is setting up a new trend. And yes, without context, a gift for RH does seem like a bribe, because the year has hardly begun. What is there to show appreciation for?

Bottom line - context matters. If you don't provide context, we interpret comments subjectively. If you don't want to provide context, fine. But then it's inappropriate to call out posters and act all offended.

amother

Freesia

Mon, Sep 09 2024, 4:36 pm

I know this is a very triggering topic for many but as a teacher, trust me, I don’t feel different about your kid based off of gifts you give me. Something I did learn from one of my students mothers that I now do for my own children’s teachers, is every month or two she would send in a small baked good with a little note saying thank you. I thought it was so kind and just feeling remembered and appreciated out of the blue is really validating. (This was a parent who really did not have extras to spare, many kids, many expenses. She would make a double batch of muffins or cookies and give one or two to each teacher, it doesn’t have to break the bank)

amother

Cerise

Mon, Sep 09 2024, 5:14 pm

I always sent a small honey dish, filled with honey candies, with a nice note.

I write something along those lines:

Upon the new year, I would like to wish you a כתיבה וחתומה טובה.
May this year be filled with Hatzlacha and סייעתא דשמיא.
May you be blessed with gezunt, Parnasa bshefa and lots of Yiddish Nachas from your (students and) children.
Looking forward to working together and seeing our dear ____ grow to his utmost potential.

A bribe? Possibly. It's totally allowed halacha wise. The gift doesn't cost more than $10.

I have a child with special needs as well as a very challenging child. I want to bribe the teacher/rebbi so that they have a stronger feeling to this child. I like to give at times that the rebbi doesn't expect anything. I can't afford to give a check or cash cause it would need to be a decent amount (minimum $20 each). Also, they would use it for random stuff and wouldnt remember I gave them, vs a gift...

I liked the ideas mentioned here. My special needs son is having the same teachers for the second year, so I will likely give them a napkin holder with yom Tov napkins, and possibly a honey cake.

amother

Mulberry

Mon, Sep 09 2024, 5:22 pm

Morah for nearly 20 years. Totally unnecessary to give a gift before rh. On average around 25% do give though. Has been like that for years, so op don't worry about "normalizing" anything. I recieve mostly honey cakes and cookies. The bought ones are passed on to my children's teachers, which is still very appreciated because I wouldn't ordinarily be able to afford gifting every teacher. The homemade ones all get eaten by my very thankful family. We wait rather impatiently for morning kiddush to sample and rate them all.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Sep 09 2024, 8:16 pm

amother Canary wrote:

To be honest, no I don’t have context BH and I think I have the teachers to thank for that- they really put their all into making the transition easy on the kids. In any case…. I am simply trying to do a nice thing. I also didn’t ask if I should or shouldn’t do this. I asked for an idea. That being said… I’m sorry. Really. I don’t think it’s required and nor am I trying to make others feel like it is. My sincere apologies (and I mean it) for bringing up what you say is such a sensitive topic. Maybe I should’ve read through more threads and I wouldn’t have posted it based on feelings toward morahs. I’m not a major imamother follower or poster. I simply came on here to ask other Jewish moms for some creative ideas- I do know there are some really talented mothers on here and wanted to feed off that.

I’m sorry for bringing up a raw and sensitive topic. And I’m sorry that it is a sensitive topic at all.

Wishing you and all the moms on here a beautiful new year and Mazel with your childrens school year.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Sep 09 2024, 8:26 pm

amother Freesia wrote:

That is so special. I love the idea.

amother

↑ OP

Tue, Sep 10 2024, 3:44 am

amother Clematis wrote:

I love this idea! Any chance you know where I can get it?

amother

Periwinkle

Tue, Sep 10 2024, 3:54 am

I have a child with additional needs and I also plan on giving chocolates.

I dont do this with my other children.
And yes I do feel its bribery ,and reading the responses here makes me think its wrong to give, (or just a bit not ok) but it is what it is.

Further on down the year it usually is way more needed.
Weve had such a hard time with this child, I really really hope and pray it will go smoothly.

Signed, a preschool teacher.

Whenever I get any sort of gift or card I am always so touched. Its so nice of someome to think of me esp as I only teach very little kids.
I think its such a nice touch.
Once I received rosh hashono napkins.
It was so pretty and useful.

amother

↑ Clematis

Tue, Sep 10 2024, 4:35 am

amother OP wrote:

I love this idea! Any chance you know where I can get it?

I'm in Israel, we got it in seforim stores (went to 2 as each only had 2 in)

Let me see if I can find a link from online store, where are you located?

I can't find it online and the one we have doesn't even have a name on it so I wouldn't know what it's called.
The best bet is to go to your local seforim store and ask them if they have such a thing, maybe go early so they can order in if their suppliers have it.

In Israel it has already been for many years the expected thing to do, if I'm at a stage where I can I do and if not I do what I can or don't do at all. We did this last yr and it worked out very cheap, I hope they enjoyed of as much as we enjoy ours. I IYH will try do it again.