Ds10 wants sneakers that I dislike

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amother

Azure

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 2:07 pm

OP, I hope you don't take this the wrong way ...
I know the look you are going for ( believe me, I always notice how beautiful and put together the chassidish families are, I don't know how you guys do it, literally magazine level!!).
If it's accepted in your circles, but you just don't like the sporty look, it's not worth the fight! Your son is his own person with his own taste and I'm sure this won't negatively impact his shidduch! Wink

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 4:44 pm

kermit wrote:

same boat. chassidish mom, sending to stolin.

some of the things my son started picking out is just...*cringe*. nerdy imho, and also just not what I'd choose for him, taste-wise. I "only" (I know I'm blessed) have 1 child and so I just love love dressing him cute Sad

it's new for me, he really didn't used to have an opinion, but he's almost nine.

I think back to all the things I wore in my preteens and teen years and remember he's the one wearing and expressing himself with the clothes, not me anymore!

so yes, I bought him the nerdy, monochrome tshirts for camp instead of the heaven chambray tops I was dreaming of.

I bought him the nerdy black leather loafer shabbos shoes instead of the adorable wingtips I was eyeing...

I bought him the plain black sneakers instead of the cute venetinni.

ah well. haShem should bless me with more dollies/babies to play with, now I know it only lasts so many years LOL

Aaaaah somebody gets me! He's not my only but I have a tiny family, he's my only boy and my baby. And he's been so headstrong about his clothes since forever. Plain black pants, plain solid polos, plain black loafers for shabbos, plain white shirts.

I'd be happy with plain black leather sneakers at this point over the hideous nylon nikes he wants but oh well.

And yes, I bentch you with another delicious baby to dress as you wish... for a few years.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 4:47 pm

amother Azure wrote:

I'm actually not that chassidish and really not that into my kids clothes. My kids are not those walking around like little models. But I do like them looking somewhat stylish and I guess I'm just feeling wistful that this choice has been taken away from me. And maybe also a little annoyed because I feel he's being very rigid. I don't even care to get him a more sporty look and showed him a bunch of options like adidas and puma and the more athletic geox shoes but he literally only wants *those exact* nikes. Oh well.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 4:49 pm

amother Lightpink wrote:

I felt like you when my oldest was 9 or 10. We’ve since moved on to very athletic sneakers. I still nix some, but I’ve stopped with the more European, classy etc. found not worth it. Boys’ sneakers just aren’t classy at a certain point and good to help them develop a sense of style that works rather than shutting down the whole category. Guide him to ones are that aren’t way out there. There is middle ground once you make the shift into being okay with the athletic.

He doesn't want the middle ground. I don't even go for a super european classy look, my taste is probably that middle ground you're thinking of. He's very very stuck on very athletic nikes.

amother

Rainbow

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 4:55 pm

We usually compromise for the summer we do the sporty sneakers and the winter we buy the campers.
I dont like the sneaker look in the winter. Somehow I find it a little unrefined... What

My son doesnt have such a strong opinion though. He prefers sneakers but was ok when I said I'd rather these.

PinkFridge ↓

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 5:16 pm

amother OP wrote:

Ds10 wants very athletic looking sneakers like nikes basketball sneakers.

I am not opposed to them ideologically, but I find them kind of ugly and I much prefer a slightly more refined look, like a leather geox or naturino or camper style shoe. Something with a little more class and style.

We tried to look around and find a compromise, but he is very set on that specific look. The boys in his class wear both types, the ones wearing the very athletic ones are the minority, so it's not a fitting in thing.

I do want him to be excited with his new shoes, he needs things to help him look forward to starting school. But I gave in last year and bought him what he wanted and it bothered me every day. He's only 10, I feel like I should still have a say. I'm not sure what to do.

If he's allowed to have them for school and the quality's decent, I'd say, let him have them. Hatzlachah!

↑ PinkFridge ↓

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 5:17 pm

amother OP wrote:

In our circles there are plenty of boys not wearing that. We're in heimish/chassidish circles and he has chassidish peyos and fashion issues aside I find the look kind of incongruous.

Don't think he's pushing the envelope. If it's within the school's guidelines, try to accept his choices.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 5:19 pm

PinkFridge wrote:

Don't think he's pushing the envelope. If it's within the school's guidelines, try to accept his choices.

Nah, like I said I don't oppose them ideologically. It's really just a fashion thing.

↑ PinkFridge

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 5:28 pm

amother OP wrote:

Nah, like I said I don't oppose them ideologically. It's really just a fashion thing.

Good. Not sure if there was an itty bitty piece of you that was worrying Wink

amother

Lily

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 5:34 pm

Only a fashion thing? It’s accepted so
As the kids get older they develop their own taste and preferences
Since it’s accepted Let him wear what he wants

amother

Oatmeal

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 9:30 pm

amother OP wrote:

You do get a say. You decide:
*price
*ideological vetoes - if there was an ideological reason to veto it you could and would
*sole/ fit - if you feel a shoe isn't going to be a good/safe fit for some reason, you veto it

But it is his foot so he also gets a say....on absolutely nothing but aesthetics.

I feel you OP. My kids have chosen shoes that I find ugly on more than one occasion. I buy them anyways because I choose literally everything else about the shoe. But when they say, "Mama do you like it?" I answer honestly and say, "I don't love it, if it were me I would've bought that shoe, but it's your foot and you're the one wearing them, so you're the one who has to like it, not me. Do YOU like it?" And they say, "YES!" to which I respond, "Then that's what matters, isn't it?" It's good practice for if peers say they don't like what they wear.

Sometimes it makes me kinda sad that I can't choose the shoes I want for them (I mean I can but I choose not to be that mom) but I know I am doing the right thing.

I do love baby/toddler shoes, they are so cute and at that age *I* am the one who gets to choose lol. Well within confines of best fit, anyways.

(DS13 refused sandals this summer insisting on black sneakers. Sigh.)

amother

Aquamarine

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 9:55 pm

I am only too happy when my 10 year old chooses a shoe and wears it. I have so many things to worry about why make this one of then.

imaima

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 10:57 pm

amother OP wrote:

My point was that he knew before he looked that he was going to say no.

Relax
It’s not about you

amother

Ghostwhite

Tue, Aug 27 2024, 1:22 pm

Yes, he gets to pick.
And you'll score points if you're gracious about it!
Years later my kids look at pictures and say, "Ma, you let us wear THAT!"

This approach is a WIN in the long term!

amother

↑ OP

Mon, Sep 09 2024, 4:37 pm

Update

I got him the sneakers he wanted. They look as terrible as I thought they would.

But even worse, they're not holding his foot well. The smaller size was just-just, and the bigger size is a little big, but the way it's designed it's not staying on very nicely and I can tell from how he's walking and running that they're somewhat clumsy. Ill-fitting shoes that make the kid sound clumsy when they walk is one of my pet peeves.

He's thrilled of course, and says they fit him perfectly and he can run and play great.

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