Do your preteens have a bedtime?

amother

Thu, Sep 05 2024, 11:57 pm

What time do your 10-13 year olds go to sleep? My preteens insist all their friends are up until 11 and will oftentimes still be up at midnight. I need to go to sleep earlier as I’m woken up at night by the baby and need to wake up early to get kids out and go to work but I can’t fall asleep knowing that my kids are up and wondering around the house. Does everyone stay up past midnight waiting for their big kids to go to sleep?

srbmom

Fri, Sep 06 2024, 12:14 am

My 13yo I try to have in her room by 9:45 on a school night. But then she can read, talk to friends on the phone and listen to music. She's usually sleeping by 10:15

amother

Steelblue

Fri, Sep 06 2024, 12:37 am

amother Clear wrote:

My 11 & 12 year old kids generally go to bed at around 10:30. I often go to bed before them.

If you go to bed before them, how do you ensure they go to bed at all? Mine wouldn't, they'd just keep playing and talking past midnight.

amother

Cadetblue ↓

Fri, Sep 06 2024, 6:51 am

My 11 year old has an 8 pm bedtime. Since that is early, she has to stay in her room with the lights out at that point, but she can read in bed with a small light until later, until she decides to go to sleep.

amother

Smokey ↓

Fri, Sep 06 2024, 8:01 am

Yes they do. Most kids that age are not mature enough to make sure they're getting enough sleep. I think it's doing kids a huge disservice to allow them this autonomy at the expense of the necessary sleep for them to function well the next day. I work in a school and you can't imagine how much kids are affected by lack of sleep. Physically, emotionally, socially, behaviorally. It's a huge issue. Once they're in HS I expect them to be in their rooms and quiet by a certain time but I don't actually enforce anything beyond that. That's in order to encourage healthy sleep habits, and also out of respect for the household. But they have more agency over their sleep times and they learn what the natural consequences are.

amother

Forestgreen ↓

Fri, Sep 06 2024, 8:11 am

Mine has adhd and bedtime has always been an issue for her. The doctor used to be concerned but once she turned 9 he said “they’re all like that”. So apparently typical kids stop sleeping at age 9 lol

amother

Junglegreen ↓

Fri, Sep 06 2024, 8:12 am

In their bedroom at 9:30 where they can be on the phone, read, listen to music on headphones or do whatever they want that is not disruptive to the other sleeping kids. And in bed by 10.

amother

Feverfew

Fri, Sep 06 2024, 8:30 am

11 year old goes to bed around 8. Reads in bed for a while. By 9 asleep. On her own. 13 year old sometimes does it her own bedtime by 830. If tired. If stressed needs encouragement. By 9. But I am strict about bedtime because I am big believer in getting sleep.

amother

Amaryllis

Fri, Sep 06 2024, 8:33 am

When I was a kid my bedtime was 9:30 until I was around 15, after that I used to go to sleep on my own around 10-10:30 most nights.
My teenage sister goes to sleep at midnight or later most nights. She is irritable most of the time and I believe it’s related to her bedtime.

amother

Tanzanite

Fri, Sep 06 2024, 8:46 am

amother Nutmeg wrote:

My 12yo needs to be in her room and ready for bed by 10, lights out at 10 30

My 10yo is in bed by 9

Exactly the same in my house

amother

Heather

Fri, Sep 06 2024, 9:13 am

My 13 year old no longer has an official bed time, but he does have a device bed time (9) and a must be upstairs getting ready for bed time (10). He gets in the shower at 10, and then gets into bed and listens to an audiobook (he has a speaker in his room, the audiobooks are on my tablet and he tells me what he wants and I send it to play on his speaker). He's usually asleep before 11, which is around when I get into bed myself. There have been nights where he is still awake at 11 and may have fallen asleep after me, but I know he's in bed trying to fall asleep. If he isn't asleep by 11, it's not for lack of trying, so I know he's not wandering around doing whatever he wants.

My 11 year old has all of the above, but 45 minutes earlier. He prefers to read in bed rather than listen to an audiobook and is generally asleep by 10, 10:15. My younger kids have a much more regimented bed time structure, but I start phasing that out around age 9 to more what my older kids do.

amother

Dandelion

Fri, Sep 06 2024, 9:39 am

Your starting point is understanding that a sentence that begins with "all my friends" is a gross exaggeration.
Depending what time the kid needs to get up is the answer and how much sleep they need....some kids do need more than others.
My 13 year old aims for lights out 9:15 with half HR wind down before.
He's up 6:15.

giftedmom ↓

Fri, Sep 06 2024, 9:41 am

lol to all the perfect parents out here. My pre-teen is in bed by 11 if I’m lucky but most nights it’s closer to 12. I encourage but don’t force.

amother

↑ Clear ↓

Fri, Sep 06 2024, 9:59 am

amother Cadetblue wrote:

She has to be in her room by 8 with lights out? Why??? What time does she have to get up?

amother

Oldlace

Fri, Sep 06 2024, 10:33 am

I usually go to sleep before my 13 year old. But she’s very responsible and doesn’t stay up too late. If she gave me trouble waking up in the morning, I would definitely give her a bedtime. But bh she wakes up on her own and is ready on time