3 year old doesn’t listen

amother

Wed, Sep 04 2024, 11:48 pm

My 3 year old who is BA”H a very bright child and advanced for her age doesn’t listen to anything I tell her. If she has in her head that she wants something or wants to do something she’ll scream and tantrum until we give in. For example if she wants a snack by supper time and I’ll say after she’ll ask again and again and start crying until I just give in. Or if it’s cold out but she wants to wear a thin dress instead of the sweater she’ll do the same. It’s not like she even lets me explain or listen to an alternative. Is this regular for a girl her age? She’s my first so I don’t know.

amother

Scarlet

Thu, Sep 05 2024, 12:25 am

My nearly 3 yrs old does it, my kids are known to be stubborn but I don't give in.
Her babysitter last yr gave in to her alot if she cried so she thinks if I cry I will get it.
We choose which battles to pick, eg thin dress let her wear it in the house if you can add a sweater and later on before leaving try change her. Once she has 'won' that 'fight' it gives her the feeling of I have a say and later it isn't even an issue to change.
For snack before dinner if you are ok with it offer her a piece of vegetable instead. 'if you want a snack now I will cut you a piece of cucumber or pepper, otherwise we have to wait for dinner, if she cries keep with it, 'I know you are hungry so instead of waiting I can give you cucumber, go get it out the fridge...'
The more she sees you don't give in the easier it will get.
Put her options out for her that she can see. Keep on telling her you understand it's hard not to get/ do what you want but don't give attention for it.
If you see you are getting nowhere you can distract.
Example of what happened yesterday. I took out the baby swing for the new babysitting group I'm doing, she saw it after her gan and wanted to sit in it, I told her she's too big, she was adamant she was going in and started crying. I offered her to put her doll in instead and whilst carrying on looking after my other kids I kept on going back and offering if she wants her doll in it or should we put it away, she was l sitting next to it crying I want to go in on repeat, it was hard to hear but it was the right thing. I carried on telling her I know it's hard but you are to big and offering the option of her doll. After prob 20 mins I asked if she wants to see a pic of when she was a baby and was in that swing. We spent the next 10 mins looking at baby pics of her and that was the end of it. This morning she took her doll and put it in the swing.
She saw I wasn't going to give up and her crying wasn't getting her anywhere... I know from experience it's not going to be an issue this afternoon.

Molly Weasley

Thu, Sep 05 2024, 5:58 am

amother OP wrote:

He behaves this way because, as you mentioned, he faces no consequences. Being the oldest, he's accustomed to receiving your immediate attention.
My suggestion is to lovingly ignore him while he misbehaves and Tantrums, and simultaneously create situations where he can exhibit good behavior. Be sure to reward him with extra attention during those moments.

tichellady

Thu, Sep 05 2024, 8:15 am

This is normal three year old behavior. They have very intense feelings and it’s hard to rationalize anything when they are stuck in a feeling. It’s best to try to talk about it after and focus on trying to help them calm down in the moment. My three year old does well with a visual schedule but yes he tantrums and cries all the time. He’s 3! It’s age appropriate