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Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> Teenagers and Older children
amother
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 Tue, Sep 03 2024, 2:56 pm
We live in Monsey. His entire class has ebikes that they use to get to and from school, and other stuff as well. We don't want one due to the safety risks involved. (There are so many stories that I know of since I know the people personally, it's not stuff that makes the news.) He has our credit card and knows he can take a taxi whenever he wants and we chauffer him around a lot.
He doesn't stop kvetching about the bike. I feel like I'm going to get a stroke from him. He's always been a really good kid. Easy to raise etc. I spent a lot of time with him, but I just meant he didn't give me a hard time.
Today I drove him around for no less than 2 hours, and now he's just sitting and moping and looking like he's going to explode.
I feel like I want to stick to my guns on this one. And I did hear him out for months as he expressed his frustration, but we're past that. He's livid. He's like if you don't listen to me, I'm not going to listen to you blah blah.
So, do we stick to our guns, or, give in since they all have one and it's unfair that he shouldn't. But, the thing is that during this year we told him we want to work with him to change schools to one that not EVERYONE has an ebike, and he refused (which I understand, who wants to start anew). But we are offering to either take him everywhere or if he not he has unlimited car service rights.
It's eating me up alive. And I no longer know how to interact with him. He's 15.5
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amother
Bergamot
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Tue, Sep 03 2024, 3:14 pm
Lol - are you me???? Except you're not since I'm a lakewood mom. My 15 year old son mopes around the house about ebikes. No way for me since it's way too expensive but all the kids have one.
Where are the moms like me in Lakewood?
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amother
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Tue, Sep 03 2024, 3:38 pm
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My head feels like it’s going to explode. I can’t. And I had some serious work stuff I needed to do but I cannot focus now.
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amother
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Tue, Sep 03 2024, 3:39 pm
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Re other mom. I’m sorry. You’re right. They are insanely expensive. But at this point with his car services I’d be saving money. I wish someone would come out and stop this trend. Put a ban on it.
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amother
Lotus
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Tue, Sep 03 2024, 3:54 pm
Pull up youtube and show him testimonials feom people who are paralyzed post accidents.
Ive done this for testimonials from people coughing up blood, with amputated limbs etc who speak about how they regret smoking.
Drives the message home stronger than "because I said so"
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Molly Weasley
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Tue, Sep 03 2024, 4:54 pm
If it's about safety, then it's non-negotiable.
Would you consider allowing him to get a regular bike with electric assist? Is that suitable for his school setting?
You can also appeal to his maturity by explaining that he doesn’t need to follow what others are doing.
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amother
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Tue, Sep 03 2024, 6:43 pm
| Molly Weasley wrote: | If it's about safety, then it's non-negotiable.
Would you consider allowing him to get a regular bike with electric assist? Is that suitable for his school setting?
You can also appeal to his maturity by explaining that he doesn’t need to follow what others are doing. |
People like to fit in and follow their community norms no matter what age they are
Teens drive electronic bikes, men drive teslas
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amother
Lightblue
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Tue, Sep 03 2024, 6:50 pm
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Maybe offering him a really fancy regular bike would make him a little happier. It’s very hard to be different than your friends. Yet it’s dangerous. Hatzlacha!
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Molly Weasley
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Tue, Sep 03 2024, 9:37 pm
| amother Moonstone wrote: | People like to fit in and follow their community norms no matter what age they are
Teens drive electronic bikes, men drive teslas |
I understand that's what he wants to do, but perhaps appealing to his maturity could help shift his viewpoint.
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amother
Seagreen
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Tue, Sep 03 2024, 9:56 pm
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My son says there are e bikes that have lower speeds and can also be pedaled. Maybe look into it. I also told my son no and for a long time he pestered. Still does on and off.
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Molly Weasley
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Tue, Sep 03 2024, 10:08 pm
| amother Seagreen wrote: | | My son says there are e bikes that have lower speeds and can also be pedaled. Maybe look into it. I also told my son no and for a long time he pestered. Still does on and off. |
I think that's a regular bike with electronic assist.
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DrMom
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Tue, Sep 03 2024, 10:33 pm
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How far away is his school? What's wrong with a regular bicycle?
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Elfrida
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Tue, Sep 03 2024, 10:38 pm
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At that age, when the choices are unlimited car service or independence, independence is going to win. It's a bigger battle than just fitting in. Not that I have a solution, but just giving a wider context to the battle.
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amother
Ultramarine
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Wed, Sep 04 2024, 3:43 am
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I’m like you meaning the reason why u have such strong feelings about this and you feel like ur gonna go crazy is because you really feel guilty he doesn’t have the bike . I’m exactly like that . I am working so hard on myself to just be ok with saying no when I really believe the answer is no and the days I can do it and just say sorry dear . Even for stupid stuff like no you can’t come with me to the vort cuz I need you to babysit - I would get so upset if they started moping like I do everything for you I need you to babysit but really it’s because I feel guilty I’m x taking them . So once I firmly believe within myself the answer is no I can calmly go on even if they are moping . I hope I make sense and you can find calm when the teen thinks your the worse parent cuz they are missing something their friends have . It is hard to be the only one that doesn’t have something but that’s life .
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amother
Eggshell
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Wed, Sep 04 2024, 3:50 am
| amother OP wrote: | We live in Monsey. His entire class has ebikes that they use to get to and from school, and other stuff as well. We don't want one due to the safety risks involved. (There are so many stories that I know of since I know the people personally, it's not stuff that makes the news.) He has our credit card and knows he can take a taxi whenever he wants and we chauffer him around a lot.
He doesn't stop kvetching about the bike. I feel like I'm going to get a stroke from him. He's always been a really good kid. Easy to raise etc. I spent a lot of time with him, but I just meant he didn't give me a hard time.
Today I drove him around for no less than 2 hours, and now he's just sitting and moping and looking like he's going to explode.
I feel like I want to stick to my guns on this one. And I did hear him out for months as he expressed his frustration, but we're past that. He's livid. He's like if you don't listen to me, I'm not going to listen to you blah blah.
So, do we stick to our guns, or, give in since they all have one and it's unfair that he shouldn't. But, the thing is that during this year we told him we want to work with him to change schools to one that not EVERYONE has an ebike, and he refused (which I understand, who wants to start anew). But we are offering to either take him everywhere or if he not he has unlimited car service rights.
It's eating me up alive. And I no longer know how to interact with him. He's 15.5 |
15.5 I wouldn't give in. 17 I would. He's still too young.
Does his entire class really have one? He's probably not the only one.
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amother
Turquoise
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Wed, Sep 04 2024, 4:00 am
| amother Ultramarine wrote: | | I’m like you meaning the reason why u have such strong feelings about this and you feel like ur gonna go crazy is because you really feel guilty he doesn’t have the bike . I’m exactly like that . I am working so hard on myself to just be ok with saying no when I really believe the answer is no and the days I can do it and just say sorry dear . Even for stupid stuff like no you can’t come with me to the vort cuz I need you to babysit - I would get so upset if they started moping like I do everything for you I need you to babysit but really it’s because I feel guilty I’m x taking them . So once I firmly believe within myself the answer is no I can calmly go on even if they are moping . I hope I make sense and you can find calm when the teen thinks your the worse parent cuz they are missing something their friends have . It is hard to be the only one that doesn’t have something but that’s life . |
You’re right to feel guilty if your teen wants to attend a vort you’re going to but can’t because they have to babysit your other kids so you can go. Your kids are your responsibility, not your teens. Hire a babysitter.
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amother
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Wed, Sep 04 2024, 4:10 am
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Is he really the only one without an ebike? If that's accurate then you have a real problem. His behavior is makes a lot more sense if he's being left out of social activities because he's the only one without a bike.
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amother
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Wed, Sep 04 2024, 4:20 am
| amother Turquoise wrote: | | You’re right to feel guilty if your teen wants to attend a vort you’re going to but can’t because they have to babysit your other kids so you can go. Your kids are your responsibility, not your teens. Hire a babysitter. |
Depends on the situation. If it's the moms friend and the daughter just wants to go Stam then it's ok to say, I need to go due to obligation, you want to go but someone needs to watch the baby.
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Molly Weasley
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Wed, Sep 04 2024, 5:49 am
| amother Turquoise wrote: | | You’re right to feel guilty if your teen wants to attend a vort you’re going to but can’t because they have to babysit your other kids so you can go. Your kids are your responsibility, not your teens. Hire a babysitter. |
Teenagers have a responsibility to listen to their mothers. If their chores include babysitting occasionally, then it is their responsibility to handle it.
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Molly Weasley
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Wed, Sep 04 2024, 5:50 am
| DrMom wrote: | | How far away is his school? What's wrong with a regular bicycle? |
OP is dealing with DS social pressure, Not need
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