Ppl dont compliment?

lamplighter

Mon, Sep 02 2024, 8:49 pm

I compliment my friends/relatives and the women making the simcha.

Last edited by lamplighter on Mon, Sep 02 2024, 10:16 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Dodgerblue

Mon, Sep 02 2024, 9:15 pm

zaq wrote:

As a random guest I wouldn't expect to get compliments no matter how super I imagined I looked. As the bride, of course; as the MOB or MOG, possibly; as anyone else? No. Not unless I had done something extraordinary like lose fifty pounds or go from mouse brown to strawberry blonde.

I lost 15 lbs and was shocked at how many people noticed and complimented. I don’t tend to notice when others lose weight unless it’s really drastic.

amother

Lilac

Mon, Sep 02 2024, 10:44 pm

I only compliment if it’s something really special or if I really love it, which for me is not typical. I don’t care for frum fashion so a lot of what people wear is not my taste. I’m also the type to only say it if I’m really genuine about it: I don’t just say ‘in love your dress’ or ‘you look beautiful’ unless they really do.

amother

Snowflake

Mon, Sep 02 2024, 11:11 pm

zaq wrote:

Nobody is a random guest. If they went out of their way to come they are a guest. And they must be someone's relative or friend there. I really don't understand it. I always compliment anyone who I think looks good, acts nice, does something nice. why not? Costs me nothing...

amother

Seablue

Tue, Sep 03 2024, 1:15 pm

People should enjoy their own efforts and not rely on or expect positive feedback from the velt. If you think you look like a million bucks, own it and enjoy it. I happen to detest that insipid blush pink that all the frum fashionistas have been wearing lately, and I would be unlikely to tell someone I love her dress if it was in that color because that would be a blatant falsehood. But that shouldn't stop you, OP. You like it, it makes you feel beautiful, enjoy! Just don't feel that anyone owes you a compliment. FTR, some people feel that **any** comment about a person's looks or wardrobe, even a positive one, is intrusive and inappropriate. Others refrain because ultra-sensitive individuals can always find creative ways to snatch offense out of the jaws of praise. If someone says "that dress looks great on you" they will interpret this as "but your hair and makeup, ugh!" or "unlike the dress you wore the last time we met." Reason enough to keep one's opinion to oneself.

↑ zaq

Tue, Sep 03 2024, 1:21 pm

amother Snowflake wrote:

If I don't know you, as far as I'm concerned you're a random guest. To me, not to the hosts. And while all compliments are cheerfully accepted, I would never expect someone I don't know--do you like that term better than "random guest"?-- to compliment my appearance or anything else. I don't even expect it of my nearest and dearest. Appreciate? Sure. Expect? No way. And IMO expecting such things is childish.

↑ paperflowers

Tue, Sep 03 2024, 1:39 pm

I just remembered a time when I was a teenager and was majorly overdressed for a simcha and I was miserable. A stranger said to me, "I don't know who you are, but you look beautiful," and that compliment was really such a chesed.

camp123

Tue, Sep 03 2024, 1:51 pm

It wouldn't occur to me to compliment someone on the way they look. It creates a pressure to always have to look good because everyone is noticing. Dressing up isn't something I value all that much so why comment on it.

Sewsew_mom

Tue, Sep 03 2024, 2:33 pm

I'm sorry you didn't get what you feel like you deserved.

I just want to say I personally don't walk around giving compliments because I hate when people tell me any complement on what I'm wearing or how I look. It's so fake and generic I'd rather not be on the receiving end. Rather if someone did something so kind and special I would make sure I compliment them.
So no. I woildnt have said you look beautiful. but not because you don't look beautiful, but because I'm not one to throw around generic thoughts going through my mind.
And one someone is fishing for one, will give it to them, yet it's so fake from me and feels stupid.

OP km sure you're beautiful. And the outfit is beautiful. And if compliments are so important to you, don't forget to walk around just giving to others!