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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Manners & Etiquette
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amother
OP
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 Mon, Sep 02 2024, 5:33 pm
I am wondering what is common and appropriate for families. Do grandchildren call less when they get married?
I have less energy to call my grandparents since getting married. They live a 6 hour plane ride away, I only call every other month… which makes me feel not so good but they never call me so maybe they are okay with it? I’m not sure why they never call me
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amother
Aqua
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Mon, Sep 02 2024, 5:35 pm
That's quite often.
It's nice that you used to speak with them more often before, but there's no specific standard.
Do you come from a small family?
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amother
Brown
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Mon, Sep 02 2024, 5:39 pm
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I call my grandparent few times a week. They are lonely and its a big mitzvah. It makes their day
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amother
DarkRed
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Mon, Sep 02 2024, 5:41 pm
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How many women with married grandchildren do you think are on here?
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amother
Chicory
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Mon, Sep 02 2024, 5:42 pm
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I called once a week usually to wish good shabbos. My biggest regret is not calling more. I was so self absorbed I could have made more time for them and it would have meant so much to them. Please take advantage while you still have the opportunity!!
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amother
Gray
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Mon, Sep 02 2024, 5:44 pm
I'm posting as a grandmother and a granddaughter:
-My grandkids are still young (oldest 8), they don't officially call me but do call to speak with their aunts and uncles so I sometimes speak them.
-I call my grandmother every few weeks just to say hello and chat, but we'll often call in between when there's a simcah, birth of a great-great-grandchild etc.
-My married kids who live overseas call my Mom every Friday, the local ones pop in.
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amother
Tan
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Mon, Sep 02 2024, 5:52 pm
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I call every week. It makes them so happy and they love hearing about our lives. It’s not about expectations, it’s a privilege for me.
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amother
Molasses
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Mon, Sep 02 2024, 5:55 pm
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I call my grandmother (almost) every Friday.
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amother
Iris
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Mon, Sep 02 2024, 5:57 pm
I have one grandparent and so does my husband. I text them every erev shabbos.
I don't call them because I feel awkward speaking to my husband grandfather and my grandparent never answers the phone
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fbc
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Mon, Sep 02 2024, 6:09 pm
This post makes me so sad I have no grandparents left to call😭😭
I never even met my mother's parents, they both passed away before my parents got married. My paternal grandfather loved us to bits and pieces and I wish wish wish I could see his smile and hear his voice again. My paternal grandmother passed away 5 hrs after my second daughter was born. I still think to myself "oh I wanna call bubby and tell her (insert whatever)!" And then I remember I can't 😭 my husband's grandfather's passed away before we got married, but I loved to speak to his grandmothers and called usually once a week to wish good shabbos and shmooze for awhile. They both passed away within the past 4 years. I wish I could still call them all 😭😭 like another poster said above, it was more for me than for them! Such a privilege!! And made them so so happy!! What a huge gift💖 I'm so lucky I had them when I did. Now it's the memories of those phone calls that make me smile🥹🥹
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amother
Calendula
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Mon, Sep 02 2024, 6:14 pm
At least once a week
Wish them good shabbos
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amother
Cinnamon
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Mon, Sep 02 2024, 6:16 pm
One of my married daughters calls both sets of grandparents from both sides every etev shabbos . That's four sets.
Occasionally she doesn't if every rushed. And if she doesn't see sends a text saying good shabbos or a picture of her baby dressed for shabbos with a heart or soemthing. She has been Married two years .
The other calls maybe every other week or so (married 6 years). But sends pictures on email or text at least once a week. I think once every otehr month is way to little unless tehre is soemthibg u pleasant or very hard a hour yt it could even be a five minute call while driving to work or on speaker phone or video while cooking anyway.
I don't mean that in a blaming way. I'm my younger years I actually wasn't very good at this either. I always felt harried. But as a grandmother now I see it feels good to be thought of and I see my parents and husbands parents really look forward to those calls and texted or emailed pcitures.
And now with video calls and blue tooth in the car it is easier to call than when I was young.
I'd try to up it and make it a routine like write it in your calendar.
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amother
Dodgerblue
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Mon, Sep 02 2024, 7:00 pm
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I would call more frequently if you can even if it's just a short good shabbos call. In my family most of my siblings call/visit weekly or every other week. We are closer than typical though because we lived nearby and my parents were very into teaching us to respect grandparents. For example if we were away in camp or seminary our parents would remind us to call them every week so it's ingrained. With my cousins, some do call/visit frequently and others don't.
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amother
Ruby
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Mon, Sep 02 2024, 7:03 pm
I have one grandmother I never call because we have nothing to do with each other, besides making small talk at any social event
I have another grandmother I’m very close to but cannot call because I have a very complicated relationship with my grandfather. We text occasionally and I see her whenever I have an opportunity to get her alone
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giftedmom
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Mon, Sep 02 2024, 7:11 pm
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Never. Hopefully my grandchildren will call because they will actually want to talk to me.
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amother
Vanilla
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Mon, Sep 02 2024, 7:21 pm
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When dh and I first got married, he still had both his grandmothers and I had all 4 of my grandparents. Nearly 20 years later, I have one grandmother left and dh has no grandparents at all. No, you don't HAVE to call so often, but just remember, grandparents are not here forever. I called every week (with the occasional missed week if things were really crazy). Even when the babies started coming along. Even when some grandparents became difficult to speak to due to cognitive decline. I speak to my grandmother now several times a week. It's easier now, because I haven't got any other grandparents to speak to, and of course, I'm more keenly aware than I used to be that I can't count on too many more years of phone calls with her. Make the time regularly. Please. The time will come when you'll be wishing you could make that call.
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amother
Cyclamen
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Mon, Sep 02 2024, 9:31 pm
Its such a privilege to have grandparents.
When I got married I still had three grandparents, and dh had none.
I called all of them at least once a week. Not specifically erev shabbos, theres no time on fridays!
Then when my grandfather passed away I started calling my grandmother usually 3 or 4 times a week, it really brightened her day, she was so lonely. I miss my grandparents so much. They are all no longer in this world.
I wish I would have called them every day. Even just briefly, to show them how important they were to me, that I was interested in talking to them.
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salt
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Tue, Sep 03 2024, 3:26 am
My married children call their grandparents about once every 2 weeks.
ie. every Friday they probably call one of the grandparents, but might not get around to calling all each week.
We all live in the same country, so they see them at simchas, or if they are both round at our place at the same time.
Or every now and then for various events or gatherings.
The grandparents also call the grandkids.
There's no pressure for it to be in one direction only.
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amother
Purple
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Tue, Sep 03 2024, 3:37 am
Erev shabbos for sure.
Some grandparents who closer with or easier to communicate with much more often
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amother
DarkGreen
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Tue, Sep 03 2024, 3:51 am
I try and call my grandparents weekly. They really appreciate my calls and I feel like it's important. I often will do it on the way from work as I'm anyway just driving and I have the time.
It's usually thursday as I find erev shabbos too hectic, plus the time difference makes it harder.
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