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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Manners & Etiquette
amother
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 Sun, Sep 01 2024, 12:56 pm
Please, I only want to hear from chassidish women who understand my question.
DIL is expecting her and DS's first child. The question is whether to tell our other sons about it. I am of the opinion that it's not appropriate to tell them. DH, who doesn't come from a chassidish background but is now quite chassidish, was surprised when I said this.
I'm right, aren't I? No reason for bochurim to know this; they'll find out beshaa tova.
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sara1232
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Sun, Sep 01 2024, 12:58 pm
| amother OP wrote: | Please, I only want to hear from chassidish women who understand my question.
DIL is expecting her and DS's first child. The question is whether to tell our other sons about it. I am of the opinion that it's not appropriate to tell them. DH, who doesn't come from a chassidish background but is now quite chassidish, was surprised when I said this.
I'm right, aren't I? No reason for bochurim to know this; they'll find out beshaa tova. |
For what reason is it inappropriate to tell them? They'll anyway find out in a few months.
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amother
Blushpink
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Sun, Sep 01 2024, 12:59 pm
We were the first couple at my in laws and had the first few grandchildren.
Honestly, it was weird for them to realize on their own (we moved to them from a different city for a while before and after birth so they figured something was up). Why couldn't my MIL just say something? Chassidish doesn't mean the bochorim are dumb.
I hope I'll feel comfortable telling my own grown sons one day. It's only awkward if you make it. You can very matter of factly share the news. Doesn't have to be inappropriate if you don't make it.
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amother
Bubblegum
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Sun, Sep 01 2024, 1:08 pm
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Not before they tell other people, but my son is number 3 of a bunch of kids and will 100 percent notice as the same time as his sisters.
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amother
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Sun, Sep 01 2024, 1:10 pm
| sara1232 wrote: | | For what reason is it inappropriate to tell them? They'll anyway find out in a few months. |
I think this is why op asked for only chassidish mothers to respond. My understanding (from my chassidish babysitter) is that even their own kids don't know when the mother's expecting. If these bochurim wouldn't be told about the upcoming birth of their own sibling why should they know that their brother's wife is pregnant. They might not even know what pregnant means.
(My babysitters teens didn't know and thought that parents go to the hospital to get babies and that nursing meant to lay down with the baby till it sleeps. Not my derech, but *shrug*)
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amother
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Sun, Sep 01 2024, 1:11 pm
Definitely told the boys and girls at the same time (about fifth month). Why ever not?
Chasidish
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amother
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Sun, Sep 01 2024, 1:11 pm
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The couple lives in another country and my boys are unlikely to see them before the birth. They won't know if we don't tell them.
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amother
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Sun, Sep 01 2024, 1:16 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | The couple lives in another country and my boys are unlikely to see them before the birth. They won't know if we don't tell them. |
Are you telling your girls? Please tell your boys too. I told all my kids (besides for the real young ones who don't understand the concept of waiting a few months).
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amother
Vermilion
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Sun, Sep 01 2024, 1:17 pm
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If you cant articulate whats wrong with it, then why do you think there is somethibg wrong. Do you also think its wrong to share news of a marriage or baby born?
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sara1232
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Sun, Sep 01 2024, 1:17 pm
| amother Buttercup wrote: | I think this is why op asked for only chassidish mothers to respond. My understanding (from my chassidish babysitter) is that even their own kids don't know when the mother's expecting. If these bochurim wouldn't be told about the upcoming birth of their own sibling why should they know that their brother's wife is pregnant. They might not even know what pregnant means.
(My babysitters teens didn't know and thought that parents go to the hospital to get babies and that nursing meant to lay down with the baby till it sleeps. Not my derech, but *shrug*) |
I'm chassidish
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sara1232
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Sun, Sep 01 2024, 1:18 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | The couple lives in another country and my boys are unlikely to see them before the birth. They won't know if we don't tell them. |
Then they'll find out at birth. How is that more "appropriate" than knowing a few months before?
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amother
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Sun, Sep 01 2024, 1:22 pm
Please tell them. They may not be talking about it but may be wondering if everything is okay, hoping for good news every day, perhaps davening for their siblings. Tell them you want to share good news with them. Their brother and sister in law are going to have a baby in a few months iyh. What can be the issue with sharing?
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amother
Bottlebrush
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Sun, Sep 01 2024, 1:23 pm
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I told my 8 year old when I started to show. Very chasidish.
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amother
Cinnamon
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Sun, Sep 01 2024, 1:23 pm
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I’m chasidish and I have little boys. To warm them to the idea I talk about babies, ask questions about babies, and yes, in turn they ask me about babies. They are still too young to grasp but they did choose gender and they even chose a name but they don’t know details. They do know that their parents want to get a baby and will shop around for a good one.
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amother
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Sun, Sep 01 2024, 2:14 pm
Lol shows how much I know! Totally didn't mean any offense.
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Trademark
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Sun, Sep 01 2024, 2:21 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | The couple lives in another country and my boys are unlikely to see them before the birth. They won't know if we don't tell them. |
100% tell them.
They will be hurt that they didn't know. They are not stupid.
If you tell your friends etc, for sure the brothers should know! It's very hurtful otherwise.
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amother
Seagreen
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Sun, Sep 01 2024, 2:22 pm
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I'll be the voice agreeing with you, OP. No need to tell your bachurim. If it comes up in discussion, for example if the couple is coming in to your country to have the baby (if they live in Israel...), you don't need to make up reasons for their return and can let them know that there's an impending simcha, but otherwise, I see no reason for it. My brother is having his first baby, couple lives in Israel and are coming home for yomim tovim, my mom wouldn't even think of telling my 16 year old brother.
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Trademark
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Sun, Sep 01 2024, 2:23 pm
| amother Buttercup wrote: | I think this is why op asked for only chassidish mothers to respond. My understanding (from my chassidish babysitter) is that even their own kids don't know when the mother's expecting. If these bochurim wouldn't be told about the upcoming birth of their own sibling why should they know that their brother's wife is pregnant. They might not even know what pregnant means.
(My babysitters teens didn't know and thought that parents go to the hospital to get babies and that nursing meant to lay down with the baby till it sleeps. Not my derech, but *shrug*) |
I'm sorry but those teens are not the typical.
Sounds like they are extremely naive, not the smartest.
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amother
Heather
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Sun, Sep 01 2024, 2:25 pm
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I understand that many dont say anything put that aside for a minute what is YOUR hesitation? Maybe if you articulate it we can respond better
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