I miss my baby while at work

amother

OP ↓

Thu, Aug 29 2024, 12:09 pm

Hi.

I just came back to work this week after a baby. She's 4.5 months old. Everyone's asking me how she's adjusting but no one asks how I'm faring!!! I miss my baby so much. I was crying the 2nd day after I picked her up from the babysitter and I saw how happy she was to see me, she kept stroking my face. I had tears in my eyes. I felt that I'm neglecting her by sending her to the babysitter although logically I know that she's fine and she's in good hands. My husband tells me it's in her best interest because like this she'll have better social skills and an easier time adjusting to playgroup and school, and she has a lot of toys and other kids her age so it'll help her development.

Idk why I have this pull back and forth in my head. I wish I could just be happy and not feel bad about it.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Aug 29 2024, 12:15 pm

Is it really better for the baby at the babysitter? Isn't the best one to take care of her is her mother?
Did anyone leave their baby at home till they were older and thought it was better?

simcha12plus

Thu, Aug 29 2024, 12:18 pm

It is so hard to leave your baby. I wish you didn’t have to. Don’t feel bad about her. She is OK and well taken care. She is going to love the play and the other children.
But for yourself, make sure to Enjoy the time that she is with you to the maximum. Hold her and cuddle and breathe her smell in.

amother

Eggplant

Thu, Aug 29 2024, 12:19 pm

If you need to work, either for the money or for your own mental health, donit without guilt. Baby at home or with a caring sitter are both excellent options. Of course you miss her, but you will always miss your kids, even when they are adults! That doesn't mean they need to stay with you always.

amother

Darkblue

Thu, Aug 29 2024, 12:21 pm

amother OP wrote:

Is it really better for the baby at the babysitter? Isn't the best one to take care of her is her mother?
Did anyone leave their baby at home till they were older and thought it was better?

I work full time BH and my babies start daycare in infancy as well. I’ve been happy with my transition but also, my family relies on me to do so. If yours doesn’t and you can afford to stay home, then do that if you think it’s best

amother

Navyblue ↓

Thu, Aug 29 2024, 12:22 pm

If you have to work then there’s no choice. I don’t think anyone would say it’s specifically beneficial for a child to be at a babysitter at 4.5 months. The potential benefits kick in at a later age. A 4.5 month old is too young to benefit from the socialization.

I work from home and kept my baby home until age 1 and it was miserable because I couldn’t work or parent well - it was two full time jobs I was doing at once. I think I’ll send my baby out earlier next time I have one but I do feel guilty about it.

Look, it’s a lot better for the baby to be at a warm, caring babysitter than to be homeless.

It’s really normal to cry when dropping your child off for the first time, no matter what age it is. It’s really scary.

SuperWify ↓

Thu, Aug 29 2024, 12:24 pm

It’s super hard Sad

And your husband is wrong. She doesn’t need social skills at 4.5m. 8-12m maybe, maybe, but I’ve never sent out before 6 months. I’ve sent my daughter at 15m and she’s the most adjusted little social butterfly.

I fully commiserate with you. It’s really hard and it’s not fair either. I’m sorry.

amother

Blueberry

Thu, Aug 29 2024, 12:36 pm

If financially you can afford staying home until baby is one, that’s definitely best for baby (and if that what’s you want. Some women can’t handle being home all day with a baby and that’s fine too)
but if you need the money then please go to work and don’t feel guilty!

amother

Pear ↓

Thu, Aug 29 2024, 12:40 pm

Of course it’s better for baby to be with mom, assuming mom is competent and caring.
Is there any way to cut your hours so you are with her more? Good luck it’s not easy.

amother

↑ Pear ↓

Thu, Aug 29 2024, 12:43 pm

amother OP wrote:

Is it really better for the baby at the babysitter? Isn't the best one to take care of her is her mother?
Did anyone leave their baby at home till they were older and thought it was better?

Nothing can compare to being home with a mother especially under the age of 2.
If you don’t need to work and you like being home with your baby then that’s best for baby by a long shot.
If you sent to a babysitter make sure it’s a very low ratio and that you have a way to nannycam and know what’s going on. Neglect is very common amongst babysitters unfortunately. Do your homework.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Aug 29 2024, 12:45 pm

happy7 wrote:

Thank you. I really need to hear this that she's ok and will enjoy it.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Aug 29 2024, 12:47 pm

happy7 wrote:

Yes! It's the best part of the day! I really enjoy the time with her after the babysitter and I hug and cuddle with her a lot!
But is it good to show her how much I missed her bc then she might also cry when she leaves me in the morning, no?
Also I wish I had more energy when I pick her up. I'm sooo tired after a whole day of work, especially after waking up early to get my baby ready and to pump and all...

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Aug 29 2024, 12:51 pm

amother Pear wrote:

Of course it’s better for baby to be with mom, assuming mom is competent and caring.
Is there any way to cut your hours so you are with her more? Good luck it’s not easy.

I feel like crying.
I work 7 hours a day and am very close to the babysitter so it's a 5 min walk to pick her to go home. I'm basically away from her 6.5-7 hrs a day. Also 3 hrs on friday. Sunday and Shabbos I have her totally for myself Hug

I can't cut hours, I work in an office. I tried working remote, when she was younger it was easier as she slept longer but now she likes to play so it became basically impossible.

emhabonimsmecha

Thu, Aug 29 2024, 12:54 pm

amother Eggplant wrote:

So true.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Aug 29 2024, 12:56 pm

SuperWify wrote:

It’s super hard Sad

Doesn't it help though to send the baby earlier than 8m? Otherwise then they have separation anxiety and it's much harder for the baby, no? (For the mother it's anyways hard...)

imaima ↓

Thu, Aug 29 2024, 1:05 pm

amother OP wrote:

Because she doesn’t need social skills at 4.5 months.
Look going back to work with a tiny baby is not a completely natural thing so you are right to miss her.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Aug 29 2024, 1:06 pm

amother Blueberry wrote:

Financially I need the money - we have a debt to pay, that on top of baby expenses now (baruch Hashem this is a good expense...)

It's funny now that I think of it it almost seems that I am basically working in order to finance the babysitter and I'm left with almost nothing Confused

so maybe I may as well not work and not pay the babysitter. I wish.

I do feel guilty and wish I didn't. I just keep telling myself it's good for the baby, maybe not the ideal but it's almost and it's the best in this situation. But the worst is that I feel that maybe it's not so good for my baby... (the fact that she's away from me, is she missing me?)

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Aug 29 2024, 1:12 pm

imaima wrote:

Because she doesn’t need social skills at 4.5 months.
Look going back to work with a tiny baby is not a completely natural thing so you are right to miss her.

Maybe not social skills, but it definitely improves development, no?
She sees other babies turning over and crawling and it makes them want to learn faster, no?

I'm a first time mom so I'm not sure but I know with my friend who has twins she told me one definitely has an influence on the other. As soon as one (usually the stronger one) learns how to crawl, the next day the second twin also does. Same throughout their life. (They're in high school today but still compete)