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Forum
-> Household Management
-> Finances
amother
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Tue, Aug 27 2024, 9:49 am
amother Watermelon wrote: | Op you do sound entitled. The older generation worked hard to build a community for themselves and purchase a house. Yes it was cheaper but they earned way less and spent way less too. They shouldn't be made to feel guilty for enjoying the homes they worked so hard for. Perhaps you can get a group of like minded young people and start your own community. |
They spent way less too?
They were vacationing every summer... We're stuffed in our small 400 square foot apartment full summer.
I am trying to explain with this and previous posts that I am not entitled for wanting a nice sized family. We do not spend more than they did. We don't eat out, vacation, have a car, buy nice clothes, buy expensive vegtables and protiens. We don't own any furniture.
I just want SOLUTIONS. As a society, what should I do? Any suggestions? We both bring an income btw. And it's not about right now because we're managing in our currant conditions just about. But buying or renting something bigger doesn't exist. There is nothing on the market. That's why I suggested splitting houses.
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amother
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Tue, Aug 27 2024, 9:49 am
amother OP wrote: | But they didn't! They moved into an existing smaller community and hijacked all their conveniences.
Most of these women were stay at home mums. The men were in kollel and they STILL were able to buy huge houses in their twenties. In a city!!
Their tution was peanuts and was waived for many many large families because of the hashkafah of having many kids.
I wrote my OP because all I want is to know that I can have another kid! I don't need what they have. I am not asking for a study, a playroom, I don't need more than 1-2 bedrooms to fit all my kids iyh, I don't need a big front and back yard, I don't need parking because we don't have a car. I don't need a laundry room, hallway etc. I Just want a kitchen, decent living room and 2-3 bedrooms. I would love a small garden for the kids.
All I want is a healthy family.
I was just suggesting an idea and would like to hear others opinions RESPECTFULLY. |
If you're not happy with the the situation in your community, you can move to another community. Nobody is forcing you to stay. No one hijacked anything. It sounds like the community has grown beyond it's earlier size, but can't accommodate the growth. Nobody is stopping you from having a healthy family.
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amother
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Tue, Aug 27 2024, 9:51 am
amother Babyblue wrote: | No, please no! One can't ask an elderly person to move to a nursing home bec u want their house! Would you like to be asked to move to a house a mile away, because for ex, your kids can walk, so u don't need to live in the Eruv. Family XYZ on the other hand, need to live near the shul.. PLease! |
Goodness, I did not suggest they move into a nursing home!
I said they can split houses to accomadate their grandchildren.
Reading comprehension on ImaMother. It's really so exasperating to post here! How did you conclude that I want them in nursing homes? It didn't even enter my mind!
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amother
Aquamarine
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Tue, Aug 27 2024, 9:51 am
It's not the older generation's responsibility, or ANYONE ELSE's for that matter, to "ensure" the younger generation has housing in the same city. Housing in the same city as your parents is not a right.
They have big houses because when they bought, things were cheaper.
Your younger generation needs to start spreading out, buy the bigger cheaper houses in a different town, and then in 40 years IYH you will also have a big empty house, just like your parents and grandparents.
What to you mean, "there is nowhere to move"? How is that possible? There's always someplace to move - a different city, a different state, a different country... You have to think creatively.
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PinkFridge
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Tue, Aug 27 2024, 9:52 am
amother OP wrote: | But they didn't! They moved into an existing smaller community and hijacked all their conveniences.
Most of these women were stay at home mums. The men were in kollel and they STILL were able to buy huge houses in their twenties. In a city!!
Their tution was peanuts and was waived for many many large families because of the hashkafah of having many kids.
I wrote my OP because all I want is to know that I can have another kid! I don't need what they have. I am not asking for a study, a playroom, I don't need more than 1-2 bedrooms to fit all my kids iyh, I don't need a big front and back yard, I don't need parking because we don't have a car. I don't need a laundry room, hallway etc. I Just want a kitchen, decent living room and 2-3 bedrooms. I would love a small garden for the kids.
All I want is a healthy family.
I was just suggesting an idea and would like to hear others opinions RESPECTFULLY. |
Genuine hugs. My impression is that it's only really doable in certain communities. And as I said, it can be a big problem for parents. There might be some cases of aging relatives where a grandchild can move in with family.
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amother
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Tue, Aug 27 2024, 9:52 am
amother OP wrote: | They spent way less too?
They were vacationing every summer... We're stuffed in our small 400 square foot apartment full summer.
I am trying to explain with this and previous posts that I am not entitled for wanting a nice sized family. We do not spend more than they did. We don't eat out, vacation, have a car, buy nice clothes, buy expensive vegtables and protiens. We don't own any furniture.
I just want SOLUTIONS. As a society, what should I do? Any suggestions? We both bring an income btw. And it's not about right now because we're managing in our currant conditions just about. But buying or renting something bigger doesn't exist. There is nothing on the market. That's why I suggested splitting houses. |
So find a friend to buy a house and split it with a friend. Move to a cheaper community. Buy a small house and then you will have some equity and can hopefully flip it for a profit.
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amother
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Tue, Aug 27 2024, 9:54 am
I'm in the States and I feel like here, there are government policies that led to similar conditions. We BH bought a house but a lot of people my age are in bidding wars over the few houses on the market. My parents and in-laws are still in their big empty houses and I don't begrudge them it, but when I hear politicians talking about property tax cuts for seniors (on the backs of millennials and Gen z taxpayers) and stuff like that, I get annoyed. It's absolutely cheaper for them to stay put and you can't blame them for not moving when the conditions are such that it doesn't pay to downsize.
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cnc
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Tue, Aug 27 2024, 9:54 am
I don’t have any solutions but I just want to point out that some of our parents “need/ can use” homes bigger than ours since they are often hosting all their married children and families. Especially those that moved due to unaffordable housing.
I totally feel you though - the housing situation is completely unsustainable:(
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amother
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Tue, Aug 27 2024, 9:56 am
I really hear you op, the housing situation is so unbelievably bad in so many areas. It’s awful. I totally get how visiting family who don’t need the space but have it makes you wish things could be different. It’s really hard to not resent people who have housing that is affordable because they were lucky enough to be born in a generation that had access to affordable housing. If I was born even two years earlier, I would have been an adult before the interest rates and housing prices skyrocketed through the roof.
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amother
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Tue, Aug 27 2024, 9:57 am
amother OP wrote: | Goodness, I did not suggest they move into a nursing home!
I said they can split houses to accomadate their grandchildren.
Reading comprehension on ImaMother. It's really so exasperating to post here! How did you conclude that I want them in nursing homes? It didn't even enter my mind! |
She was responding to someone else’s post who sarcastically said that we should put old people in nursing homes on icebergs.
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amother
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Tue, Aug 27 2024, 9:57 am
amother OP wrote: | If you're just here to be rude, get off my thread.
Honestly, I'll ask to have it locked if it's going to go down this route. No need for these kind of nasty posts.
Why would I put my grandparents in a nursing home? Did I imply anything like that?
Also, how big is your house, 2000 square feet? |
She said that because this is literally communism. The general good is determined by others. Housing relocation was a big part of communist Russia
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amother
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Tue, Aug 27 2024, 9:58 am
Moving to another cheaper place is probably the best solution. Any ideas exactly where?
Also, it needs to make sense with citizenship etc. but open to suggestions.
I know Israel is an option but it's a completely different culture. It means starting all over again without family and friends. A new language. I can cry thinking of it. I just want some people that I can relate to.
My grandparents with a big house don't want their kids and grandchildren living outside their city. They want everyone close! They literally drove their kids crazy until most of them moved nearby.
We need to do whatever suits us of course but I sometimes wonder what they think.
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amother
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Tue, Aug 27 2024, 10:01 am
cnc wrote: | I don’t have any solutions but I just want to point out that some of our parents “need/ can use” homes bigger than ours since they are often hosting all their married children and families. Especially those that moved due to unaffordable housing.
I totally feel you though - the housing situation is completely unsustainable:( |
Right but I would think having large families is a bigger value then hosting occasionally.
I just want to clarify, I am not advocating for communism style forcing our grandparents to move. I just sometimes wonder what they think though because I have seen a couple of people do this selflessly. They bought a small apartment with the money or keep a part of the house for themselves.
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amother
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Tue, Aug 27 2024, 10:05 am
amother OP wrote: | Right but I would think having large families is a bigger value then hosting occasionally.
I just want to clarify, I am not advocating for communism style forcing our grandparents to move. I just sometimes wonder what they think though because I have seen a couple of people do this selflessly. They bought a small apartment with the money or keep a part of the house for themselves. |
I have never seen grandparents move out of their house while living and giving it to their grandchildren. This can actually be quite disturbing for elderly and cause them to decline. They are used to their environment and many times a change in environment causes problems. I would never suggest this.
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amother
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Tue, Aug 27 2024, 10:05 am
amother Foxglove wrote: | If you're not happy with the the situation in your community, you can move to another community. Nobody is forcing you to stay. No one hijacked anything. It sounds like the community has grown beyond it's earlier size, but can't accommodate the growth. Nobody is stopping you from having a healthy family. |
The community started out as a certain crowd but then the currant community moved in and changed the whole landscape using the existing infastructure and building exponentially.
What I was saying is, our parents were lucky not to have put in the initial effort of starting the community. They did not have to work to buy their house. Believe it or not!!! I was responsing to a post telling me to work as hard as they did. I wish!!! sounds like a dream!
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amother
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Tue, Aug 27 2024, 10:06 am
amother OP wrote: | But they didn't! They moved into an existing smaller community and hijacked all their conveniences.
Most of these women were stay at home mums. The men were in kollel and they STILL were able to buy huge houses in their twenties. In a city!!
Their tution was peanuts and was waived for many many large families because of the hashkafah of having many kids.
I wrote my OP because all I want is to know that I can have another kid! I don't need what they have. I am not asking for a study, a playroom, I don't need more than 1-2 bedrooms to fit all my kids iyh, I don't need a big front and back yard, I don't need parking because we don't have a car. I don't need a laundry room, hallway etc. I Just want a kitchen, decent living room and 2-3 bedrooms. I would love a small garden for the kids.
All I want is a healthy family.
I was just suggesting an idea and would like to hear others opinions RESPECTFULLY. |
So move to a place where there is housing...
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amother
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Tue, Aug 27 2024, 10:15 am
Do you not realize how hard it is for grandparents to get up and move?
I think your idea us a selfish one.
If you want cheaper housing that works, go to a different town, city, country.
You are only thinking of your wants with this idea. Not about the grandparents and thrir needd and desires.
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notshanarishona
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Tue, Aug 27 2024, 10:18 am
Most elderly people wouldn’t be comfortable with having young noisy kids in their houses. Also why are you more deserving of living in this specific community? If there is no housing where do you expect them to move,
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amother
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Tue, Aug 27 2024, 10:20 am
amother OP wrote: | The community started out as a certain crowd but then the currant community moved in and changed the whole landscape using the existing infastructure and building exponentially.
What I was saying is, our parents were lucky not to have put in the initial effort of starting the community. They did not have to work to buy their house. Believe it or not!!! I was responsing to a post telling me to work as hard as they did. I wish!!! sounds like a dream! |
There will always be those who do the hard work and those who get lucky and get to enjoy the results of the pioneers.
That's life. We don't get to suggest to people that they need to downsize or vacate just because life was kind to them in this manner. We need to take our personal circumstances and work with that. Sounds like the young folks in your community are now in the position to be pioneers and need to make tough choices. It's not incumbent on anyone to give up their own comforts to accommodate.
History repeats itself over and over. So the job of the current young folks is to set up new locations. Your children will reap the rewards of it.
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amother
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Tue, Aug 27 2024, 10:22 am
You realize if the young move out the entire community will become an old age home by definition?
There's a benefit to having young families.
It keeps a community vibrant.
No one is advocating to put them in nursing homes so please stop this nonsense.
My parents also converted 3 bedrooms to a decent couple apartment.
They now have a nice size 3 bedroom apartment so they're still able to host somewhat.
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