Dd12 is refusing to buy new uniforms

amother

OP ↓

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 10:39 am

My beautiful, plus suze dd12 is refusing to buy new uniforms. She sees all the other petite kids look adorable in their tucked in shirt, skirts that are fitted at the waist and hit just below the knee. She's convinced that her uniforms from last year give her that look. But truthfully on her larger frame they just look outgrown Crying

. She complained all year last year that they were too big and she had to wear a sweater every day because otherwise it looked "dysfunctional". Yes, they were a tiny bit loose at the waist but she needed the width over her torso and there's only so much I can move the button over. At this point it's more snug at the waist, but it's too tight over the torso.

She agreed to let me get her the same width in a longer length but I'm not keen on getting something that's already too small. The past few years she's gone up at least one size every school year during the year.

What do I do? I just want her to feel beautiful and comfortable and confident but I'm at a loss here. Broken Heart

amother

Smokey

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 11:39 am

Can you buy the bigger size and cut out the label? Just tell her it's the same size. If she says it feels looser, suggest that maybe the other one shrunk in the wash.
Her self esteem is paramount, but you also need to ensure she actually looks good for her size, and nothing does that more than a good fit.
Good luck.
Also, just an FYI, if she is starting puberty, she may go through a growth spurt soon and actually slim down, a couple of mine went big around the middle before growing and evening out.

amother

Lemonchiffon

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 11:54 am

giftedmom wrote:

Get her the bigger size and have it altered professionally in areas where it’s loose

This. For bigger/heavier kids, professional alterations are a must. The uniform looks so much better on if it's professionally fitted & altered.

amother

Yolk

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 12:31 pm

Honestly I’d encourage her to wear the sweater everyday. Lots of kids do. My dd isn’t plus size but she’s stocky and the uniforms don’t look cute on her. I send to a school with a really unflattering uniform. She often wears the sweater.

ETA I know you said you want her to feel beautiful and confident but I think you’ll need to do that on non school days sadly. Not everyone can look good in a uniform. Especially if you send to a school with a really unforgiving uniform.

amother

Skyblue

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 2:56 pm

Like other posters said- get them altered. A slightly tapered sleeve and other small alterations make all the difference. It can get pricey BUT the girls wear uniform every day and it's a small price to pay to help their self image and self esteem especially at this age.
I did it for my 6th grader last year and was so worthwhile. Doing it again for this year.
Good luch

ra_mom ↓

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 3:31 pm

Just commiserating.

I have learned that some stores run differently. (For example we now buy skirts at one store and shirts elsewhere. If you're in Brooklyn and need more husky fitting shirts, let me know and I'll direct you to which shop.)

I have also learned to quietly buy certain things when she's not around. Those things that look great but she says no to. I hang it in the closet and when she's looking for something to wear she'll often go for it and say oh wow ma where did we get this I don't remember it.

I also spend a lot of time at the dressmaker. I keep a tiny container of pins in my purse so if we end up in a store and I see it needs hemming, I stick in a pin right there and bring it straight to the dressmaker without involving her or making her try on again.

Lots of luck. You're a great mom.

amother

Burntblack

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 4:02 pm

No advice, just empathy.
DD is in shidduchim and I am still dealing with this. She is always looking to size down. If the zipper closes she thinks it fits and it is more flattering than the baggy.
Ra-mom can you come shopping with us? I’m so bad at it. My priority is her feelings beautiful and not giving her an ED or poor self esteem, but I wish she looked her best as well.

↑ ra_mom ↓

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 4:12 pm

amother Burntblack wrote:

We should really all help each other. It's really hard. We find one thing and are all excited. Then we realize we need a lot more to get through the season. And on and on it goes. Heart

amother

Amber ↓

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 4:19 pm

amother OP wrote:

Omg my plus sized eleven year old is the exact same way!!! At the end of last year her uniform was so so small and she insisted it was perfect. She now literally was crying in the uniform store how she doesn’t want to get a new one as it makes her look fat and ugly. Her sister on top of her is tall and thin and looks incredible in a uniform. (I did not take them shopping together).

amother

↑ Amber ↓

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 4:23 pm

amother Amber wrote:

And I did end up getting her a bigger size and had it altered. The alterations cost more than the uniform but it does look better a little shorter… and I think she’ll wear a sweater every day so I’m not taking in the shirt sleeves for now…

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 4:28 pm

amother Yolk wrote:

I don't encourage or discourage her from wearing the sweater. Last year I got her skirts that fit her well enough to accomodate a tucked in shirt and still have her look somewhat put together because I wanted her to have that option but she chose to wear a sweater every day. I think she just felt more comfortable that way. She kept saying the skirt was HUGE but I think she just wishes she was small enough to look cute without one.

Uniform is definitely not her most flattering look, no matter how much I alter it or customize it, but I just want her to look neat and put together.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 4:34 pm

For everyone that said alterations, I do. But the way the skirt is sewn I don't think the waistband can be made smaller. I also don't think it would help. It's a really unforgiving fabric and cut and there needs to be some extra room for when she sits.

Plus, like I explained above, it's really not so much about the fit, it's more her wishing she was smaller and looked petite and cute. And also the shame or that big number on the label.

I thought of cutting out the label but she's so adamant and I think she'll catch right on especially if it's missing the label and I don't want to make her suspicious because then I'll never be able to use this trick again.

I had her try on the skirt again with a shirt and sweater and it looks decent enough that I told her we can start the year with it. I will try to get a dickey for her to wear under the sweater for a less bulky look.
And maybe in a month or 2 when she's not thinking about it I'll just buy another skirt and hang it in her closet.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Sep 09 2024, 4:32 pm

Update.

So I just went ahead and bought the next size up without dd there and gave it to her. Admittedly, it was loose. I moved the button over and it fit her ok. But she decided it was "hugongous" and "dysfunctional" and decided to wear the old one for the first day of school. She wore the sweater to school so it looked mostly decent because the top part was mostly covered up. I told her I'm worried the school will think its too short but she said no its perfect now. But if you want you can get this size in the next length. when she got home she decided to take the sweater off. She went out to play with neigbors and I said casually do you want to take a sweater its getting cool and she said nah. She thinks she looks great Confused

It looks really bad, and the length is really too short also. The neighbors probably wonder what's wrong with me for not getting my kid new skirts.

What now?

↑ ra_mom ↓

Mon, Sep 09 2024, 4:41 pm

amother OP wrote:

It looks really bad, and the length is really too short also. The neighbors probably wonder what's wrong with me for not getting my kid new skirts.

What now?

Put in an adjustable elastic at the dressmaker. Keep it in the closet. Maybe sukkos time she'll change her mind.