Ds10 wants sneakers that I dislike

amother

OP ↓

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 7:20 am

Ds10 wants very athletic looking sneakers like nikes basketball sneakers.

I am not opposed to them ideologically, but I find them kind of ugly and I much prefer a slightly more refined look, like a leather geox or naturino or camper style shoe. Something with a little more class and style.

We tried to look around and find a compromise, but he is very set on that specific look. The boys in his class wear both types, the ones wearing the very athletic ones are the minority, so it's not a fitting in thing.

I do want him to be excited with his new shoes, he needs things to help him look forward to starting school. But I gave in last year and bought him what he wanted and it bothered me every day. He's only 10, I feel like I should still have a say. I'm not sure what to do.

mha3484

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 7:23 am

My boys that age have asked me for plenty of things that I found ugly but some self expression is a good thing and I got over it. They have to wear it not me.

amother

Lilac

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 7:23 am

Definitely let him choose. You tried to compromise and he showed already that he respects your opinion- ultimately he’s the one wearing them so it’s your chance to show him that you value his.

chanatron1000

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 7:26 am

If it's just aesthetic, it should be his choice. And it's good to model for him that you can disagree with someone on matters of taste and still respect their choices.

Brit in Israel

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 7:26 am

I'd say pick your battles carefully.
You have every right to push him to do what ever you want but only a certain amount of times. Choose wisely.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 7:27 am

amother Ginger wrote:

That's what the boys are wearing now. It's not about you. Let him get what he likes.

In our circles there are plenty of boys not wearing that. We're in heimish/chassidish circles and he has chassidish peyos and fashion issues aside I find the look kind of incongruous.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 7:28 am

amother Lilac wrote:

Definitely let him choose. You tried to compromise and he showed already that he respects your opinion- ultimately he’s the one wearing them so it’s your chance to show him that you value his.

How did he show he respects my opinion?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 7:29 am

Brit in Israel wrote:

I'd say pick your battles carefully.
You have every right to push him to do what ever you want but only a certain amount of times. Choose wisely.

I like how you put it.

Ema of 5 ↓

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 7:33 am

amother OP wrote:

How did he show he respects my opinion?

By going with you to look for something that would work for both of you.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 7:34 am

Ema of 5 wrote:

By going with you to look for something that would work for both of you.

Lol. I showed him some things on my iPad and he nixed them with barely a glance.

↑ Ema of 5 ↓

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 7:37 am

amother OP wrote:

Lol. I showed him some things on my iPad and he nixed them with barely a glance.

The point is that he respected your opinion enough to look at something that you liked, which would be a compromise for him.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 7:39 am

Ema of 5 wrote:

The point is that he respected your opinion enough to look at something that you liked, which would be a compromise for him.

My point was that he knew before he looked that he was going to say no.

tichellady

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 7:40 am

He’s a ten year old boy looking at sneakers- he doesn’t need to be refined. I think you need to let him have some independence in his sneaker choice and are putting too much weight into this. You don’t have like his sneakers, they aren’t yours

↑ Ema of 5

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 7:50 am

amother OP wrote:

My point was that he knew before he looked that he was going to say no.

But the point is that he respected you enough to at least look.

amother

Jetblack

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 7:50 am

Chassidish little boys have so little chance to choose what they wear. They’re already in such a tight space clothing wise. Let him wear the sneakers he wants. If they bother you look at his sweet face and let it go. Im yirtzeh Hashem this should be your biggest disagreement.

amother

Teal

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 7:55 am

I totally get your discomfort. But please let him get it when he's 10 so he won't need it anymore when he's 15. Otherwise he will always feel deprived. I vote buy it and let him wear it in good health.
Signed, another chasidish mom

amother

Lightpink

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 11:47 am

I felt like you when my oldest was 9 or 10. We’ve since moved on to very athletic sneakers. I still nix some, but I’ve stopped with the more European, classy etc. found not worth it. Boys’ sneakers just aren’t classy at a certain point and good to help them develop a sense of style that works rather than shutting down the whole category. Guide him to ones are that aren’t way out there. There is middle ground once you make the shift into being okay with the athletic.

kermit

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 1:59 pm

same boat. chassidish mom, sending to stolin.

some of the things my son started picking out is just...*cringe*. nerdy imho, and also just not what I'd choose for him, taste-wise. I "only" (I know I'm blessed) have 1 child and so I just love love dressing him cute Sad

it's new for me, he really didn't used to have an opinion, but he's almost nine.

I think back to all the things I wore in my preteens and teen years and remember he's the one wearing and expressing himself with the clothes, not me anymore!

so yes, I bought him the nerdy, monochrome tshirts for camp instead of the heaven chambray tops I was dreaming of.

I bought him the nerdy black leather loafer shabbos shoes instead of the adorable wingtips I was eyeing...

I bought him the plain black sneakers instead of the cute venetinni.

ah well. haShem should bless me with more dollies/babies to play with, now I know it only lasts so many years LOL