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amother
Coffee
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Thu, Aug 22 2024, 11:15 pm
I went to seminary in 2006-2007 (do the math yourself) and I think tuition cost $10k-$12k. Certainly not more than $13k and I am pretty sure it didn't even reach that. I got MASA and FAFSA scholarships which covered all the tuition.
Airfaire was the standard $1000 I think but I don't remember for sure.
The sem I went to was Chabad and it closed long ago.
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amother
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Fri, Aug 23 2024, 12:58 am
[quote="amother Linen"]I went 35 years ago. It was $5K + 1K for the ticket (which included and extra piece of luggage).[/quote
Linen, what percentage of your class went? And was the cost considered a burden on the average family.
I know you didn't have extra cellphone costs and didn't have a zillion restaurants that were "MUSTS". You also didn't have to go overboard with clothing and spending money.
How about Shabbosim, did the sem help you or have more in-Shabbosim?
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Chayalle
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Fri, Aug 23 2024, 7:03 am
amother Plum wrote: | Disagree. Girls choose seminaries based on where they want to go. |
I know plenty of girls who choose seminaries based on what their parents might be able to afford. Like they ask their mechaneches which seminary is likely to give them a scholarship. I know girls who went to seminaries that are not really their type for financial reasons.
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Ruchel
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Fri, Aug 23 2024, 7:08 am
amother Plum wrote: | They only apply to where they want to go. If I want to go to Sharfmans, I’m not applying to Meor. |
You may want to be in Israel and apply at the cheapest or the one with most tiyulim despite hashkafa is different
Or your parents want you to be in Gateshead but you'd father's something much more light
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Chayalle
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Fri, Aug 23 2024, 7:42 am
amother Plum wrote: | It’s not the only reason.
Many times it’s the parents who are making everyone crazy. Like no one is good enough for their precious child. Or the kid isn’t mature enough.
Shidduchim come from HaShem. But you have to be open to suggestions. It’s easier to suggest if you know what seminary you went to-typically a girl who went to MMY won’t be looking for the same person as a girl who went to Hadar. Coming from out of town, girls from where I am go to all types of seminaries and if you hear that there’s a girl from my city you might not know where she is hashkafically so asking where she went to seminary is a good way to find out. |
Having gone thru the shidduch process for myself and my daughters, I sort of view it as a process where the choices you make put to at a certain place, and BEH you find a shidduch there. So if EY seminary isn't for you - Hashem certainly has shidduch options for you with someone who doesn't "must" have EY seminary.
I had a neighbor who told me that seminary definitely is a MUST, when her daughter was redt to her SIL they only wanted a girl who went to seminary X. They were that specific! So BH her daughter went to seminary X, and the shidduch happened.
Like Hashem couldn't make the shidduch otherwise.
So let's say this young lady had instead gone to seminary Y. What would have happened?
Either - her husband's family would have heard of her. They really wanted a girl only from seminary X, but they heard she is such a great girl, they give her a chance, and shalom al yisrael.
Or - they hold out for girl from seminary X, it keeps not happening, eventually they cave in, he dates her and all is good
Or - he marries someone from seminary X, and she marries a wonderful boy who appreciates girls from seminary Y....Harbeh sheluchim Lamakom.
We think we have to help Hashem make our shidduchim by pushing the best seminaries, towing the line in a million places...Hashem doesn't need our help. He has a plan.
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amother
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Fri, Aug 23 2024, 8:16 am
Chayalle wrote: | Having gone thru the shidduch process for myself and my daughters, I sort of view it as a process where the choices you make put to at a certain place, and BEH you find a shidduch there. So if EY seminary isn't for you - Hashem certainly has shidduch options for you with someone who doesn't "must" have EY seminary.
I had a neighbor who told me that seminary definitely is a MUST, when her daughter was redt to her SIL they only wanted a girl who went to seminary X. They were that specific! So BH her daughter went to seminary X, and the shidduch happened.
Like Hashem couldn't make the shidduch otherwise.
So let's say this young lady had instead gone to seminary Y. What would have happened?
Either - her husband's family would have heard of her. They really wanted a girl only from seminary X, but they heard she is such a great girl, they give her a chance, and shalom al yisrael.
Or - they hold out for girl from seminary X, it keeps not happening, eventually they cave in, he dates her and all is good
Or - he marries someone from seminary X, and she marries a wonderful boy who appreciates girls from seminary Y....Harbeh sheluchim Lamakom.
We think we have to help Hashem make our shidduchim by pushing the best seminaries, towing the line in a million places...Hashem doesn't need our help. He has a plan. |
I agree. But everyone has to be honest. I remember I once had an idea for someone, she sent me her resume, I didn’t look at it and forwarded it to the shadchan. I got a call a few minutes later from the shadchan who said this is NOT a match. I said what do you mean? I called the girl and she said oh I sent the wrong resume. I was like you can not have more than one resume! Be honest! Be true!
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amother
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Fri, Aug 23 2024, 8:20 am
Chayalle wrote: | I know plenty of girls who choose seminaries based on what their parents might be able to afford. Like they ask their mechaneches which seminary is likely to give them a scholarship. I know girls who went to seminaries that are not really their type for financial reasons. |
Or they apply to two seminaries, get in to both, and go to the cheaper one. And bH see tremendous hashgachah pratis. I know some like this.
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mycharlie
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Sat, Aug 24 2024, 10:59 pm
It’s a business that should be eliminated.
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amother
Lime
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Sat, Aug 24 2024, 11:09 pm
amother Plum wrote: | Who says the parents are being milked?
From most of the posts on imamother it looks like people are making amazing salaries and buy luxury items for infants. If they’re able to afford to go to hotels for Pesach, buy shaitels that cost a couple thousand each and have at least two, go to the country for summer, Florida or Israel or the islands for winter break, have live ins and baby nurses, send every kid to summer camp, spend at least $100 on a pair of shoes for the kids, go out to eat for a couple times a week for a couple hundred dollars…spending 30k on seminary isn’t outrageous. It’s cheaper than sending to a private college. And there are ways to make seminary cheaper. Seminaries in US aren’t necessarily cheaper and you might end up spending more. I know people who have priced it out. |
Where on the imamother website did you come across that most people here can afford all these luxury items that you mention? I almost only see posts of how people cannot afford some basic things, forget about hotels for pessach.
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amother
Yarrow
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Sat, Aug 24 2024, 11:39 pm
mycharlie wrote: | It’s a business that should be eliminated. |
It's a business like any other educational institution is a business. And it is one that should be regulated, not eliminated.
Seminaries are providing a vital service, an additional year of learning for girls after they graduate high school. Many of them in Israel, allowing girls to experience life there for the first time, and often with top speakers and teachers that give a powerful dose of inspiration before they get into the very uninspiring world of working and dating.
There is no reason for seminary to be as expensive as it is. The price should absolutely be capped somewhere. The seminaries don't advertise themselves as a luxury, the high schools don't encourage attendance as a luxury, so it should not be priced as a luxury.
There is no reason for parents to enable the level of frivolous spending that they do. You can enjoy Israel without eating out multiple times a week or spending like a tourist, and budgeting is a life skill that is only really learned from experience. Buying a new wardrobe for seminary or giving unlimited spending money is ridiculous. If a girl has not learned to make do by this age, this is a golden opportunity to do so.
Parents should not feel obligated to visit their daughters in seminary. Girls should not be flying home regularly. This is a year away and should be treated as such.
But the hate on seminary is misplaced IMHO. It can be fixed. It doesn't have to be done away with entirely.
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amother
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Sun, Aug 25 2024, 1:45 am
amother Fern wrote: | Or they apply to two seminaries, get in to both, and go to the cheaper one. And bH see tremendous hashgachah pratis. I know some like this. |
That was the deciding factor for all my daughters. One sem told us that once we commit to coming they'll tell us what discount we'll get. So we chose the other one.
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chestnut
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Sun, Aug 25 2024, 2:37 am
Chayalle wrote: | Having gone thru the shidduch process for myself and my daughters, I sort of view it as a process where the choices you make put to at a certain place, and BEH you find a shidduch there. So if EY seminary isn't for you - Hashem certainly has shidduch options for you with someone who doesn't "must" have EY seminary.
I had a neighbor who told me that seminary definitely is a MUST, when her daughter was redt to her SIL they only wanted a girl who went to seminary X. They were that specific! So BH her daughter went to seminary X, and the shidduch happened.
Like Hashem couldn't make the shidduch otherwise.
So let's say this young lady had instead gone to seminary Y. What would have happened?
Either - her husband's family would have heard of her. They really wanted a girl only from seminary X, but they heard she is such a great girl, they give her a chance, and shalom al yisrael.
Or - they hold out for girl from seminary X, it keeps not happening, eventually they cave in, he dates her and all is good
Or - he marries someone from seminary X, and she marries a wonderful boy who appreciates girls from seminary Y....Harbeh sheluchim Lamakom.
We think we have to help Hashem make our shidduchim by pushing the best seminaries, towing the line in a million places...Hashem doesn't need our help. He has a plan. |
How does your last example work with the bashert theory? Sort of shows that spouses are interchangeable?
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Ruchel
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Sun, Aug 25 2024, 3:13 am
chestnut wrote: | How does your last example work with the bashert theory? Sort of shows that spouses are interchangeable? | I think she means you'll marry who you're supposed to marry
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