Compare seminary prices now vs 10 years ago.

↑ chestnut ↓

Thu, Aug 22 2024, 11:19 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

So if the child wants to go but the parents can not afford it, then what? Im sorry but a 17 year old does not get to make such a financial decision. If the parents are able tot afford it then yes, she can decide if she wants to or not, but to decide if it is not financially feasible is not remotely a normal thing for a kid to get to decide.

And why do girls have to live away from home? So many never do, so many go from their parents home straight to their marriage home. And its all fine.
And better yet, why girls and not boys?

Oh, boys also go to Israel, usually when 21-22 y old. They've also been living away in yeshiva since high school.

amother

↑ Cinnamon

Thu, Aug 22 2024, 11:20 am

chestnut wrote:

Regarding affecting shidduchim, of course, it does. Which seminary they go to also affects shidduchim. Being a BT or a get or having parents who are also affect shidduchim. Being poor also affects. Being not skinny does. Many, many things affect shidduchim and there are plenty of boys' mothers (who hold the key to the dates) who will reject for any and all reasons.
Having said that, girls who haven't gone to Israel or (gasp!) to seminary at all, poor and skinny girls, BT and geirim get married all the time.
You only need one. But the way often isn't easy.

I think your distinction is very on point. Because while it may affect the dating part of things, it doesn't affect getting married. I should know! I was an older single and the fact that I went to a "top name brand EY seminary" didn't make me get married any quicker!

amother

↑ Plum ↓

Thu, Aug 22 2024, 12:21 pm

chestnut wrote:

You have to be income eligible. Middle class often don't qualify for FAFSA. MASA doesn't pay for some (many?) BY sems. BY seminaries don't give scholarships unless a chinuch/kollel family or straight A student.
Low income families, of course, will get FAFSA and scholarships.

We don’t qualify for anything BH. But if dd would go thru study abroad she’d be able to get more scholarships. But I can’t have her commit to NY when we live far away…

↑ shabbatiscoming ↓

Thu, Aug 22 2024, 12:27 pm

chestnut wrote:

Oh, boys also go to Israel, usually when 21-22 y old. They've also been living away in yeshiva since high school.

My point was that that poster said the parents should just say no to the girls who want to go and that the boys should also be told no if the parents cant afford. Its not different, in my opinion.

amother

Pumpkin ↓

Thu, Aug 22 2024, 12:28 pm

We live in a remote location and seminary is a necessity for every BY girl here. B"H the seminary we sent our daughters to was very generous with their scholarship plus Masa plus letting us pay it off. Our youngest daughter just finished seminary and we have a little more left to pay.

↑ chestnut ↓

Thu, Aug 22 2024, 12:30 pm

amother Plum wrote:

We don’t qualify for anything BH. But if dd would go thru study abroad she’d be able to get more scholarships. But I can’t have her commit to NY when we live far away…

Just doing it thru college doesn't automatically qualify you for any scholarships. Only FAFSA and NYS TAP, which are both income dependent.

↑ shabbatiscoming

Thu, Aug 22 2024, 12:36 pm

amother Pumpkin wrote:

Can you explain why as someone that does not live in the BY world so I dont understand.

amother

↑ Pumpkin ↓

Thu, Aug 22 2024, 1:08 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Can you explain why as someone that does not live in the BY world so I dont understand.

Yes, of course
- Our community is very small, there are an average of 12 kids in a class so our kids have a limited social life. Often they are friends with their friends by default. Many of our daughters need to spread their wings and develop friendships with peers who are more like minded.
- The level of education isn't the highest, especially in Kodesh. Seminary gives them an opportunity to learn on a much higher level and to be exposed to teachers on a completely different caliber.
- For various reasons many of us (and this is not only for BY girls) would like our children to settle in EY and not come back to live here. This is their opportunity to see the land, the life, and hopefully choose to live there.

↑ Chayalle ↓

Thu, Aug 22 2024, 1:28 pm

amother Cinnamon wrote:

I don't really believe that seminary matters to shidduchim at all. And having just sent a daughter to Israel, I get the whole conversation because it feels like yesterday that we were grappling with it. Just wanted to comment about "most who work on the books dont' qualify" since I got a teeny bit offended. My daughter (from Lkwd) did the study abroad program to get financial aid and there was an auditorium full of other girls who qualified as well. I don't think everyone is off the books. And I'm grateful for the financial aid program that enabled my daughter to have the most amazing year in E'Y that she will treasure for her lifetime. I view it as a gift we were able to give her, but there all kinds of gifts and all kinds of experiences, and if we were unable, it would have been fine.

I mean no offense. How does a family with a seminary age daughter, and presumably other children as well, live on an income that qualifies for FAFSA? I'm one of 12, and I didn't qualify back in the day. And my parents most definitely were not wealthy.
I'm glad you were able to get financial aid. I apologize for wondering that the auditorium full of girls all fully qualified, with total reporting of income, etc....as I too live in Lakewood, and have heard much while living here.

Cheiny ↓

Thu, Aug 22 2024, 1:31 pm

amother OP wrote:

We just sent our dd to seminary last year. The cost was around 35k not including airfare.

I know inflation is running wild and I saw that college tuition is up over 70% since 2020.

This was our first child we sent to Israel. Can anyone tell me what the prices were 5, 10, and 15 years ago?

We sent to a slightly modern seminary which might be more expensive, but I'd be interested in hearing the price changes everywhere.

Like I always say, I think the whole fad of having to send to seminary is pathetic. Parents should not be bankrupting themselves just because “everyone else is doing it.” Worrying that their kids wont get a shidduch otherwise, which I’ve heard many times, is ridiculous and an absolute lack of emunah.

There are seminaries in the US too, and there’s no reason this fad of sending to Israel should continue. It only takes a few parents putting their foot down and the trend will change.

↑ Cheiny ↓

Thu, Aug 22 2024, 1:32 pm

amother Plum wrote:

Disagree.
It’s up to each child to decide if they want to go. My daughter who’s going this year didn’t want to go to Israel for seminary and she changed her mind after a few trips to Israel. And on the trips no one mentioned seminary at all.
I think it’s important for girls to learn how to live away from home.

They can learn to live away from home in a seminary that’s not in Israel too…

↑ Cheiny ↓

Thu, Aug 22 2024, 1:34 pm

Chayalle wrote:

LOL. Let's just say it then, these seminaries are for the rich. If you aren't living as described above, skip it, or send locally (where you skip the dorm fee, so it comes out cheaper.)

Even those who can afford it shouldn’t do it. The only reason this fad became a “must” is because people foolishly bought into it.

↑ Cheiny ↓

Thu, Aug 22 2024, 1:37 pm

amother Plum wrote:

I still think it’s important for girls to get out on their own. Girls who don’t go to Israel have a harder time in shidduchim. I’ve seen it and heard about it. .

This is nothing short of a complete lack of emunah and beyond foolish.
And anyone who thinks they can point to not going to seminary as being the cause of someone getting married later, as if they can make the connection and know the reason, is ridiculous. There are plenty of girls who went to seminary and didn’t get married early too, so should I similarly conclude girls who DO go to seminary don’t get married early?

↑ Cheiny ↓

Thu, Aug 22 2024, 1:40 pm

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

Could you shout it out loud so that everyone will hear it loud and clear?
Could someone please tell me why sem would be such a huge deal breaker?

Because insecure people think they must always fit in with the Joneses, even if it will bankrupt them. It’s sad.

↑ Cheiny ↓

Thu, Aug 22 2024, 1:43 pm

chestnut wrote:

If you actually believe those are the reasons for someone getting married,or getting married later vs. earlier I’d suggest you read up on emunah and how Hashem works.

It seems you’ve completely cut Him, and His hand, in how and when everything happens, out of the picture.

Hishtadlus is just our obligation but it has zero effect on outcome. Results are strictly His.

↑ PinkFridge

Thu, Aug 22 2024, 1:59 pm

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

Could you shout it out loud so that everyone will hear it loud and clear?
Could someone please tell me why sem would be such a huge deal breaker?

Are we talking sem or sem in EY?
As some say, if a girl is going to go on to a more sophisticated level of general learning, she should invest some time in seminary to learn on a more sophisticated level.

amother

↑ Brass

Thu, Aug 22 2024, 2:14 pm

Such nonsense that you need to go to sem in Israel to get married. I can tell you plenty who didn't myself included.

Seminary is a ridiculous expense that many can't afford and just go along with it because they are scared to be different. How does it make sense to pay 30k and then you need to pay for college, wedding, and obviously support too. If people would just think for themselves and stop following the masses maybe some of these exorbitant trends would decrease

And it's nonsense that girls who go to sem are more mature and independent...actually girls who stay home, get a job, and pay for their own stuff are probably more mature and independent. While my friends were partying it up in Israel I was working and going to college. And guess what I got married bh. And my parents weren't in debt from paying for sem. And didn't have to support me because I saved up money and was almost finished my degree.

amother

↑ Fern ↓

Thu, Aug 22 2024, 2:17 pm

Cheiny wrote:

US seminaries can add up too. We clarified for Jewish scholarships that were more generous in how they assessed us than FAFSA. I'm not sure how big a difference there would have been. But my last seminary experience was a while ago.

↑ Bnei Berak 10 ↓

Thu, Aug 22 2024, 2:17 pm

amother Pumpkin wrote:

WHY is it a necessity for every BY girl where you live?