S\O one sided double take

amother

Coffee

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 11:22 pm

chanatron1000 wrote:

https://mishpacha.com/time-of-need/

I actually didn’t side with the therapist here. While I felt the client was definitely lacking in sensitivity, I don’t think it’s right for any sort of health care provide (which I think therapy is under) who provides continuing care to take 5 weeks off without a contingency plan.

“I’m so sorry I will be unavailable for the next 4 weeks” (I think she took off 3 weeks after shiva) “if you need to speak to someone during this time, my colleague Joe Shmo can be reached at….”
Sure it’s not the same as using the same therapist but I can’t imagine leaving a bunch of people in the middle of personal crises hanging like that. I also don’t know many jobs where a person can take off 4 weeks due to a parents death, that’s quite extreme, and I totally get the trauma it causes but at least have some professional responsibility by providing a contingency plan.

amother

↑ Nemesia

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 11:49 pm

Queen6 wrote:

I think that’s the whole point of the Double Take Articles. There is one side that is so totally wrong and yet the other side gets blamed. It’s going on by all of our lives in some form or shape. It’s unfair. But it’s true.

No, that's not the whole point.
The whole point is that every story as at least 2 sides, and most people are only capable of seeing things from their own perspective, and they usually think they are 100% right. But if we had the opportunity to go into the mind of the other person, we may feel a bit more compassionate and empathetic and a little less self righteous. And then we would feel less upset/angry/hurt or whatever we felt.

amother

Yolk

Wed, Aug 21 2024, 12:30 am

One that got me really upset at one side was the one with the brother in E"Y who had become way more yeshivish than his family and wouldn't let his kids go on zoom (because he didn't want them near any kind of screen) to see their dying grandfather. He should have asked a Rav or his Rosh Yeshiva but instead dug in his heels. I really didn't see any merit to his behavior at all.

amother

Cobalt ↓

Wed, Aug 21 2024, 5:37 am

As I mentioned on the other thread, the one where the mechutonim wanted to ban a special needs child from the simchah because she and her children felt uncomfortable.
And no, the child did not bother anyone.
What disgusting behavior.

amother

Mauve ↓

Wed, Aug 21 2024, 9:23 am

amother Cobalt wrote:

I remember it differently. It's been awhile, but it seems there were expectations on the cousins that were not so fair.
I grew up with a sister two years younger than me with SN, and my parents had tremendous expectations of me with regard to taking care of my sister at the expense of my own social life, tests, etc....I was expected to put my own life as secondary to hers all the time. So I found that very triggering, and I actually sided with the relatives.

amother

↑ Cobalt ↓

Wed, Aug 21 2024, 9:31 am

amother Mauve wrote:

It wasn’t the parents putting responsibility on the other kids to look after the child. It was the mechutonim and their kids and grandkids not feeling comfortable around a sn child from the other side!

amother

↑ Cobalt ↓

Wed, Aug 21 2024, 9:41 am

amother Mauve wrote:

Here is the link to the story.
https://mishpacha.com/special-circumstances/
The siblings were happy to help out and protect their sister. Being a sister to sn children it has made me who I am today. I‘m 100 percent a better person because of it.

amother

↑ Mauve ↓

Wed, Aug 21 2024, 9:55 am

amother Cobalt wrote:

It definitely made me who I am today too....not sure if for the better. Maybe your parents did something right.
I re-read it, and from my perspective, I don't think it's so terrible for her to sit with her mother.
They weren't banning her from the Simcha.
And yes, the child DID bother some people.

amother

↑ Cobalt ↓

Wed, Aug 21 2024, 10:08 am

amother Mauve wrote:

Right I remember it as them wanting to ban her. Still, parents could have taught their children the valuable middah of accepting people that are different from us. What a missed opportunity. This is literally teaching good middos.

amother

↑ Mauve ↓

Wed, Aug 21 2024, 10:11 am

amother Cobalt wrote:

I disagree.
I re-read it. She was crossing boundaries to the extent that the parents can teach their kids the valuable lesson that their personal body space also matters. She was breathing in their food, touching, etc...a bit too much. There's a line that was crossed, and the kids needs also has to matter. I say this as someone who was told she didn't matter, because her SN sibling mattered much more.
The accepting people who are different is not negated by teaching kids that they also are allowed to have needs.

amother

↑ Cobalt

Wed, Aug 21 2024, 10:27 am

amother Mauve wrote:

So they can teach their kids to kindly enforce their boundaries while still being kind and accepting of the different. Boundaries are not the main focus here. It’s an important point, but not the main. This just breeds selfish children.

amother

↑ Mauve

Wed, Aug 21 2024, 10:45 am

amother Cobalt wrote:

And I completely disagree. It's not on the kids to enforce those boundaries. If adults didn't manage to teach it to her, then adults need to be responsible for her, not kids, while those boundaries are not yet learned.
I don't think it breeds selfish children. It breeds healthy children.
And I think boundaries are exactly the main focus here. It's because they are crossed that there's another side to the story. If she was just a special needs kid who they need to be nice to, there would be no reason to seat her with her mother. The kids should be accepting. But because she's crossing boundaries, it changes the whole picture.
I don't think it's selfish of a kid to want to be protected from unwanted touching of her food, unwanted touching of herself, etc even if the offender is SN....her hurtful and socially off comments to the cousins I'm sort of on the fence about, because that's just a SN kid.

↑ mha3484

Wed, Aug 21 2024, 1:38 pm

I think also the special needs story showed a lack of flexibility. When a simcha is only one side you can make the tables as you wish and seat anyone anywhere but when its two families who don't know each other you have to make an exception and do family seating or each family of girls having a table. Just because something worked last time doesnt mean it will work this time. Some people are too set on the adults and kids being separate to realize it doesnt work in every situation.