How am I meant to pay for it?

PrairieFairy

Wed, Aug 21 2024, 8:07 am

Something has to give.

It seems that it would probably benefit you to realize that it's NOT a waste for you to go to work even if you have less earning potential.

Reality is, your DHs earning potential is $1K a month. That is not a lot and an entry level job will give you more than that. Therefore, YOU have more earning potential because YOU have more willingness to work.

Forget about the per hour and focus on the reality. It's not helping you to focus on potential. Look at the reality. YOU have more earning potential right now based on this. Maybe one day it will change but right now, this is your reality.

You also have more control over you getting a job vs convincing dh to work more (as you indicated that hasn't work).

Hope you figure out a way that works for you!

ETA: I technically have more earning potential than my DH. I have a degree, business experience, am an entrepreneur, can work my own hrs (so can work and charge more etc). HOWEVER, I am currently in a stage of life where I DONT want to do that or have that pressure.

DH makes peanuts per hr relatively but LOVVEESS his job and will work full time no problem. Therefore, HE technically has more earning potential since right now my burn out level is waaaayyy lower than his (focusing on family, self, community, volunteer etc)...and he wouldn't quit his job if we were rich. So HE works full time and I hold the fort down on the "domestic" side.

You have to do what makes sense based on reality, not on "potential".

Last edited by PrairieFairy on Wed, Aug 21 2024, 8:11 am; edited 1 time in total

ellacoe

Wed, Aug 21 2024, 8:08 am

amother OP wrote:

I am feeling so stuck now!
In two weeks we have to pay the rent and tuition. We have to pay in cash so I cant even put it on the credit card.
We also bh have a simcha that will cost us a lot of money. Im spending the least amount of money on it but itll still cost around 3k.
Right now we probably have 1k in the bank and 2k in savings. I am owed money ill maybe get 1k of it before the first.
The bigger problem is my husband doesn't work as much as he can. He has a hob that is well paying per hour but he only ends up working less than ten hours a week. The rest of the time he's sleeping, watching videos, hobbies, and he does help.
I would love to work but do to my kids school hours I cant work not from home and I cant find a job from home.
My kids shoes are too small/ ripped so I need to buy new ones. But how do I pay for it- even $40 shoes?
Where do I find the cash to pay rent and tuition?
How can I get my husband to work more?

Perhaps have a conversation with him. But do not present a solution, ie you need to work more. Present a problem that you want to solve together. I.e We are living on X amount a month and are currently only bringing in Y. How can we bridge that gap? And then work together to come up with solutions.

amother

↑ Peachpuff

Wed, Aug 21 2024, 8:11 am

ellacoe wrote:

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Perhaps have a conversation with him. But do not present a solution, ie you need to work more. Present a problem that you want to solve together. I.e We are living on X amount a month and are currently only bringing in Y. How can we bridge that gap? And then work together to come up with solutions.

Why is her working not an option?

amother

Floralwhite ↓

Wed, Aug 21 2024, 8:16 am

amother OP wrote:

amother

↑ Floralwhite

Wed, Aug 21 2024, 8:17 am

amother OP wrote:

You use your savings and checking. It's not a perfect system, but you do have it.

amother

Birch

Wed, Aug 21 2024, 8:20 am

I am not sure what you are looking for.

The answer to your question is that unless you change your situation, you cannot support your family.

You are playing a yes BUT game by rebutting any obvious solution buy saying yes BUT - and then explaining why your situation is unique.

You have a husband who only works 10 hours per week which is not even a part time position.

He won't increase his hours nor will he become the stay at home parent which would enable you to work.

You don't state his job or what you could work at but you say he earns a lot per hour which seems to indicate that if he increased his hours, your financial situation would be greatly improved and he probably has greater earning potential than you - but I don't know since you haven't stated.

Your husband is a deadbeat and you are an enabler - that is the reality.

Essentially he is a child - he is sleeping and watching videos all day rather than deal with the responsibility of being a father who needs to pull his weight - by working and/or providing child care and running the house so that the other parent can get a full time job.

Why there is this dynamic, who knows? You need some kind of outside intervention whether that is in the form of medical care - medication, counseling or whether he needs sense knocked into him from a religious source he respects.

And you need to take the blinders off and be proactive rather than in some way rationalizing this behavior. Not blaming the victim but when you say that someone who works 10 hours a week can't handle pickup or drop offs, that is not a logical response and indicates you have accepted his level of disfunction.

amother

↑ Clear

Wed, Aug 21 2024, 8:27 am

amother OP wrote:

It doesn't make sense for him to do childcare because he has higher earning potential than me. I just need him to reach his potential.
Also when I work out of the house im more exhausted and he ends up working less.
I really would like to work from home, Ive been trying to make it work but nothing is working out.
Now we're paying for things with savings, the 1k a month he makes and money im owed

Higher earning potential means nothing if he is too lazy to use and maximize it.

You said he watches movies and does hobbies during the workday. He needs to buckle up. If he won't work full time his higher potential is just that- potential. Your actual earnings is actual earnings that are needed. This is not your potential vs his. It is between your income and zero.

ittsamother ↓

Wed, Aug 21 2024, 8:32 am

amother Blonde wrote:

He thinks you can live on 1k a month? Where does he think the money should come from? Unless he’s intellectually restricted he needs to man up and take care of his family.

This was an assumption. OP never said her husband makes 1k a month, she just said that at this moment she has 1k in her bank account, and that her husband makes a nice amount per hour and works less than 10 hours a week. For all we know her husband works 9 hours a week at $60 an hour, that would be $540 a week, times 4.5 weeks in a month is $2430 a month. Not very sustainable either but better than 1k!

amother

Babypink

Wed, Aug 21 2024, 8:39 am

amother OP wrote:

If he works 10 hours a month and earns 1k a month then is he earning $100 an hour? That’s good money per hour but not worth it if it’s keeping you from working a job with normal pay. I would tell you to get a job and have him as the stay at home Totty. What you’re doing now is not working and you can’t force him to work more hours.

amother

↑ Blonde

Wed, Aug 21 2024, 8:45 am

ittsamother wrote:

She said straight up the 1k he makes a month.

↑ chestnut ↓

Wed, Aug 21 2024, 8:49 am

amother Babypink wrote:

10 hours per week, which is, by the way, not such a major hourly rate ($25)

↑ ittsamother ↓

Wed, Aug 21 2024, 8:54 am

amother Blonde wrote:

She said straight up the 1k he makes a month.

Oh you're right, I missed that, I went through all of OP's responses before I wrote that and couldn't find where she wrote that he makes $1k a month but I see someone after quoted it and that helped.

Because the original cheshbon I made was:
OP said clearly it's under 10 hours a week, which would be an odd way of phrasing that he works 2 hours a week, no? So the only formula I can really make is "max 9 hours a week", at 4.5 weeks a month, equaling to 1k, would be $25 an hour which is not a great amount per hour at all, so OP is not being very clear.

#BestBubby ↓

Wed, Aug 21 2024, 8:58 am

amother OP wrote:

It doesn't make sense for him to do childcare because he has higher earning potential than me. I just need him to reach his potential.

You are not a accepting reality that your husband refuses to Work.

You get a full time job and give DH a list of chores that need to be done: childcare, supper, laundry.

If you are nor home DH will have to step up to the plate, even if it won't be as well as you do it.

This is the only thing that may motivate him to up his work hours so he can hire childcare.

↑ ittsamother

Wed, Aug 21 2024, 9:06 am

#BestBubby wrote:

Or he will just not do those chores either and OP will come home to a husband relaxing on the couch, crying hungry dirty kids, and no supper prepared or laundry done.