Can someone actually explain to me

amother

↑ Phlox ↓

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 6:54 pm

amother Khaki wrote:

DH and I work now we have 5 kids, we both work because we hit a point where we were $100k in debt, I hope that explains it well

Debt from a few bad hiccups in life combined with low income etc etc

Its way harder to walk around drowning in debt than be a 2 parent working home. I did both.

I agree! DH and I both work full time (no babies and we're both flexible). It's really hard but every time I feel like quitting my husband reminds me how it was before... it's not fun to have no money and be drowning in debt, a lot less fun than working full time.

↑ chestnut ↓

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 7:03 pm

amother Phlox wrote:

Divorced mothers generally don't have babies, and if they do hopefully they have a lot of family help. And the baby grows up quickly... working full time with a baby would be a very temporary situation for a divorced mother.

Not sure why you're concentrating only on babies, as if toddlers are much easier, but here goes.
I know quite a few women who got divorced when their youngest was under a year.
Hopefully have a lot of family help? Some - the same amount as the OP, which I'm assuming isn't much.
The baby grows up quickly? Why, in two parent families babies grow up more slowly?
Working with a baby is a temporary situation for a divorced mother? But for other families it's a constant? Some do have babies every year or two and some don't.
The bottom line is, you gotta do what you gotta do.

amother

Molasses

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 7:11 pm

I did this for years, I'm not sure how. In general I have a lot of energy and Im a hard worker.
My husband worked long hours. I did drop off and pick up for toddlers. Paid for extended hours daycares. I worked salary jobs so I had a bit of flexibility if I had an appointment or made up the time at night. No cleaning help, I cleaned every single night after kids bedtime. I made phone calls etc during lunch breaks. Sunday I made my menu, did all my grocery shopping etc. It was hard but I managed, and I'm sure that's how everyone is doing it...

amother

↑ Cobalt

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 7:14 pm

amother Molasses wrote:

This exactly. It can be done. But it's not easy. And a lot of people today dont always want to work hard. They want cleaning help and takeout and a part time remote job. If you can pay the bills like that it's great. But if not, a full time job is definitely possible just not easy.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 7:22 pm

amother Phlox wrote:

I mean I hear that but both times I attempted to work full time it literally became impossible. I have a nursing baby and active toddler and hubby out of the house till 8 or 9. I’m always stressed about debt but I’m struggling to see how full time work would be possible for me. I simply can’t work a job that would require me to make up hours in the evenings because im still on mom duty then.

amother

Lavender ↓

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 7:31 pm

amother OP wrote:

If you don’t have work typically you go to your supervisor and tell them

As a supervisor I can tell you that the people who do that are the most annoying pain the rear end that we have the privilege to supervise.

Please dont come whining to me every time you have a slow day. I know your workload. I assigned it. If I didnt give you something else to do, its because I dont have something for you to do at the moment. Please keep your head down and wait for me to assign you something else. There are boatloads of work trainings, online courses, skill clinics, and general admin stuff you can do while you are waiting for work and please feel free to schedule your doctors visits while you have downtime.

If you keep kvetching about your workload and that you need more work, I am going to find pencil pushing tasks to keep you off my case. You were hired to be available, not to annoy your very busy manager.

Thanks,
A middle manager in a very large company with cyclical workloads.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 7:38 pm

amother Lavender wrote:

Why is it annoying to ask your supervisor for more work? Maybe we work in very different industries but in my experience my managers have had a long list of tasks waiting for me as soon as I’m done. Strange to call that kvetching.

If you tell your workers that work is cyclical and you’ll keep them posted and they still come to you, then yes that’s annoying. Many jobs are not like that, though.

↑ chestnut ↓

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 7:40 pm

amother OP wrote:

Are your kids home with you now or you work part time? First you need to see if full time jobs you're able to get full will be even worth it after the daycare/babysitting costs.

amother

↑ Phlox ↓

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 7:41 pm

amother Lavender wrote:

I really need to switch jobs Wink

. That's not at ALL how things work in my workplace.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 7:42 pm

chestnut wrote:

Are your kids home with you now or you work part time? First you need to see if full time jobs you're able to get full will be even worth it after the daycare/babysitting costs.

I work part time. The problem isn’t daycare costs. I’d have to do pickup on my own and make up countless hours missed for appts (including weekly OT) and sick days and scrambling to find care on sick or vacation days. Plus somehow taking care of bills and phone calls even though I work in an industry where there really isn’t downtime and I don’t even take lunch breaks.

amother

↑ Phlox

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 7:49 pm

amother OP wrote:

Full time work is not for everybody and may not be possible for you right now.

My husband picks up a lot of the slack (we both have flexible schedules so we divide appointments), my husband helps cook and clean, and I also have cleaning help.

I would never be able to do it all on my own. Never.

oohlala

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 7:49 pm

It’s super difficult for both spouses to work full time and prioritize both careers. Especially if you live in a community with no bussing. In general I have seen families generally decide that one spouse prioritizes his/her career and the other works a less demanding or part time job to be more available for the kids and home. I would imagine if both worked full time, you’d need excellent planning and executive functioning to manage the shopping, meals, dr visits etc. it’s not for everybody.

mother1000

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 7:53 pm

I feel you OP. In the same boat with debt but physically cannot work full time. Drop off, pick up, missed bus, appointments… they don’t all wait for the weekend. I sometimes work a bit on Sundays but even that’s difficult to squeeze in… am I lazy? I don’t think so, I think us mothers have a lot on our plates. So instead I’m trying to work on my emuna that Hashem will give us exactly what we need with the hishtadlus that we are doing.

amother

Peru

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 7:54 pm

There’s no magic answer. Everyone just juggles.

If your dh comes home at 8, he can do mornings and come home an hour later.

When we were starting out in our careers, I left the house at 6. My dh did mornings and went to an 8:30 minyan late and got to work at 10. I worked from just before 7 to 3. I picked up at 3:30 and paid for overtime for some kids until 3:45 to get them all. Then I did nights. My dh came home late and did the final cleanup. For vacations, we paid a lot to high schoolers. For sick days, we took sick time.

This stage doesn’t last forever. It gets easier as you get more senior because flexibility and vacation time and pay increases when you’re the one needed.

amother

↑ Lavender ↓

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 7:59 pm

amother OP wrote:

have you ever been a manager?

yeah the people who ask once or twice, sure no problem. I have some staff who post on our slack chat when they are done and say "hey, Im available for more tasks". those people are great. I make a mental note and assign them something when it comes up.

Usually the people who come running every time they are done work is a certain personality. I recall once I was out for a day and I come back to find out my employee went to my manager to complain that she didnt have work. it makes me look bad like I am not managing the workloads. my manager ended up assigning her something but because she doesnt know the workloads, she made a mistake with the assignment and it took me hours to sort it out. Plus, I got a whole shpiel about maybe we should change our workflows so this doesnt happen again. the workflow is fine. there was no backlog. I had a backup person to assign work but the staff didnt follow instructions and went above my head and made the team look inefficient.

I talk with a lot of other managers and overeager employees are one of the higher ranking annoyances. I sit in meetings for more than 5 hours a day. I have so many administrative things I cannot delegate because of personal information and legalities. I have my own boss and my bosses boss and my bosses bosses boss to deal with. I have presentations I need to give to upper management. I have conflicts between employees to deal with. I dont have time to micromanage someone's calendar.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 8:06 pm

amother Lavender wrote:

I have managed people yes. Sorry but this sounds like a communication issue. If you don’t have work tell them. If they’re complaining to your supervisor then they’re being kept out of the loop. If you don’t have time to manage people then there needs to be more people at your job level. Employees don’t want to feel like they’re stealing money - getting paid with no work feels like that.

amother

↑ Lavender

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 8:25 pm

amother OP wrote:

no communication issues. just some overeager employees who like to cause headaches. its a personality. they are like that in other areas too. I am sure there are managers here nodding their heads and understand exactly the type I am talking about.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 8:35 pm

amother Lavender wrote:

Oh okay, well it sounds like you’re talking about something a bit more extreme than what I meant.

amother

Garnet ↓

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 9:07 pm

amother Cobalt wrote:

I dont' think people don't want to work hard.
People want to take care of their kids.
Having your kids raised by nannies, and staying home alone on chol hamoed, and working in the evenings when your older kids need to be bonding with you, well, that's not called raising children. Just btw.
I also work full time. But I took off in the summer and I won't be going back. I have different children. I have a different life. I will no longer sacrifice my family. Hashem will have to provide somehow. I'll still work, but not all those hours. I also thought I was "doing it', but in a constant state of stress I was dying and killing others at the same time.