Doing bedtime routine alone

Log in / Sign Up

List of Forums + New Post Recipe Box Usergroups Following My Posts Bookmarks

Private Messages Rules New User Guide FAQ Advertise Contact Us

Forum -> Parenting our children

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 Next

View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother

Smokey

Fri, Aug 16 2024, 4:40 pm

I would push everything up so that you can cut out a good hour of your on time with the kids at night when they r probably not their best selves.

When my first kids were little, I would feed them earlier (honestly, even at 4 when you get home) so they are full and will then behave better hopefully. When their bellies are full, then you can make yourself and dh a proper dinner with less hangry kids. What I would do is give the kids the dinner from the night before that I made. ( So you can easily heat up and not cook from scratch for them).
Start the whole bath/bedtime routines by 6, so they are going to bed closer to 7.
I know it's hard to shift your mindset but I think alot of 3 yr olds go to bed by 7. Maybe he also would do good with more sleep.
Then nurse the baby and be finished closer to 7:30/8.

amother

↑ Hyacinth

Fri, Aug 16 2024, 4:59 pm

Yes I agree with above my 3 year old goes to sleep between 630 - 7
Forsure not after 7

That will definitely help you and you will have more time after

amother

Dahlia

Fri, Aug 16 2024, 5:00 pm

It doesn’t matter if 90% of women do what you’re doing or less than 1%. There are some women who can put 6 kids to bed alone , with no cleaning help, and work 9-5. There are some who need help with their one baby, and work part time, and have cleaning help daily. It doesn’t matter.

What matters is it sounds like you’re really overwhelmed and burnt out and need to have a sit down with Dh. It’s quite possible that if he could even give you a break one night every other week, it would make a big difference for you.

amother

Papayawhip

Fri, Aug 16 2024, 5:02 pm

amother OP wrote:

And do you also do the dinners every night, dishes, appointments, bills, daycare pickups, cleaning help only once a month, and have a part time job? Idk maybe there’s something wrong with me but I’m really struggling with it all.

I don’t work and I don’t do the bills, but I do everything else. I’m so grateful that thankfully my husband makes enough that I don’t have to work, but I’m not gonna lie, it’s super hard.

amother

Watermelon

Fri, Aug 16 2024, 5:06 pm

I’ve always done on my own
I find the mindset helps
Don’t think other husbands are doing it. It it shouldn’t be like this.
Once you accept this is how it is it makes or much easier.
Come up with a plan strategy

I work full time from home with my babies home. Dh comes home really late. Even Sundays. Dh works long hours. Learns long hours. Walks in the door at candle lighting.

I found once I just accepted it and made peace with it instead of focusing on how much less time I had then everyone else like for easier and happier.

Mindset helps tremendously.

And I know this doesn’t help. But looking back I miss the years when kids were all in bed early. Dh would come home and st least we’d eat our supper at 9 together peacefully.
Now the younger ones are sleeping but the older ones stay up and sit at the table all night. So I don’t even have my evenings…

amother

↑ OP ↓

Fri, Aug 16 2024, 5:24 pm

amother Smokey wrote:

Hm maybe I’ll give this a try but he honestly hasn’t been on this schedule since he was 2. He gets very wound up at night and even if he’s in bed at 7 he’s seldom tired enough to actually sleep.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Fri, Aug 16 2024, 5:26 pm

amother Watermelon wrote:

I hear what you’re saying. I don’t think it’s really about comparing to other people though. I know im just not happy with how things are currently.

amother

Yolk

Fri, Aug 16 2024, 5:29 pm

Yup for 7 years I did it alone. Only recently did things change at dh work that allowed him to be home in time. If he has to run out and it’s late then I’m on my own again

Puppies

Fri, Aug 16 2024, 5:59 pm

Can you leave the cleaning up for your husband to do when he gets home? That way you feel that he’s contributing more and it’s a large item off your list.

Also, I’d negotiate a better and more equitable Shabbos/Sunday schedule where you knew in advance how much time off of childcare you can look forward to.

Additionally, are all these appointments necessary? Can anything be done by phone/online? Any way to streamline errands- do more shipping and delivery?

Can you prep supper in the morning after daycare dropoff so it’s ready to be put in the oven when you get home?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Fri, Aug 16 2024, 6:23 pm

Puppies wrote:

I do most of these things sometimes.
Yes, they’re all necessary. My son has OT every week, and there was also a dentist appt and a well visit this week alone.

↑ lamplighter

Fri, Aug 16 2024, 7:12 pm

Kids that age should be in bed by 7.
That should be the goal.
Work backwards from that.
Also let's help you redo supper, it seems like it takes a long time and it's very stressful.
What are examples of foods your family likes?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Fri, Aug 16 2024, 7:20 pm

lamplighter wrote:

Really for a 3 yr old? I talk to moms of his classmates and many are not in bed by 7. Unless they’re up super early

amother

White

Sat, Aug 17 2024, 3:39 pm

It's tough doing bedtime alone with a toddler and a baby!
Can everyone who says they do it tell us HOW?

2 thoughts:
1. Can you freeze raw dinners? I don't have time to make dinner with the kids around. It's just too hectic and I don't have the energy. Instead I freeze raw dinners and then just pop them into the oven so supper prep daily is approx 5-10 min. Making a bunch of suppers at a time takes a lot shorter (some examples are chicken + rice frozen with the sauce, just add water to the pan and bake), tuna patties, meatballs (flash frozen), breaded cutlets, etc.)

2. I find kids are calmer after bath time, as if they feel that any time they're still awake after that is a 'bonus'. Would it be possible for you to start your supper/bathtime/bedtime routine earlier and then do some more playtime afterwards? Or if it cools off in the evening where you live, could you do a pajama walk before bedtime?

amother

↑ Floralwhite

Sat, Aug 17 2024, 4:01 pm

OP if physically you're not doing well right now, you MUST take that into account. Bloodwork or no bloodwork, what do you need to feel a little better? Sit your husband down and say, you've probably noticed I'm not feeling great at the moment, can you (fill in the blank - take the kids for 30 minutes when you get home so I can put my feet up, pick up x on your way home, do the grocery order this week etc.) If you go very specific and explain why he'll likely be happy to pick up the tab.

If he won't, think how else you can get what you need. You need to take care of yourself in order to take care of everyone else.

amother white, bedtime with a toddler and baby.
1. Feed toddler while holding baby.
2. Settle toddler with a toy for a few minutes, feed baby.
3. Bathe both together, lift baby out first and dry and dress while toddler plays in the bath
4. wrap baby and lay in crib while you dress toddler.
5. storytime, baby on lap and toddler snuggled close
6. put both in cribs, say shema. Sit with baby as long as necessary. Top up feed if nec.

and before you say that sounds too easy, I have a double digit family bH, many of my babies had sensory issues and screamed a lot. I find the biggest thing is getting into a routine so everyone knows what to expect. Once you get the rhythm going, it is way easier.

If your toddler is age 2+ and can follow, put up a picture poster of the routine that they can follow.

I would also agree that you're likely putting them to bed too late and missing their sleep window. My almost 4 yr old goes to sleep at 7, younger than that at 6:45.

↑ imaima

Sat, Aug 17 2024, 4:21 pm

amother OP wrote:

Really for a 3 yr old? I talk to moms of his classmates and many are not in bed by 7. Unless they’re up super early

Yes by 7 is doable

amother

Oxfordblue

Sat, Aug 17 2024, 4:37 pm

amother OP wrote:

Still home alone with a screaming baby and my house is a disaster and we’re hosting Shabbos. But I guess this is normal and I’m supposed to be happy

Don’t lose yourself. Nothing will happen if you don’t cook one or two days, or if the house is messy. Honestly, your happiness comes first.

Maybe talk to your dh about what he would consider ideal, and see if your on the same page?

amother

Ghostwhite

Sat, Aug 17 2024, 5:29 pm

Sounds like you need to do some things for yourself. Like having your nails done, pedicure, facial, massage, exercise - just something that can fill you up somewhat. You can't pour out of an empty jug.. hatzlocha - really thinking of you - it's so hard.

cholenteater

Sat, Aug 17 2024, 10:12 pm

amother OP wrote:

Getting wound up at night indicated getting what we call a second wind- he is really ready for bed earlier and then gets overtired. Some kids become kvetchy, some become wounded up.
I have this with my 5 year old, ever since he was 2. I need to catch his sleep window at 645/7 otherwise he is wound up and won't fall to sleep until much later, around 830/9.
When he was 3, he needed to start bedtime routine by latest 615 in order to get to sleep and not get a second wind.
Try it for a few days, not fancy suppers- come home, and instead of a snack give a grilled cheese sandwich or freezer food or supper that you made the day before. For example- Prep macaroni the day before and give that with cheese, slices of veggies etc. Same with a pan of chicken- heat up his portion in a microwave etc.
I used to hate using microwaves and bought one for this situation (I have older kids, this was the first one that just had to get supper quicker).
Move everything up!
Set routine every afternoon in thee beginning to establish a pattern. Once it becomes the norm, then can have exceptions such as errands etc as necessary. Possible routine-
Come home, turn on story tape/music cd, some toys out. Supper is around 4, followed by some play time/shmoozing/outdoor time, then bath latest at 535/540 (doesn't need to be more than 5 min!), pj's, small snack like rice cakes or fruit if necessary (my kid doesn't need this, my older one did), turn off lights in kitchen or play area- this was a big one for my child he felt we all were going to sleep, brush teeth, read 2 books, sing shema and hamalach wtvr else you sing, cuddle and into bed. While books and singing, you are already starting to nurse baby. So baby is nursing starting latest 6, you are in their room 6-630 and hopefully catch 3 yr old sleep window and he falls asleep, baby in crib after done nursing. Now you have your own time to breathe, do a 15 min clean up of putting things away and sweeping, clearing counters. I only started using real dishes all the time when my youngest was 3. Due soon, and plan to go back to plastic if I need. If you are a stickler for using real dishes, then that can be stuck into routine your toddler can "help" rinse his bowl/plate so the ketchup or wtvr doesn't dry out, and that makes a world of a difference.
You should be able to be in your room realistically and calmly by 7, latest 730! Yes you still need to do laundry and so on, decide which nights or mornings that are set days to stick in a load, and change it to dryer when get home.
I really enjoyed the early nights, as the kids get older their bedtime changes. I now only get my quiet time by 815 as that's when my 10 yr old has reading in bed time. I'm not sure how I will juggle it soon with a newborn, but we will figure it out! The way to deal is to figure out a routine that works for you

Hope this was helpful

Last edited by cholenteater on Sat, Aug 17 2024, 10:22 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Oldlace

Sat, Aug 17 2024, 10:20 pm

It’s super hard for me when dh is not around for bedtime. Like super hard.

He does do the kitchen post dinner clean up, so I don’t have to worry about that bH.

8:30 is late for these ages, when my oldest was 6 he was in bed by 7 (did get up early though)

What if you try blackout shades, warm bubble bath, soft music or white noise or bedtime stories to try to do earlier bedtime?

amother

Violet

Sat, Aug 17 2024, 10:20 pm

amother OP wrote:

I do all this with 9 kids under the age of 11 and zero help from husband because he works an evening job like yours..
Only difference is I have cleaning help 2x a week!! You must get help!

Page 5 of 6

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 Next