Doing bedtime routine alone

amother

OP ↓

Thu, Aug 15 2024, 9:14 pm

Is it common For moms to do bedtime routine alone? While husband is at work? My husband is at work till 8 or later most days. I have a 3 yr old and 6 month old and I’m extremely burnt out . We need the money but I want to stop feeling resentful and unhappy that I do like everything around the home.

amother

Caramel ↓

Thu, Aug 15 2024, 9:23 pm

Yes. If dh is working I do bedtime. My dh is learning in kollel most of the time by bedtime.
When I am expecting he usually helps more often because I can't handle it alone.

amother

Peach ↓

Thu, Aug 15 2024, 9:26 pm

During the winter months, when maariv is at 6:45, I'm on my own. And I bh have a 2 yr old, 4, 6, 7 and 9. In the summer, maariv is later so we do it together.

But normal is relative. What may work for me may not work for you. Everyone has to do what works for them.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Aug 15 2024, 9:27 pm

And do you also do the dinners every night, dishes, appointments, bills, daycare pickups, cleaning help only once a month, and have a part time job? Idk maybe there’s something wrong with me but I’m really struggling with it all.

amother

Outerspace

Thu, Aug 15 2024, 9:28 pm

If it makes you feel better, my dh is home at bedtime and all he does is make my baby a bottle. I have 5, 3, and 1yr old going to bed around 7-7:30 plus older kids kah. It's hard but I just accept that this isn't one of his strong points.

Ok, I'm not gonna lie. Sometimes when I'm really really REALLY struggling, I am frustrated and resentful. But it's just how it is.

amother

↑ Caramel

Thu, Aug 15 2024, 9:29 pm

amother OP wrote:

And do you also do the dinners every night, dishes, appointments, bills, daycare pickups and have a part time job? Idk maybe there’s something wrong with me but I’m really struggling with it all.

Yup. Dh does bills, but everything else is on me unless I ask.
If it is not working for you though you need to talk to your dh about it.

amother

Honeysuckle

Thu, Aug 15 2024, 9:30 pm

amother OP wrote:

And do you also do the dinners every night, dishes, appointments, bills, daycare pickups and have a part time job? Idk maybe there’s something wrong with me but I’m really struggling with it all.

There's nothing wrong with you. That's a lot for one person to handle. Even if it's normal doesn't make it not a tremendous struggle.

How many people do bedtime on their own? is a different question than how many people do bedtime on their own without being resentful frustrated or taking it on their kids or husband or themselves?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Aug 15 2024, 9:32 pm

amother Caramel wrote:

Yup. Dh does bills, but everything else is on me unless I ask.
If it is not working for you though you need to talk to your dh about it.

I have. Not much changes, well other than him giving me more praise which I will credit. Just the dynamics don’t change. And I feel like there’s something wrong with me that I’m not managing and feel unhappy and miss when I had time to focus on other things.

hodeez ↓

Thu, Aug 15 2024, 9:32 pm

Yes I have done it alone since my first baby up to my now bh 7 kids

amother

↑ Peach

Thu, Aug 15 2024, 9:34 pm

amother OP wrote:

And do you also do the dinners every night, dishes, appointments, bills, daycare pickups and have a part time job? Idk maybe there’s something wrong with me but I’m really struggling with it all.

Yes. And I also work part time. I leave the house with 1 kid and come home with 3. Husband takes care of bills, but everything else you mentioned is on me.

I also struggle, it's very difficult. No one said having/raising children is easy.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Aug 15 2024, 9:40 pm

How do you feel happy without ever having time to pursue your goals and interests? I used to love working but I’ve had to continuously cut hours and drop out of my original career path. I used to have hobbies and exercise. Is everyone else the same way and somehow still happy?

amother

Mintcream

Thu, Aug 15 2024, 9:45 pm

I absolutely cannot. (DH can) I also can’t do the morning getting out of the house business myself. And it’s not easy for DH to be home either of those times and it sometimes mean’s literally twisting him into a pretzel (besides for losing hours of work or missing a chuppa) but I can’t.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Aug 15 2024, 10:16 pm

Still home alone with a screaming baby and my house is a disaster and we’re hosting Shabbos. But I guess this is normal and I’m supposed to be happy

↑ hodeez ↓

Thu, Aug 15 2024, 10:20 pm

What's up with the baby, teething? Sick? It's very hard, sometimes more than others :/

↑ bsy

Thu, Aug 15 2024, 10:21 pm

amother OP wrote:

I do supper, lots of dishes but not all, cleaning, bus stops, no cleaning help, out of the house 8 to 3 for work/commute. It's hard

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Aug 15 2024, 10:23 pm

hodeez wrote:

What's up with the baby, teething? Sick? It's very hard, sometimes more than others :/

I wish I knew. But if it’s not her it’s her brother it’s not common they’re down before 8:30 then I have a mess to clean up and collapse into bed only to do it again the next day.

amother

Olive ↓

Thu, Aug 15 2024, 10:28 pm

amother OP wrote:

Yes, except for cleaning help. I have once a week or every other week. Could you get more cleaning help? Even every other week is a big difference from once a month.

↑ hodeez

Thu, Aug 15 2024, 10:29 pm

Ok not something you want to hear but something has to change in the bedtime routine. I really empathize bedtime is one of the most exhausting aspects of my long day