Widow making first bar mitzvah

ladeedah613 ↓

Wed, Aug 14 2024, 2:48 am

My husband became sick and passed away 6 years ago leaving a beautiful 1 year year old girl and a 6 year old boy who iyh will be bar mitzvah in the coming year. I have raised these 2 children to the best of my abilities and of course with help from community as well as my family but financially it has all been on my head. I have managed with day to day over the past few years . My husband left me a house that has been paid off as well as a 250 000 life insurance policy however I am down to 100000 and am feeling anxious about having to make a bar mitzvah on my own. The community I live in is very generous ...would it be wrong to speak to the local rabbi about the possibiltty of putting together a simcha fund to help fund my sons bar mitzvah? I know I am in a better position that I have a house and a but of savings. I work full time but I earn minimum as a child care employee as the hours always worked well for raising the kids. Should I feel guitly asking for help? I have always been proud and independant but the anxiety and overwhelming feeling of making this simcha on my own is stressing me out. Please let me know if you think im validated?

kiwi strawberry

Wed, Aug 14 2024, 2:56 am

I'm not sure if there is a right or wrong, but if you have a need, I don't think there is anything wrong with reaching out. And there is a special mitzvah to help the yasom so I would think people would not judge you for reaching out, and give with a loving and open hand. You sound like an amazimg woman. Hashem should shower you with endless bracha and nachas from your children! Mazel tov!!

amother

Pansy

Wed, Aug 14 2024, 2:59 am

Absolutely nothing wrong with asking! Mazel tov!!!

(Also can I suggest looking for a better paying job?)

amother

Tiffanyblue

Wed, Aug 14 2024, 3:04 am

Please ask for any and all help that you can get.
100k is nothing to write home about with 2 children and yourself to support.

People will much rather help with a one time simcha than with your day to day.

Mazel tov!

↑ ladeedah613 ↓

Wed, Aug 14 2024, 3:11 am

Thank you for making me feel validated!

Jewishmom8

Wed, Aug 14 2024, 3:31 am

Please do speak to them.
That is what they are there for.
IYH soon you should be on the giving end.

tree of life

Wed, Aug 14 2024, 5:04 am

Yes definitely approach your rabbi community will be happy to contribute it's a simcha
Don't be shy to ask wishing you hatzlacha

amother

Papayawhip

Wed, Aug 14 2024, 5:32 am

I think you’re justified in asking for help. Also, may I suggest that you speak to a financial advisor about investing the rest of the money and living off the profits?

amother

Mimosa ↓

Wed, Aug 14 2024, 5:53 am

amother Papayawhip wrote:

I think you’re justified in asking for help. Also, may I suggest that you speak to a financial advisor about investing the rest of the money and living off the profits?

I was thinking the same thing because it seems that you are using around $25K a year from the life insurance which means that in 4 years you won’t have anything left.

amother

Blue

Wed, Aug 14 2024, 6:40 am

Definitely ask.
As someone who lost her mother at a young age I see people very happy to help widow and orphans.
If you aren’t in contact can I suggest reaching out to Links

ChutzPAh

Wed, Aug 14 2024, 7:33 am

I’m sure people will be happy to help. I know I would

amother

↑ Mimosa ↓

Wed, Aug 14 2024, 7:53 am

I don’t know which organization it is but I know that there is an organization in Lakewood that pays for bar mitzvahs for boys who have lost a parent.

MommyASI

Wed, Aug 14 2024, 4:40 pm

How much do you expect to spend on the bar mitzvah?

amother

Hyssop

Wed, Aug 14 2024, 4:42 pm

amother Blue wrote:

Definitely ask.
As someone who lost her mother at a young age I see people very happy to help widow and orphans.
If you aren’t in contact can I suggest reaching out to Links

Yes please reach out to Links if you’re not already connected. They have so many resources.

amother

Lightyellow

Wed, Aug 14 2024, 6:22 pm

Definitely speak to financial advisor - If you dont need the 100k now, put at least some of it away now for you childrens weddings or other large expenses that will eventually come up (retirement? college?)

B'Syata D'Shmya

Wed, Aug 14 2024, 7:36 pm

ladeedah613 wrote:

No need to feel guilty, you didnt ask to be in this situation and if you need help, then asking is the right thing. You will need to be honest to the Rav about your situation. Your savings may seem impressive but you depend on it to cover day to day expenses.

A lot depends on the community - how wealthy and able they are to support this and what other pressing needs abound. The Rav usually has to decide who needs what help and prioritize.

You might benefit from financial counseling, can you call Mesilla?
At the rate you are going, 25k a year, you may have debt in 3-4 years (taking into account that expenses rise exponentially as kids age).

As the kids get older, you may have more flexibility to look for a better paying job. You may want to consider getting a degree in preparation.

amother

↑ Mimosa

Wed, Aug 14 2024, 7:38 pm

Op, I just want to make sure that your kids are getting ss each month…

Tirza

Wed, Aug 14 2024, 8:19 pm

Yes! 100% Reach out for help. That’s what community is for!
Mazal Tov! May you see much nachas from both your children.

amother

Canary

Wed, Aug 14 2024, 8:39 pm

Yes reach out for help
But Links can help you with Social Security Nd help with finances too. They have a lawyer and finance team pro bono

↑ ladeedah613

Wed, Aug 14 2024, 10:58 pm

Thank you all!! I appreciate all your responses and your encouragement !