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Forum
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erm
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 Wed, Aug 14 2024, 12:30 pm
I believe vorts should be abolished. Make a l'chaim and whoever lives close by should come. It is an extra expense and waste of time for all those traveling in to spend a few minutes saying mazel tov. As a community, we have increased out expectations in gashmius that it unsustainable. Years ago, a vort never had hot dishes. I remember when sushi was introduced at simchas. We had cake, fruit and nuts and these were the fancy vorts.
For those saying that you need to feed your guests. A vort is different than an invitation to someone's home. It is a simcha where you wish the chosson and Kallah mazel tov and move on. It is not a sit down meal for the whole family. If you live far, bring food. It is ridiculous to add extra financial pressure to an already expensive time.
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amother
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Wed, Aug 14 2024, 12:47 pm
| erm wrote: | I believe vorts should be abolished. Make a l'chaim and whoever lives close by should come. It is an extra expense and waste of time for all those traveling in to spend a few minutes saying mazel tov. As a community, we have increased out expectations in gashmius that it unsustainable. Years ago, a vort never had hot dishes. I remember when sushi was introduced at simchas. We had cake, fruit and nuts and these were the fancy vorts.
For those saying that you need to feed your guests. A vort is different than an invitation to someone's home. It is a simcha where you wish the chosson and Kallah mazel tov and move on. It is not a sit down meal for the whole family. If you live far, bring food. It is ridiculous to add extra financial pressure to an already expensive time. |
Agree đź’Ż
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Chayalle
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Wed, Aug 14 2024, 12:50 pm
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I dunno, I think they shouldn't be over the top, but it is an opportunity for the family to meet the new Chosson/Kallah before the wedding. It does not need to be a sit down meal, but some pans of finger food, kugel and salads are nice. I actually found that these went much more than the cakes, which are so unnecessary, most of our cakes/miniatures were donated to someone else's Simcha the next night.
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amother
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Wed, Aug 14 2024, 12:57 pm
| erm wrote: | I believe vorts should be abolished. Make a l'chaim and whoever lives close by should come. It is an extra expense and waste of time for all those traveling in to spend a few minutes saying mazel tov. As a community, we have increased out expectations in gashmius that it unsustainable. Years ago, a vort never had hot dishes. I remember when sushi was introduced at simchas. We had cake, fruit and nuts and these were the fancy vorts.
For those saying that you need to feed your guests. A vort is different than an invitation to someone's home. It is a simcha where you wish the chosson and Kallah mazel tov and move on. It is not a sit down meal for the whole family. If you live far, bring food. It is ridiculous to add extra financial pressure to an already expensive time. |
One thing I agree with is that it is a small affair. Either don’t insist on family traveling for a 5 minute thing, or make it into a family event and serve food.
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amother
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Wed, Aug 14 2024, 12:57 pm
I don’t know…a vort is also a time for both sides to meet. I live oot and vorts were always nice, even 25 30 years ago there were pictures taken, if they were in the afternoon it would probably be fleishigs like franks in blanks or chicken fingers and other things like that. Plus fruit platters which aren’t cheap and cakes and cookies and salads. If more lunchtime then sushi and of course it also depends on the couple. If late at night then usually just cakes and fruit platters and not so much real food.
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amother
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Wed, Aug 14 2024, 1:07 pm
| amother Burlywood wrote: | | I don’t know…a vort is also a time for both sides to meet. I live oot and vorts were always nice, even 25 30 years ago there were pictures taken, if they were in the afternoon it would probably be fleishigs like franks in blanks or chicken fingers and other things like that. Plus fruit platters which aren’t cheap and cakes and cookies and salads. If more lunchtime then sushi and of course it also depends on the couple. If late at night then usually just cakes and fruit platters and not so much real food. |
It's very nice in theory. But when you look at the big picture and how overwhelming the current getting married process is, plus the exorbitant costs, it makes sense to do away with the 'nice to haves' and stick with 'must to haves'.
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Ema of 5
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Wed, Aug 14 2024, 1:14 pm
| amother Sienna wrote: | If you are tight on money than do what you need to do. However, it's very frustrating to come in with my family only to have to buy food afterwards. It's basic decency to feed your guests.
I have a family member that makes a VERY simple vort. I have to go as we are a very small side. There is very minimal food and it is very hard to have kids crying for food and I am forced to go out afterwards with them or buy food. Everyone including their own married kids live minimum an hour away. It's really basic decency if people are driving in. |
It’s a party, not a sit down meal. There is plenty for you to eat- cakes and cookies, fruit, salads….why is it expected for the host to feed you more than that? If you were coming for a wedding or a bar/bat mitzvah I could understand expecting more food, but I don’t get it for a vort. When we travel for a vort, we either get something to eat after or plan to eat at home, or leave early enough that we can get home at a decent time.
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amother
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Wed, Aug 14 2024, 1:53 pm
| Ema of 5 wrote: | | It’s a party, not a sit down meal. There is plenty for you to eat- cakes and cookies, fruit, salads….why is it expected for the host to feed you more than that? If you were coming for a wedding or a bar/bat mitzvah I could understand expecting more food, but I don’t get it for a vort. When we travel for a vort, we either get something to eat after or plan to eat at home, or leave early enough that we can get home at a decent time. |
It depends what time it’s called for and how long the travel is and many other factors. And once you’re spending money on a vort, spend a drop more and get real food. It isn’t a birthday party. I’m out of town and a vort, whether in the house or a hall, whether there’s a party planner or not, or videos or photographer or not, etc there’s always some sort of real food. And if it’s Thursday night then chulent and kugel in addition. And like I keep saying, I’m not in tristate area. So if we’re doing this, it must be the norm.
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amother
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Wed, Aug 14 2024, 2:47 pm
| amother Burlywood wrote: | | It depends what time it’s called for and how long the travel is and many other factors. And once you’re spending money on a vort, spend a drop more and get real food. It isn’t a birthday party. I’m out of town and a vort, whether in the house or a hall, whether there’s a party planner or not, or videos or photographer or not, etc there’s always some sort of real food. And if it’s Thursday night then chulent and kugel in addition. And like I keep saying, I’m not in tristate area. So if we’re doing this, it must be the norm. |
Not a drop more. You could be talking $1500-$2000 easy depending on the number of guests. That’s a lot to ask from folks who are likely already strapped for cash making a wedding.
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Ema of 5
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Wed, Aug 14 2024, 3:17 pm
| amother Burlywood wrote: | | It depends what time it’s called for and how long the travel is and many other factors. And once you’re spending money on a vort, spend a drop more and get real food. It isn’t a birthday party. I’m out of town and a vort, whether in the house or a hall, whether there’s a party planner or not, or videos or photographer or not, etc there’s always some sort of real food. And if it’s Thursday night then chulent and kugel in addition. And like I keep saying, I’m not in tristate area. So if we’re doing this, it must be the norm. |
But it’s not “just a little more” especially for a family that’s struggling. When you are going to a vort from out of town, YOU need to plan accordingly. And I don’t mean when you going to NY, I mean when you are traveling from your city to another city, it’s your responsibility to make sure you are taken care of. You need to make sure you have what you need. I mean, should the hosts also make sure that there are diapers and wipes available for those coming in with a baby? Or should they make accommodations for anyone who comes and then decides to stay overnight? They have enough on their heads and enough expenses. Of course it’s an added bonus if there’s something your kids can eat, but it’s not a must. If you are coming from out of town, give your kids something to eat before you leave home, or in the car, or after you leave the body. Why is it ok for the host to have the extra expense of feeding your family, but not you?
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amother
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Wed, Aug 14 2024, 3:20 pm
| amother Ivory wrote: | | Not a drop more. You could be talking $1500-$2000 easy depending on the number of guests. That’s a lot to ask from folks who are likely already strapped for cash making a wedding. |
No it’s not. Go to Costco and get some kosher heat and serve hors d'oeuvres. Potato kugel is cheap to make, get all the ingredients at aldis. And use Aldi salad bags for salads. Noodles are still around $1.25 a box, make sesame noodles and it’s not expensive. Or three color pasta salad. There are ways to do it cheap.
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amother
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Wed, Aug 14 2024, 3:31 pm
| amother Burlywood wrote: | | It depends what time it’s called for and how long the travel is and many other factors. And once you’re spending money on a vort, spend a drop more and get real food. It isn’t a birthday party. I’m out of town and a vort, whether in the house or a hall, whether there’s a party planner or not, or videos or photographer or not, etc there’s always some sort of real food. And if it’s Thursday night then chulent and kugel in addition. And like I keep saying, I’m not in tristate area. So if we’re doing this, it must be the norm. |
I'm not in the tristate area, either. Most vorts I've gone to oot are at home, and most don't have hot food. Those that do, it's kugel, period. I've never seen cholent at a vort, on any day of the week, for that matter.
I do think expecting/demanding certain levels of food served is how things start to get out of hand and that's when eventually takanos are needed (but by then it's too little too late).
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amother
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Wed, Aug 14 2024, 3:53 pm
| amother Aquamarine wrote: | I'm not in the tristate area, either. Most vorts I've gone to oot are at home, and most don't have hot food. Those that do, it's kugel, period. I've never seen cholent at a vort, on any day of the week, for that matter.
I do think expecting/demanding certain levels of food served is how things start to get out of hand and that's when eventually takanos are needed (but by then it's too little too late). |
I never said demanding or expecting. I’m just telling you what I’ve seen. I hope my family (both sides) aren’t the weird ones for accommodating out of town people and thinking about others.
Take out food, if you would say oh you don’t need a bouquet of flowers by the vort, just go to Trader Joe’s and get a couple of bunches and we’re done, that would save money also but I can guarantee everyone would be hearing about it.
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Ema of 5
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Wed, Aug 14 2024, 4:03 pm
| amother Burlywood wrote: | | No it’s not. Go to Costco and get some kosher heat and serve hors d'oeuvres. Potato kugel is cheap to make, get all the ingredients at aldis. And use Aldi salad bags for salads. Noodles are still around $1.25 a box, make sesame noodles and it’s not expensive. Or three color pasta salad. There are ways to do it cheap. |
People who are catering their vort are not going to spend time making their own hors d’oeuvres and certainly not potato kugel. If they are making it in a shul or a hall, there’s a good chance they won’t even allow homemade food to be brought in. If you would like to volunteer to make food for the host who is catering it herself, feel free. But really, it’s not nice to expect her to make food for you, on top of everything else. And remember she’s not just making one kugel or one box of pasta or one bag of salad. It’s all time consuming.
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amother
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Wed, Aug 14 2024, 4:19 pm
| Ema of 5 wrote: | | People who are catering their vort are not going to spend time making their own hors d’oeuvres and certainly not potato kugel. If they are making it in a shul or a hall, there’s a good chance they won’t even allow homemade food to be brought in. If you would like to volunteer to make food for the host who is catering it herself, feel free. But really, it’s not nice to expect her to make food for you, on top of everything else. And remember she’s not just making one kugel or one box of pasta or one bag of salad. It’s all time consuming. |
I totally understand. But if you’re going here and there and getting food from different places, you can go to Costco and get some heat and serve foods. And usually you know ahead of time that you’ll be making a vort so you can plan things and have them ready.
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amother
Firebrick
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Wed, Aug 14 2024, 4:30 pm
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My sibling recently made a vorte. She knew she was going to have people traveling in from all over so she had hot food and it was definitely more than I've seen other vortes put out. I was very grateful. If we would've just been traveling with adults we would have been ok. But we were traveling with our family. Everyone was whining they were hungry. Bh for the food! No one has to put out anything, but it's really nice when you do especially if people are traveling from a distance.
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amother
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Wed, Aug 14 2024, 4:35 pm
| amother Burlywood wrote: | | I totally understand. But if you’re going here and there and getting food from different places, you can go to Costco and get some heat and serve foods. And usually you know ahead of time that you’ll be making a vort so you can plan things and have them ready. |
Not everyone has a Costco membership, either, why do you assume they can do this?
I think the difference in viewpoints here has a lot to do with the divide between the haves and have nots. Some people just really can't spend the extra few hundred dollars it would take to buy heat and serve foods. And yes, if you are expecting a crowd, people don't take just 1-2 mini hot dogs, so you can't get away with just buying a few boxes and hoping to stretch it out over the course of an event.
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amother
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Wed, Aug 14 2024, 4:36 pm
| amother Firebrick wrote: | | My sibling recently made a vorte. She knew she was going to have people traveling in from all over so she had hot food and it was definitely more than I've seen other vortes put out. I was very grateful. If we would've just been traveling with adults we would have been ok. But we were traveling with our family. Everyone was whining they were hungry. Bh for the food! No one has to put out anything, but it's really nice when you do especially if people are traveling from a distance. |
Exactly.
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amother
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Wed, Aug 14 2024, 4:39 pm
| amother Aquamarine wrote: | Not everyone has a Costco membership, either, why do you assume they can do this?
I think the difference in viewpoints here has a lot to do with the divide between the haves and have nots. Some people just really can't spend the extra few hundred dollars it would take to buy heat and serve foods. And yes, if you are expecting a crowd, people don't take just 1-2 mini hot dogs, so you can't get away with just buying a few boxes and hoping to stretch it out over the course of an event. |
You can also make the food yourself. If you’re making cakes and cookies, making a kugel isn’t any more work. Or making your own franks in blanks.
The previous poster said it best-it isn’t expected but it’s nice to have.
I’m just saying it can also be done on a budget. It isn’t all or nothing.
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amother
Tiffanyblue
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Wed, Aug 14 2024, 4:47 pm
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I live in Crown Heights. There's a mini lchaim as soon as the couple comes home with immediate family and usually a day or two late a Lchaim in a hall. Standard is miniatures, cakes, salads, and hot food is extra. It is very much not a given that there will be food at the Lchaim.
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