S/O - poll - Would you put HFA on a yeshiva application?

amother

Fri, Aug 09 2024, 10:24 am

Post HS, Israel.

I have a DS with HFA going into 12th grade. He has done beautifully at his tiny HS, though he clearly has his quirks (takes terrible notes but gets great grades due to amazing memory, loses stuff, is a bit awkward socially, though very kind, only melts down rarey at home, never in public, no longer needs meds or seeing therapist). His current thought and plan is to go to EY next year.

Why, or why not? Please only post reasons based on experience. Opinions not based on experience are not helpful.

amother

Hyssop

Fri, Aug 09 2024, 10:53 am

It would really depend on if I thought my kid could function independently and thrive without me providing structure. Do they need to know this info? Is it necessary to help them? Do they need help? Or would they be able to do everything everyone else does, know when to shower, how and when to do laundry, basic life skills and just come across as a little awkward socially?

I have a DD with Adhd and HFA. Right now she is still in elementary school but she could not function without me running interference.
I hope she gets to the point we can consider Israel.

amother

Chocolate

Sat, Aug 10 2024, 4:11 pm

I have an 18 yr old also with HFASD.
I would recommend not noting it on the application but calling or getting his current rebbe to call and explain that his needs are a little different.

I've tried it all ways.
Not telling - and getting gently asked to move after a few months.
Telling - and not getting accepted
Getting a professional involved - yeshiva ran a mile
Getting his current rebbe involved - he told them that we are very dedicated and as parents will be behind any help that they would like for our son. His needs are not huge or so different and he is a real mensch. After a lot of hesitation they accepted him, asked for a therapist and that one of his chavrusos should be an older bachur who mentors him socially. bH doing ok right now.

amother

Vanilla

Sun, Aug 11 2024, 12:41 pm

amother Chocolate wrote:

This. I believe school should know but in a smart way, like above.

amother

Jetblack

Mon, Aug 12 2024, 12:16 am

amother OP wrote:

I was the original OP about my son getting rejected, and have spent the last week ruminating on this. My son is basically as you describe above, very smart and high achieving in chol subjects (he did hardest year 12 math subject a year early for example), is probably average for his class regarding kodesh but tries hard and enjoys learning, no meltdowns, loses stuff or is forgetful (like bringing tefillin home from school before holidays etc which always necessitates a trip back), so we try to put in strategies to help with organisation. Is a kind and caring person who wants to have friends, and probably appears a little quirky and slightly socially off but maybe I just notice it more. He is on meds for ADHD which help with concentration, but without it he wouldn't be able to live up to his potential so I don't see coming off them as an option. He still sees therapist mainly to work on improving social skills and working or organisation etc, it is probably less necessary now but it is paid 100% by our government, plus having that connection had helped with reports for special arrangements for exams (extra breaks etc).

On the balance of everything, and we still have to ask a sheilah about this, I won't be putting about his diagnosis for future applications as I don't believe people can see past this to even find out what extra supports he might need. Instead once accepted we will just advise what things he struggles with in a way that doesn't give too much away. It is sad that we need to do this but I don't see another way. If I felt he needed so much extra support that they needed to know it would be a different answer, and if he had other mental health concerns like anxiety or depression, and I was worried that it could be exacerbated without them knowing again it would be different. We also have family there who are aware and can keep an eye out for him. He can be a bit of a space cadet at times, so am a bit worried about him in a strange city, but hopefully my husband being there for the first few weeks to teach him the ropes will help.