The nine days feel relaxing

amother

Sun, Aug 04 2024, 9:53 pm

I know that we’re supposed to feel pain over the churban and therefore can’t do laundry, eat meat, etc. But for me it feels like a break. No laundry for a week and a half. Super easy dinners because my family doesn’t like much dairy so it’s basically pizza and grilled cheese kind of foods. It’s pretty much a vacation for me. I’d feel the suffering a lot more if I had to do laundry every day and cook complicated gourmet meals! Do any women really feel more pain because of these restrictions?

amother

Taupe

Sun, Aug 04 2024, 10:01 pm

Our son passed away last year during the nine days. I can honestly say that I never understood aveilus until then. When I first got into my car after shiva, music started blaring and I winced and turned it off… it felt so out of place.
Someone made us a fantastic meal that was absolutely delicious and super fancy. It was soooo wasted on us. I could barely eat, and all I could stomach was simple, comfort food. I couldn’t think about getting dressed in clean clothing… all I could do is grab whatever was available to put it on.
This year the nine days is different. I wish that I could feel as deep mourning for the beis hamikdash as I do for my son. But now I mourn for the fact that I don’t even know what I’m missing and can’t truly mourn for the beis hamikdash. How sad that we are so distanced.
And yes, we’ll be eating super simple meals and taking a break from laundry. Everything else feels wrong. And when the kids ask why we’re eating cereal and milk for dinner, I’ll tell them that I’m too sad to cook because we’re longing for mashiach… because we are.

amother

Glitter

Sun, Aug 04 2024, 10:04 pm

amother Taupe wrote:

I’m so so sorry for your terrible loss! Hashem should bring your family a full nechama

ShishKabob

Sun, Aug 04 2024, 10:06 pm

amother Chocolate wrote:

Maybe it's more time to reflect?

This, we are supposed to reflect and think how Hashem's Schinah is in galus and we should daven to be reunited with the shchinah.

amother

NeonOrange

Sun, Aug 04 2024, 10:06 pm

I actively remind myself of why we're doing these
No meat because we have no karbanos.
No wine because we have no nesachim.
No luxurious showers, no laundry because we are in active aveilus.

Have you ever sat Shiva? I did. It really drove home the reasons behind all of this. The severe pain and grief that the thought of laundry or showers or clean clothes were so far from my mind.
Im not there. But I try to remind myself of that feeling and remind myself of what we're lacking.
The shechina. Nevua. Closeness to Hashem. The Bais Hamikdash.

amother

Salmon

Sun, Aug 04 2024, 10:08 pm

The no laundry is stressful and no hot daily showers is definitely hard for me! And no swimming etc

The dairy dinners is easier but it’s also less filling so I never get to the point like I do after a good fleishig meal of feeling physically stuffed

I’ll be somewhat physically lacking as a reminder that I am majorly spiritually lacking and we all are until Moshiach and the Bais Hamikdash are here.

jflower

Mon, Aug 05 2024, 12:44 am

amother Taupe wrote:

I am so much sorry to hear about your son. Hugs.

giftedmom

Mon, Aug 05 2024, 1:53 am

My kids definitely look fwd to eating breakfast for dinner and not getting fleishig. And I still wash their laundry. They get filthy every single day. Paint, mud, etc.
I did sit shivah and still wanted showers and clean clothes. But not all losses are equal.

Busybee5

Mon, Aug 05 2024, 3:24 am

The pile up of 9 days of washing is enough to make me down! So for me it's really hard.

And I'm cooking meat and shnitzel today for when we go away so it doesn't feel like a vacation. At least not yet, I have a lot to do! Plus on top of that I need to make supper.
And taxiing kids all over today so that's kind of frustrating. For me the worst part is NOT to be able to do the washing. Hate it!