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-> Parenting our children
-> Toddlers
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amother
Electricblue
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 Fri, Aug 02 2024, 12:04 pm
| #BestBubby wrote: | A few minutes is not enough.
Just like fining people $1 for speeding, they also couldn't care less.
Try 15 minutes. |
No way, that is abusive for a 3 year old.
Have you had any changes in the home, a new baby?
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amother
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Fri, Aug 02 2024, 12:07 pm
| amother Electricblue wrote: | No way, that is abusive for a 3 year old.
Have you had any changes in the home, a new baby? |
No. He was always like this, just now he’s older and I expected him to grow out of a lot of this behavior by now.
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#BestBubby
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Fri, Aug 02 2024, 12:10 pm
Regardless if the behavior is normal or not
This misbehavior must be stopped.
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amother
Pewter
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Fri, Aug 02 2024, 2:29 pm
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I think it's kind of normal for a 3yo. Ever heard of the terrible 3's? I have one now & it's way harder than the 2's for me.
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amother
Denim
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Fri, Aug 02 2024, 2:31 pm
Get him evaluated for OT- you don't need to run to asd or adhd. Go through CPSE if in Brooklyn to get OT and SEIT. OT can work on reflex intergration, emotional regulation, any sensory needs. SEIT can help with learning new behavior patterns and social skills in group setting, helping with carrying over OT strategies etc.
You can also do home based OT through insurance lmk if you need info.
I have a wonderful kid like this, he grew tremendously from going to aquatherapy (covered by pt and ot through insurance at a center, their dr on staff wrote the prescription) which is a natural way to help with dysregulation, reflex and sensory intergration.
I'd say to get to the root of the behaviors- if this is a real need of his body then punishing him won't have a long term affect.
Talk to him when he is calm and give options for replacement behaviors that he can pick when he feels like he is getting out of control, make a sign with pictures of these things (bubbles and drinking with straw helps with breathing regulation, trampoline for when needs to release energy, play dough/water play/squishy for when craving input, fidget toy when anxious etc etc)
Teach him to tune into body cues, sing song are you thirsty/hungry/need bathroom etc
(For what it's worth, my kid has made me into a much better therapist, parenting coach and human being... hang in there!!)
Last edited by amother on Fri, Aug 02 2024, 2:49 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Just Me :)
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Fri, Aug 02 2024, 2:40 pm
PLEASE get him evaluated for OT. I had similar difficulties with my daughter and we tried different parenting, child psychologist, being stricter, being less strict, and OT is the ONLY thing that helped. She LOVES it. She was dysregulated and as a result needed to exert control, which can include not listening, being mean, meltdowns, impulsive hitting, etc.
OT does wonders for kids who are disregulated and I wish more parents knew this! It has changed our life(and my daughter's life).
Hatzlacha raba!
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amother
Almond
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Fri, Aug 02 2024, 2:43 pm
| #BestBubby wrote: | | Did you try locking him in his room for 15 minutes? |
That is too long. We do a minute per year. So 3 minutes of alone time. I have a child this age and 5 minutes is a long time for her.
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amother
Hunter
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Fri, Aug 02 2024, 2:43 pm
Just Me  wrote: | PLEASE get him evaluated for OT. I had similar difficulties with my daughter and we tried different parenting, child psychologist, being stricter, being less strict, and OT is the ONLY thing that helped. She LOVES it. She was dysregulated and as a result needed to exert control, which can include not listening, being mean, meltdowns, impulsive hitting, etc.
OT does wonders for kids who are disregulated and I wish more parents knew this! It has changed our life(and my daughter's life).
Hatzlacha raba! |
What type of ot?
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amother
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Fri, Aug 02 2024, 2:50 pm
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For the people suggesting ot, we did a lot of ot already. I never saw a difference. When he’s hitting it’s not hard, it’s almost like he does it for the reaction.
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amother
Brunette
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Fri, Aug 02 2024, 2:58 pm
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Buy a parenting book and see where that goes. It's clear this child needs a different method than what you used for your other kids.
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amother
Slateblue
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Fri, Aug 02 2024, 3:24 pm
Totally normal behavior
I have no idea what others imas are reading if they are suggesting autism or other ..
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Dolly Welsh
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Fri, Aug 02 2024, 3:50 pm
Well if he gets tons of attention, as the youngest, maybe he is getting TOO much attention. Try doing something differently. This particular kid should have to work for positive experience. No all kids, just this particular one. He is taking you for granted.
More father time.
Fathers have a different voice and different, heavier, hands. When they restrain a kid from hitting, that kid feels it much more.
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amother
Lightcyan
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Sat, Aug 03 2024, 12:05 pm
| #BestBubby wrote: | | Did you try locking him in his room for 15 minutes? |
Please please don’t try this. I can’t believe someone wrote this in todays day and age. This is such old school chinuch that does not work. We’re not trying to stop this behavior for the short term. We need to figure out the route of the problem. Your son is asking for attention and this would be the worst thing for him. It sounds like he’s impulsive and OT will really help him
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amother
Maroon
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Sat, Aug 03 2024, 1:08 pm
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My four year old is like this and also the youngest. I think it's to do with being the youngest, being adored and babied, while also having older siblings who all have more privileges and abilities than him.
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amother
Snowflake
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Sat, Aug 03 2024, 7:04 pm
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When one of mine was like this, unfortunately it was a cry for help. The after school care he was receiving was not treating him well and it was his way of telling me something was wrong. After he was removed from that situation, he started getting better and while he still misbehaves it decreased by like 70%, after a couple of months.
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amother
NeonPink
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Sat, Aug 03 2024, 7:15 pm
My 2.5 year old is just like this.
Only thing I find that works is (and I know it sounds like it would never work but surprisingly does)
To use action instead of language. You tell them that you will physically prevent them from misbehavior and then actually follow through. There is no yelling nooooo and any of that. You are calm and very matter of fact and reaffirm your authority as parent. By the way I’m not into the gentle parenting but when you scream at them then you appear weak
When You won’t come inside? You either come by count if 3 or I will carry you inside
You won’t put back or drop this (forbidden object)? If you don’t out it back I’ll need to take it from you
You can’t stop hitting? I will stop you from hitting by holding you tight or removing you from the room
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WhatFor
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Sat, Aug 03 2024, 7:39 pm
The Explosive Child could be really helpful for you in terms of tuning in to what triggers him and understanding him. Some of the suggested strategies may be more for kids a bit older, but I still think it can be helpful and adapted to him.
It's often tricky at that age because a lot of inappropriate behaviors are typical anyway but sometimes they can be indications of something else going on, like ASD/ADHD, an upsetting daycare or home environment, or even something like not enough sleep/hunger/nutrient deficiency. I think the Explosive Child is good at helping you identify triggers and which skills are missing (other than things from bloodwork, obviously).
But what stands out is that you said he already got OT. That suggests to me that he's been flagged as missing skills anyway, so an evaluation could be good to get to the root of it. If it's ASD or ADHD, there might even be sensory triggers you're just not picking up on that are setting him off, and he'd need professional help.
He also might benefit from some kind of speech skills in terms of identifying his feelings and communicating them to you. There are so many kids books and games about this these days, so it's also something you can work on with him. And don't mean just when he's already having an episode but just as a fun game, when he's in a good mood. For example, one thing I love are Kimochis. Google them. I've mostly seen them sold as a classroom activity, but we use them at home and love them. It's great at teaching kids to tune in and identify their feelings. It's something you can do every day and even get all of your kids involved.
And for goodness sake, please don't listen to people telling you to punish him for these things like locking him in a room. He's so young and he's acting out to get your help because he's missing skills. If this turns into a power struggle, expect things to escalate and worsen. Empower him by finding what he's missing and give him the skills to succeed. Please don't make him feel "bad" and worthless for acting in ways beyond his control.
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thegiver
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Sat, Aug 03 2024, 8:01 pm
| amother OP wrote: | My other kids were not like this. He never listens when I say no or tell him to do something (like if he threw something on the floor and I tell him he needs to pick it up he just ignores me), he’s constantly throwing and spilling things on purpose, he’ll walk over to me, his siblings and just hit them randomly, tells me “I’m gonna beat you up” if he doesn’t get what he wants… I’ve told him repeatedly he can’t talk like that, can’t hit etc, nothing makes a difference.
If it’s normal, How do I deal with a child like this? |
Get in his face. Wait it out. Say I’m not letting you hurt others.
One of his emotional needs is being neglected for my son it was touch.
Try to keep things positive
Take him out alone for ice cream and just chat. Listen. Talk to him.
A weighted blanket might help.
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