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-> Parenting our children
-> Toddlers
amother
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 Thu, Aug 01 2024, 3:30 pm
My other kids were not like this. He never listens when I say no or tell him to do something (like if he threw something on the floor and I tell him he needs to pick it up he just ignores me), he’s constantly throwing and spilling things on purpose, he’ll walk over to me, his siblings and just hit them randomly, tells me “I’m gonna beat you up” if he doesn’t get what he wants… I’ve told him repeatedly he can’t talk like that, can’t hit etc, nothing makes a difference.
If it’s normal, How do I deal with a child like this?
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amother
Hyssop
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Thu, Aug 01 2024, 3:38 pm
Behavior modification
Reward good behavior and read books about it
Sticker Charts with a prize
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amother
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Thu, Aug 01 2024, 3:43 pm
| amother Hyssop wrote: | Behavior modification
Reward good behavior and read books about it
Sticker Charts with a prize |
I’ve tried , he doesn’t care about consequences, rewards, prizes…
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amother
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Thu, Aug 01 2024, 3:45 pm
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Did you evaluate him? It can be asd.. adhd.. processing disorder etc.. does he speak on an age appropriate level? Does he seem to hear ok?
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amother
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Thu, Aug 01 2024, 3:51 pm
| amother Begonia wrote: | | Did you evaluate him? It can be asd.. adhd.. processing disorder etc.. does he speak on an age appropriate level? Does he seem to hear ok? |
I wouldn’t even know where to start evaluating him. What about this behavior points to asd or adhd? He speaks fine (not super clear yet but pretty expressive) and hears fine.
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amother
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Thu, Aug 01 2024, 3:53 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | I wouldn’t even know where to start evaluating him. What about this behavior points to asd or adhd? He speaks fine (not super clear yet but pretty expressive) and hears fine. |
Impulsive, ignoring commands, aggression..
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amother
Cyclamen
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Thu, Aug 01 2024, 3:54 pm
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If you want to go the alternative route, you can try healing his gut with diet and ferments. Constitutional homeopathy can also be very helpful.
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oneofakind
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Thu, Aug 01 2024, 3:58 pm
Have you tried positive attention? One on one quality time? Praising him for the times he does comply.
Could be your other kids were just more obedient type. Does he behave in school?
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amother
Grape
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Thu, Aug 01 2024, 4:00 pm
| amother Begonia wrote: | | Did you evaluate him? It can be asd.. adhd.. processing disorder etc.. does he speak on an age appropriate level? Does he seem to hear ok? |
I don’t think a 3 year old can be diagnosed with these things…
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amother
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Thu, Aug 01 2024, 4:01 pm
| amother Grape wrote: | | I don’t think a 3 year old can be diagnosed with these things… |
They do start the necessary therapies and say it’s likely and we will know definitively when we reevaluate. They are starting to diagnose younger these days.
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AlwaysGrateful
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Thu, Aug 01 2024, 4:03 pm
How do you respond when he hits?
Does he get attention during the day? (No judgement if the answer is "not a ton" -- life does get busy...)
Do you notice any triggers that bother him more than you'd expect? For example, does he explode after being touched in some way? Or after a lot of sensory input?
How is his food intake? Sleeping patterns?
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#BestBubby
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Thu, Aug 01 2024, 4:07 pm
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Did you try locking him in his room for 15 minutes?
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amother
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Thu, Aug 01 2024, 4:08 pm
| oneofakind wrote: | Have you tried positive attention? One on one quality time? Praising him for the times he does comply.
Could be your other kids were just more obedient type. Does he behave in school? | he’s my youngest and gets tons of attention. I do positive reinforcement and he’s happy in the moment but he definitely is impulsive and will do it again.
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amother
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Thu, Aug 01 2024, 4:16 pm
| #BestBubby wrote: | | Did you try locking him in his room for 15 minutes? | I lock him in a room for a few minutes after he hits me and he couldn’t care less.
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amother
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Thu, Aug 01 2024, 4:19 pm
| AlwaysGrateful wrote: | How do you respond when he hits?
Does he get attention during the day? (No judgement if the answer is "not a ton" -- life does get busy...)
Do you notice any triggers that bother him more than you'd expect? For example, does he explode after being touched in some way? Or after a lot of sensory input?
How is his food intake? Sleeping patterns? |
He gets lots of attention. I don’t see any triggers. Sometimes I feel like there’s a curiosity when he does things- like he wants to see the reaction or what will happen when he does xyz. Other times it really feels random.
He’s not a good eater. He’s very picky but I try to give him food throughout the day. He sleeps fine. Wakes up quite early… he actually was really tired today after daycamp and was impossible but it was too late for a nap.
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#BestBubby
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Thu, Aug 01 2024, 4:48 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | I lock him in a room for a few minutes after he hits me and he couldn’t care less. |
A few minutes is not enough.
Just like fining people $1 for speeding, they also couldn't care less.
Try 15 minutes.
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miami85
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Thu, Aug 01 2024, 4:49 pm
It is very normal, he wants control of the situation. It's the age of autonomy. They think they know everything and everything needs to be the way that they understand it.
The trick is to come up with ways of staying in control without totally giving into him.
You pick the desired outcome
Then you give the choices of how to get to the outcome.
Target: That needs to go in the garbage. "No!"
I'm going to count to 5, it either goes in the garbage, or you go to your room (or some other undesireable consequence).
Target: You need to get dressed. "No!"
You can choose the clothes, You can choose a number from 20-50, You can choose which room we get dressed.
Child hits sibling--"What happened?" "He didn't let me do xyz" ok, did you tell him that? No. well that is what you need to do next time. If you do that again there will be a consequence. Now "use your words and say sorry.
Often my assistants would say "Use your words!"--but you need to provide those prompts of which words were supposed to be use. Help them verbalize the words that were required in the previous engagement that led to the hitting.
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wabcs
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Thu, Aug 01 2024, 4:52 pm
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Honestly sounds like typical 3 year old boy behavior (the harder end of normal). I don't have much in the way of solutions to offer but I always feel like the terrible 2s is a misnomer. IMHO 3s is almost always much more difficult.
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AlwaysGrateful
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Thu, Aug 01 2024, 4:57 pm
| wabcs wrote: | | Honestly sounds like typical 3 year old boy behavior (the harder end of normal). I don't have much in the way of solutions to offer but I always feel like the terrible 2s is a misnomer. IMHO 3s is almost always much more difficult. |
I'm leaning towards this. It's hard to tell, but with the amount of information you've given us, I don't think there are any real red flags that would require more intervention.
Three years old is a hard age. Especially with boys. Sure, there are kids who go through it easily, but for many kids, it's just hard. They do grow out of it if you continue teaching them, but what you're describing seems pretty age-appropriate at this point.
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