Non-frum Jewish school for 3y/o

amother

OP ↓

Tue, Jul 30 2024, 10:59 pm

We're very OOT and there's a reform Jewish preschool that's nearby, and the closest orthodox school is a substantial drive. (We're moving in 1-2 yrs so it won't be an issue beyond preschool.) The reform school has a handful of frum kids and many intermarried and not even Jewish kids. How bad of an environment is this for a 3 yr old? Is it fine?

We lean MO-ish, so I'd appreciate responses from people in education and people who aren't so right wing. I can't imagine any in-town right-wing woman thinking this would be fine, but I'm not an in-town right-wing woman and I'm curious to get honest feedback from women more like me.

amother

Lightblue

Tue, Jul 30 2024, 11:00 pm

amother OP wrote:

My 3 year old has speech and comprehension issues and is going to Lakewood public school this school year 🤷🏻‍♀️

Tirza

Tue, Jul 30 2024, 11:31 pm

MO, experienced teacher here.
It’s fine. If the preschool teaches the basics- alef bet, Shabbos party, chagim- your 3 year old won’t know that it’s not an Orthodox environment.
You’ll need to be careful about play dates, though, because most of her classmates’ homes and birthday parties will not be kosher.

amother

Trillium

Tue, Jul 30 2024, 11:32 pm

I'm in town right wing and if I were you I would consider it.

I would carefully check out the school. First of all, for kashrus and second of all, I really would not want my kid exposed to lgbtq at that age. Otherwise, the preschools tend to be a whole lot better than the older kids. They tend to give over the same general messages of a little bit of Hebrew, a little bit of holidays.

Get the vibe. Some reform preschools will teach about the Seder and the four cups of wine similar to a frumer school and some will teach a very different and alternative story....

Also know your kid. A typical 3-year-old most of the problematic stuff will fly over his head. But if you have a very inquisitive mature kid, it's a different story.

giftedmom ↓

Wed, Jul 31 2024, 12:05 am

In-town right wing and for a 3 year old I think it’s fine as long as there’s a plan to switch in the next two years. They really don’t see much religious differences at this age especially if they’re used to seeing many different people in their day to day life.
My kids this age I take to the local park and they play with all kinds of kids of all colors and backgrounds.

gr82no

Wed, Jul 31 2024, 12:38 am

Im not from the kind of ppl you want an answer so I wont say my opinion but check that they dont change any details of parsha/ yomim tovim. What a kid learns sticks with him and he'll have misconceptions for a long time.
Unless everything flies over his head three is the age where they start remembering and building on past memories and experiences.

amother

Springgreen

Wed, Jul 31 2024, 5:41 am

There's not frum and there's anti-frum.

Not frum is fine. Anti-frum is not. You need to check into the details.

Also check what the rules about food are.

I send to conservative daycare/preschool until 3 and have had a great experience, but they're very frum friendly.

amother

Winterberry

Wed, Jul 31 2024, 6:20 am

We are MO and sent our kids to a traditional conservative preschool for one year at this age. We then moved them to Gan at their eventual school. It was a great year with a lot of Jewish content and so many nice resources for the kids (music, visiting firetrucks, songs with the chazan, beautiful playground.) I did check on Kashrut and the school had a list of approved hechshers that I would buy. Play dates were harder but people were very respectful, buying food at our local kosher grocery and serving on paper. There were a number of religious families in the school. I see no reason to be fearful and you can also see this as an opportunity for kiddush HaShem.

amother

Jetblack

Wed, Jul 31 2024, 8:15 am

I went to a oot day school. Orthodox kids were the minority, and some kids were not even halachicly Jewish. The difference is the school was run by Orthodox people.
Like previous posters said before, I would check that a strict kosher diet is honored for your child. And my bigger concern is that they do not throw liberal ideology and trief hashkafos at the kids. Very sad you need to be concerned about this at age 3, but unfortunately public libraries host drag queen storytime for toddlers, so you never know.

Will your child be there all day? I'm assuming you are working and therefore can't keep child home for the next 1-2 years? How far away is the "substantial drive" to an Orthodox preschool?

amother

Rose

Wed, Jul 31 2024, 8:22 am

Like others said, check the kashrus situation and the woke situation (something I wouldn't have thought of a few years ago) but it should be fine at that age. They'll learn chagim and some Hebrew stuff, they're not generally teaching Hashkafa at that age (though these days with woke stuff, you never know...) They will probably learn some of the Debbie Friedman classics, which, while you may not be familiar with them, they are great songs 😀 If you really are moving before the kid starts kindergarten, you should be good. He'll go into K knowing what he needs to know for a typical frum school.

amother

Amethyst

Wed, Jul 31 2024, 8:24 am

I personally would be very wary of sending to a reform school. Even more than a public school. Abba having sent many kids to warm and loving Morah’s at that age, I personally can’t imagine letting my pure innocent baby learn things that may be antithetical to Torah.
That’s my personal opinion. I’m from OOT originally and I have no problem with exposing my older kids to all kinds of people and ideas. I just know just how important those formative years are.

amother

Scarlet

Wed, Jul 31 2024, 8:55 am

Reform is very different than conservative
Sometimes in the conservative pre-schools there are Frum teachers.

What will happen when they talk about Shabbat being family time and how they make kiddush, eat dinner, and then sit around the TV as a family
-or-
Having both a menorah and an Xmas tree
-or-
Going to their nanas place of worship
-or-
On Shabbat we wait for the organ player to start and then the FEMALE rabbi reads

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Aug 04 2024, 3:25 pm

OP here again. Did some more digging. It doesn't seem like the school is overtly anti-orthodox, I.e., purposely teaching that orthodox Judaism is bad. It's not an overtly politically liberal school either from what I can tell. I think politically liberal woke stuff often goes hand in hand with anti-orthodox stuff, and I know there's not a lot of trannie and gay nonsense there. Their social media doesn't have stuff about pride shabbats, BLM nonsense, etc.

But is there subtle stuff going on that is inconsistent with orthodox Judaism? Will it even matter at 3-4 if he's exposed to it? I have no idea. What do people consider anti-orthodox for a 3 y/o? If they do Shabbat on Friday and a girl wants to wear a kippah, they probably won't tell her no. Is that reason enough not to go to the school?

More specific examples of anti-orthodox messaging and things to look for would be great

amother

Banana

Sun, Aug 04 2024, 3:40 pm

I'm not who you're asking but I think there's a difference between year 3-4 & year 4-5. The latter is practically a school ages kid who will likely remember specifics being taught whereas a 3 year old I'd be less worried.

↑ giftedmom

Sun, Aug 04 2024, 5:20 pm

amother OP wrote:

Maybe normalizing intermarriage and outright hypocrisy like bread at a Pesach Seder? Just some things that come to mind from pj library books.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Aug 04 2024, 6:36 pm

giftedmom wrote:

Maybe normalizing intermarriage and outright hypocrisy like bread at a Pesach Seder? Just some things that come to mind from pj library books.

Yeah intermarriage is a big problem there, like anywhere else among the secular American Jewry. They openly say some fairly large percent of their families are intermarried, and then even among the families with two "Jewish" parents, you have to figure that a fair amount of those parents aren't even really Jewish themselves. So the real number of kids who are halachically Jewish and born to 2 halachically Jewish parents is probably fairly small.

I'm not an educator, and I don't know whether a school would even *actively* have to do anything to normalize intermarriage. His class is going to be full of kids with intermarried parents, whether the school says anything to normalize it or not. Again, we're MO and we don't live in a haredi bubble and he's going to learn eventually about a lot of Jews are intermarried and the reasons why marrying Jewish is important, but for a 3-4y/o to have a bunch of friends from intermarried families, is he going to "get" what's going on?