Regret baby’s name

amother

OP ↓

Mon, Jul 29 2024, 6:25 pm

I never liked my grandfathers name and my husband was fine with not using the name so we chose a different name. We felt comfortable with the name we chose but minutes after the bris someone asked me why I didn’t add the chosen name to the grandfather’s name and now I regret I didn’t. I can’t shake the feeling and want to feel more comfortable about the name choice. Any ideas or chizzuk?

amother

Nasturtium

Mon, Jul 29 2024, 6:38 pm

I also dislike my baby’s name. We wanted one name after a relative and called the closest living relative to that person and was told the chosen name was not actually the person’s name, though living relative couldn’t remember what the name was. So we named after someone else, which was a name I don’t love. Come to find out after the bris that the name absolutely was the name we thought. I wanted to change baby’s name but my husband won’t do it. So I just call baby by his second name.

If your DH is on board, you can add/change the name. I’m not sure exactly the process, but our Rav did it with one of his children so there is some way.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Jul 29 2024, 6:50 pm

So I love the name we chose but just received criticism why we didn’t add the grandfather’s name to our chosen name and now I can’t shake the feeling that we made a mistake. Technically there’s no why we didn’t add the name to our chosen name, honestly didn’t think of it till after we got the comments. Idk, not going to go and add the name now but I just want to feel more confident with our choice.

happy chick

Mon, Jul 29 2024, 6:54 pm

You did what you did cuz that's what Hashem wanted. There are no "mistakes". This is what your baby was meant to be named. If he was meant to have your grandfather's name (along with another one of your choice), you or your husband would have thought of it. Please stop agonizing.

And tell all the yentes (yes, you can say it in my name) to please MYOB.

Wishing you lots and lots of nachas from your little prince.

lakewood mom

Mon, Jul 29 2024, 7:43 pm

amother OP wrote:

The only questioning that should be done- is why in the world someone would approach you and ask you that?! You named your baby something. You had your reasons for it. NO ONE should question your decision. And you shouldn’t feel the need to question yourself either. Parents have a sense of “ruach hakodesh” when it comes to naming their children. It was meant to be- and don’t doubt yourself! Mazel Tov Smile

shirachadasha

Mon, Jul 29 2024, 7:55 pm

Appropriate comments to a mother of a newborn boy include:
1. Mazal tov
2. Wishing you much nachas
3. You should be zoche ligadlo liTorah, lichupa ulimaasim tovim
4. Can I make dinner for you?
5. I want to get a gift. Do you prefer an outfit or a gift certificate?
6. What a beautiful name

I'm sorry but "why didn't you name him [fill in the blank]?" didn't make the cut Rolling Eyes

Last edited by shirachadasha on Mon, Jul 29 2024, 7:57 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Thistle

Mon, Jul 29 2024, 7:56 pm

FYI, hormones do not help with name regret.
If u suffer from ppd or ppa, name regret is a classic symptom. I didn’t know about this but had name regret after we named my daughter and realized I was not being logical and my anxiety was causing it.
It’s gotten so so much better since treatment and almost feels bizarre that I was ruminating and obsessing so much.
I will echo what someone else said here, trust that Hashem guided you to making the right decision.
Who knows why but your baby was meant to have this name and not the name for ur relative.
May you have tons of nachas!!!

amother

Beige

Mon, Jul 29 2024, 7:59 pm

happy chick wrote:

You said it the best.

amother

↑ OP

Mon, Jul 29 2024, 8:42 pm

Thank you, I really appreciate everyone who answered and made me feel better about the decision. Without going into much detail my husband and I got a really strong feeling the day before the bris and really felt like we received the ruach hakodesh everyone talks about. But it’s easy to second guess something that you can’t change especially when you’re dealing with miffed in-laws.

amother

NeonYellow

Tue, Jul 30 2024, 1:55 am

During my first pregnancy when we discussed names, we were thinking to name for my great grandfather (BH we had all living grandparents at the time), but I was hesitant as it was the same name as dh's brother. After baby was born and were talking names, for some reason I had totally forgotten that was my hesitation and we named that name. It was only after he was named that I remembered about that. It was obviously meant to be and his name suits him.
Ignore people's comments.

amother

Hydrangea

Tue, Jul 30 2024, 2:00 am

No one should be questioning, but if you feel compelled to answer, you can say "this is the name that felt right."

If you have more boys in the future, don't feel pressured to use that name, but it's always a consideration.

One of my kids has a name that I initially couldn't get on board with, but it grew on me almost immediately after baby was born and it's such a perfect fit BH 🥰

amother

Babypink

Tue, Jul 30 2024, 2:13 am

amother OP wrote:

a name is really bashert. Parents' think they choose a name when really Hashem puts into the parents head what the name should be.
Youre making me feel terrible now since I made a negative comment about my own name in front of my parents and it made them feel bad about something they cant change.
my father mentioned then that before my kiddush they were thinking of adding a name .. but, drumroll please, they wanted to please in laws.
nebach. why did I have to make that comment? a name is bashert after all. But guess what? they gave me a weirdo name to please others. is that fair? a parent knows whats best and wants it one way and no one's opinion should be taken into consideration.

edited to add that I got the most beautiful amother name for this post LOL

salt

Tue, Jul 30 2024, 2:25 am

If the grandfather's name is a name that you dislike, there really isn't any point even adding it as a second name.
A name that you are never going to use, except when he gets called up to the Torah isn't really worth adding, in my opinion.
Don't let that questioner make you feel bad.

essie14

Tue, Jul 30 2024, 2:28 am

The person that asked you that was way out of line. Please put it out of your head.
In the future if anyone asks a parent "why didn't you add ___ name?" You can answer, "this is the name we feel suits this child" and close the discussion.
Mazal tov!

imaima

Tue, Jul 30 2024, 3:24 am

amother OP wrote:

You cannot just start doubting your decisions because „someone“ says something.
There will always be „someones“.
And if anyone dares to question naming choice of a couple with a new baby, this person is off and shouldn’t be taken into account

amother

Snowflake

Tue, Jul 30 2024, 3:50 am

amother OP wrote:

I find that people can be downright rude with their questions. I'm sorry someone said this to you. It is completely inappropriate on their part.

Feel confident that your babies name is the one he is meant to have!