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Forum
-> Parenting our children
Do you lay with your kids to sleep?
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| No. I do our bedtime routine & leave |
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42% |
[ 72 ] |
| I lay with my child for up to 5 minutes |
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10% |
[ 18 ] |
| I lay with my child for 10-15 min |
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13% |
[ 22 ] |
| I lay with my child for however long it takes, even if it's an hour |
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33% |
[ 56 ] |
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| Total Votes : 168 |
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amother
Oleander
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 Mon, Jul 29 2024, 12:01 am
| amother RosePink wrote: | um
what's the bedtime routine
is it more than just
'time for bed'
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Krias shema
Negel vasser
Tuck in
Kiss
Less than 5 minutes but there's still some routine.
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amother
Poinsettia
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Mon, Jul 29 2024, 12:27 am
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Still sit on my 12yo's bed for 20 minutes at bedtime every night. It's the best time to shmooze and connect.
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OddoneOut1
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Mon, Jul 29 2024, 8:28 am
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I put my 3 littles to sleep at the same time in the same room- we do books on the couch and then everyone goes into bed/crib, Sheba and a story and then Everyone gets a kiss. I always tell them that I’m going to clean up the house and get dhs supper ready. They know they can call me if they need anything and that I can check up on them. I also leave the door open so they hear me listening to music or a shiur. As they get older I imagine I’ll want to hang out and schmooze for 5-10 minutes and unwind with them because it’s a great connecting time, but while they are still so little, this has been working
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amother
Dodgerblue
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Mon, Jul 29 2024, 8:46 am
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We lie down for 5 min then stay in their room until they’re asleep- we started when they started sharing a room and fighting or playing as soon as we left.
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Chayalle
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Mon, Jul 29 2024, 9:09 am
| amother NeonBlue wrote: | I think it’s healthy for kids to learn how to be ok being by themselves and how to fall asleep alone. My parents sometimes still have to sit with my 11 year old brother for him to fall asleep (Ben zikunim with big age gap).
I taught my kids to be ok in the cribs by themselves and I do our bedtime routine, put them in the crib, and they hangout until they fall asleep. Obviously if they are physically uncomfortable/in pain or other occasional exceptions I deviate from my “rule” but overall, they are great at putting themselves to bed BH! |
And I think it's perfectly fine to sit with an 11 year old. It will probably peter out soon.....I used to sit with DD at night, and it probably ended around when she was Bas Mitzva or so, and I think of that time with no small amount of nostalgia. It encouraged her to talk to me about all sorts of things and feel heard.....
Even now, sometimes DD will bring a book and curl up next to me at night, we both read, and then she goes to bed and so do I. It's just a night-time cozy routine.
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amother
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Mon, Jul 29 2024, 9:49 am
The replies are fascinating.
I read my four year old two books and then we say Shema.
After that I sit in her bed and sit in her bed and sit in her bed until she falls asleep. It can range from 10 minutes to an hour and a half.
The sitting with the kids always starts with my husband when inevitably at some point between the ages of two and three, he will be doing bedtime and the child will go in a crib and start kvetching so he will sit with them.
He'll do the same the next night and the next night until the child just cannot fall asleep without a parent in the room. At some point I'll probably take over because he's usually busy in the evening and for the next 4 to 6 years I'm spending my entire evening hopping from bed to bed and Kid to Kid.
Now I have an infant, so from 6:45 to 7:15 I'm nursing and doing bedtime and then right after that starts the 4-year-old's bedtime. And I could be in her room sometimes until 8:45. My 8 yo finally started going to sleep by himself last year.
A lot of my kids in general have a hard time falling asleep. That's why I despite being an extremely scheduled person I tend to let my kids have later bedtime when I see they struggle. But they are allowed to read in bed until they can fall asleep. However long it takes.
The difference between this one and my other kids is that she will sleep in when she goes to sleep late and she will naturally get a solid 12 hours every night whereas my other kids who struggle will always wake up by 7:30 no matter what time they go to sleep.
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amother
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Mon, Jul 29 2024, 10:18 am
I honestly just don't see the point. Do we want to train our kids that they can't use the bathroom unless we're sitting there encouraging them, long after the age where other kids can use the bathroom independently just fine? What about school drop-off, do we want to train our kids that they can't manage in kg unless we sit there with them for the first half hour?
I want to put a big distinction between spending time with your kid at bedtime reading to them, talking to them, going over their day, etc, and literally just sitting there silently as they try to fall asleep. (And I feel like even when the talking time is done, if you're there then that encourages them to try talking to you whenever new thoughts occur to them.)
I acknowledge that I am lucky enough that my two kids of the fighting/playing stage don't share a room, but when we have guests and those two need to share a room for Shabbos, I'll either stagger their bedtimes or put one to sleep in my bed and transfer that kid back in before I go to bed. But if I had no other option, I would rather find some way to motivate them to work on coexisting at night, such as playing a story tape that only stays on as long as they're in their own beds and quiet, etc. I can't fathom spending my whole evening sitting in a room making sure my kid lies quietly in bed, and I can't fathom training my kid to need that in order to fall asleep.
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amother
Offwhite
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Mon, Jul 29 2024, 10:23 am
We have a night routine, read book, say shema, shmooze for 2 minutes and then good night I leave and close the door. When I move my kids to beds, I do it at over 3, and I explain you are big now and big enough to stay in it. There is no coming out unless you are going to the bathroom, or there is blood, vomit or fire in which you can come find me. Babies I start a good routine from day 1, I put them down awake before they are tired and they go to sleep when ready.
I grew up watching my parents lay with all the kids and have no night, I also lacked sleep skills and didn’t know how to fall asleep. Still have sleep issues. I needed better for my kids.
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gold2
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Mon, Jul 29 2024, 12:14 pm
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I don't lie with them in their beds, I sit a few minutes depending on the night, to give some attention and possibly read a book. It sounds like you are only asking about lying in their beds which I would find strange. Is that what you mean?
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Goldengoose
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Mon, Jul 29 2024, 2:54 pm
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I have a special chair in each bedroom but I dont make a habit of it. every child gets me near their bed a different night, no rules.
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amother
Natural
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Mon, Jul 29 2024, 3:02 pm
My oldest is almost 3
We brush teeth and get into pajamas
We read 2 books on the couch
Then sing a few songs like hamalach hagoel on her bed
Hugs and kisses and then I leave her room
I'm do glad we didn't get into a routine where I'm stuck in her room waiting for her to fall asleep
She knows we love her and if she needs us she can call out for us
I once babysat my neice and I had to sit and sit and sit and then quietly sneak out when she finally fell asleep, I did not like it
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amother
Yarrow
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Mon, Jul 29 2024, 3:15 pm
I never sleep trained because I couldn't hear my baby cry for more than a few minutes. Now she's 2.5. I lay with her till she falls asleep and she usually sleeps through the night, sometimes we have to come in again.
How can I transition to her falling asleep alone?
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amother
Purple
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Mon, Jul 29 2024, 3:39 pm
When there was a stage of the endless chatter and fights when the older 2 went to bed at the same time, I would stay in the room until one or both would fall asleep but it was horrendous.
now my 2 yr old and 5 yr old go to sleep at the same time, sometimes I will stay in the room and prep their clothes for the next day or sit in their room for a few minutes but generally not until they fall asleep unless one drops off straight away.
my 7 yr old then goes to bed and if I can will sit for a few minutes with her.
Its very important for them to learn to sleep on their own. you arent there for them always.
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AlwaysGrateful
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Mon, Jul 29 2024, 3:47 pm
Nope. We have a nice bedtime routine. Read a story, say shema, tuck in, kisses, that's it.
I can't even imagine lying there with one kid waiting for them to fall asleep, much less with multiple kids. Odds are I'd fall asleep and wake up there the next morning...
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