What do you have that people are jealous of?

amother

Aqua

Sun, Jul 28 2024, 5:18 am

Just Me wrote:

Do you mind if I ask how this is different than a heterosexual husband? I am not asking to cv's belittle, I am just trying to understand. In my head I don't view other women as a risk to my husband's fidelity, but are you saying that he feels that he needs to get his 'fix' with men in addition to his marriage with you?

It’s very different because close relationships with women is a no no for married men.
However, when a husband is bi, even his own close male friends are a threat, and even more so because they are “legit” relationships. In other words, he’s around men all day, in a very legitimate way, making it very easy to get too close for comfort…
It’s much harder to trust them this way.
It’s a very painful life.

amother

Cyan

Sun, Jul 28 2024, 5:40 am

amother Lightyellow wrote:

I am really and truly living a life full of joy and blessing.

We have fulfilling, flexible, well paying jobs, a sweet little house, beautiful, smart, precious children. We can afford everything we need, and many things we want. We laugh a lot, enjoy each other's company a lot. I think people can see that we're confident in who we are, deeply content. My husband and I love each other so much. I feel so safe with him, so protected and respected and seen. I feel deeply connected to God. I think of him as my second husband (weird, I know, but it works for me). God knows me so well, and loves all of me. I'm never to much for Him. I feel how proud he is of me, of us.

Most people don't know, but might suspect, that something's not quite right with one of my children. He has high functioning autism, and it comes out in hundreds of little, subtle, devastating ways. I worry for his future.

No one knows that my husband was abused and neglected as a child. It's a pain that never really goes away. It doesn't happen often, but sometimes a trigger will send the other half of my heart and soul into a deep cave of pain and shame. I can't follow him there. I wish I could. In the beginning of my marriage, I would get angry at my husband for not letting me in. As it turns out, the keys to that place are hunger, cold, terror, humiliation. My husband, a man of deep integrity and kindness, won't use those keys on me, no matter how deep into the cave he's gone. Hurt people don't always hurt people. So I need to wait outside, holding the door of the cave open until he's ready to come out. He knows I'm there, I never leave the doorway, and that's enough. It's hard work, but work I'm proud of.

No one knows that I have a strained, superficial relationship with my mom that causes me a lot of pain.

Just want to say thank you.
I am “your husband” in our relationship and I am beyond blessed to have a spouse who has the “door open”
When things hit me hard. I too suffered from a difficult childhood and the trauma rears its head from time to time.
There is nothing more healing than the consistency and unconditional love you offer and the stability you have.
I promise it’s worth it ❤️

amother

Blueberry ↓

Sun, Jul 28 2024, 6:21 am

I'm really curious as to this mindset.
Are you really aware that other people are jealous of you? Are you jealous of people around you?
I just don't really pay attention to it. I have no idea what people are or aren't jealous of. I have no idea what people around me do or don't have. I see some have more physical stuff than others but who says that means bottom line in the bank? It just means they live a higher lifestyle. I've had so many compliments on my kids behavior - does anyone know that one has ASD, 2 have ADHD, one was abused and at home we work around the clock? why do I care whether they know or not? To me, most of this thread seems to be excusing your own good fortune. It's ok to have more. It's ok to be ok. You don't need to think about all the bad so that people aren't jealous. It's ok to focus on the good.
Could someone explain? Do people really spend time thinking about this?

amother

Trillium

Sun, Jul 28 2024, 7:43 am

amother Blueberry wrote:

Same

How does one know that others are jealous of you ?

amother

Sage

Sun, Jul 28 2024, 8:08 am

I agree with those above. I think this thread was created to make you feel better with your own lot by saying to yourself well even if it looks good they probably have struggles too.
That’s not what life’s about Hashem gave you your own life with whatever blessings and struggles that he gave you, stop comparing yourself to others and focus on the good that you have every single person has something good. Its about finding it and thanking Hashem because He knows what is best for each of us.
I find this thread in poor taste a very immature way of accomplishing that goal

amother

Moccasin ↓

Sun, Jul 28 2024, 10:47 am

I see this as a way to focus on having respect and compassion for all people, even if it looks like they have everything. Not to make myself feel better because everyone else has so many problems.
It's often the hidden struggles that are much more difficult that the ones that are known. From my own life, the serious medical issues in the family (which were known to others) affected me way less than the mental health issues in the family (which weren't known).

This is off-topic, but I have so much to say about how keeping things a secret unnecessarily can make things so much worse.

amother

↑ Blueberry

Sun, Jul 28 2024, 2:19 pm

amother Moccasin wrote:

But that's true even if they don't have hidden struggles. Focus on having respect for all people. Period. Why get busy about their hidden struggles?

kenz ↓

Sun, Jul 28 2024, 3:53 pm

amother Cobalt wrote:

I appreciate the aspect of this thread that we never know what someone is really going through and that helps us not be jealous and also judge others favorably. Rabbi Joey Haber actually gave an amazing speech on this recently.
Something is bothering me about this thread and I will try to explain my thoughts.

Something feels off about an individual viewing their own lives as divided between good and bad things. Good and bad is not necessarily clear cut, it is how you experience those life events or situations. In my own life so much good has come from my challenges that I feel like the lines can blur between good and bad and such black and white thinking doesn’t feel healthy.

The other thing that is bothering me is it feels petty to only not be jealous, because someone else’s good comes along with bad. What if someone truly only experiences good in their life, then I can be jealous??

Not here to bash or discredit anyones pain, my heart goes out to what so many of you are going through. Just trying to work through this concept.

Does anyone understand/ agree with what I’m saying?

Also as frum Jews we are supposed to believe that everything is for the good. We each have struggles and hardships along with blessings, but even if we can’t fathom the reasons, Hashem knows what He’s doing and ultimately it is all for our own good. Trust me, I have a large share of challenges, but I work very hard to accept them all as Hashem’s Will. This type of thread can end up feeling like a huge pity party and seems to leave that out of the equation.

amother

↑ Moccasin

Sun, Jul 28 2024, 4:00 pm

amother Blueberry wrote:

But that's true even if they don't have hidden struggles. Focus on having respect for all people. Period. Why get busy about their hidden struggles?

The same reason that people tell "dlkz stories." we don't need a story in order to be dlkz, but having heard such stories makes it easier to internalize that we don;t knw the other side
same for hashgacha pratis stories. we don't want the train to crash just because we missed it, but having heard the story of a time that something seemingly bad was actually good helps us keep the perspective that it's always good even when we don't see it.
at least it helps me.

ETA: in this forum, it's just "stories" because we dont actually know each other. when it's actual people in my life, I don't ask or need to know their private life.

amother

Charcoal

Sun, Jul 28 2024, 9:09 pm

Incredible and caring husband
But he is super overweight so I think that helps diffuse the jealousy. He is tall so it doesn't look awful. But it is hard when pregnant to be intimate, even though he is great in bed it's just hard cuz the weight is literally crushing.
My job, but they don't know I have crazy anxiety and push off deadlines all day and am just eating for my boss to finally lay me off because he thinks the job is now superfluous and he is probably right
I don't think anyone would trade to have lost a parent at a really young age, to go through terrible parenting with the other parent and just a crazy horrible childhood