What do you have that people are jealous of?

amother

Maroon

Sat, Jul 27 2024, 3:17 pm

This topic reminds me of what someone said to my mother. I have many siblings who have gone on to different paths than her, a sp child Besides for other hardships that are more private.
This women stopped my mom and said. 'im so jealous of you. Your hardships are on the outside you can get support and everyone knows you understand them with challenges. I have the most perfect life on the outside, a big house, lots of money. DH and I are well respected and looked up at in the community etc etc (my mom said she described herself exactly how everyone thought they are) she carried on saying we are going through so much hard ship and know one knows no one would believe how much pain we have and there is no support for it. We just have to pretend everything is great.
My mom told me she used to be jealous of her perfect life and now is so happy for her own life.
It was a very powerful lesson I keep with me.

tree of life

Sat, Jul 27 2024, 5:43 pm

amother Mayflower wrote:

When I first read this thread I could not think of ONE thing that anyone would envy about me …

I’m a single mom waiting for a gett, trying to pay off thousands in credit card debt that was left in my name from my marriage, only receiving a fraction of the child support I am supposed to get , I don’t have a car, I live in a basement apartment, my ADHD is crippling me so I’m always always drowning in housework I can’t keep up with and feel so much shame about it I rarely muster the courage to invite company, I’m overweight and overwhelmed, have terrible skin and no fashion sense…

There is a lot of bad about my life that people see… but as I was writing this I realized there’s a lot of good within the bad that I’m grateful for …

I’m a single mom -but I’m the luckiest mom - because my children are incredibly adorable and smart BH

I’m waiting for a gett - but I’m SO happy to not be living with my ex anymore . So happy to be out of such a horrible marriage

I’m trying to pay off debt and don’t have a car - but my family and friends are incredibly supportive emotionally, physically and even financially from time to time . I know so many divorced women who don’t have a relationship with their family of origin and I’m blessed to be very close to mine

I’m receiving only a fraction of child support but many women don’t get any child support at all

I live in a basement apartment but it’s a beautiful bright apartment and the price is right and I have the most amazing neighbors that Invite me for meals and extend their hearts to me regularly

My ADHD is crippling but my neurodivergent brain has its strengths too that I’m grateful for

I don’t have a great body or the prettiest clothes but I people are drawn to my personality and sense of humor and I’m quite lovable ☺️

I also have gone through so much hardship in my life but I have grown SO much as a person- so grateful for that

Sometimes just looking a little deeper inside ourselves and our own lives Can give us the much needed perspective

GETToutUK
Please check this organisation hatzlacha

amother

Gardenia ↓

Sat, Jul 27 2024, 10:42 pm

I think in general people think I have it all. I’m skinny and pretty . Bh have 3 beautiful, smart children. Dh owns a very successful business and people think we are multi millionaires. Dh seems like the nicest, most helpful guy in the world . We own a city home and a country home . We don’t lack for anything . We have beautiful clothing and toys and make beautiful simchas and go on vacations.

What they don’t know is that dh was emotionally abusive and still is sometimes . We were separated and have horrible shalom bayis. One of our children has a devestating medical condition . We don’t have nearly as much money as people think we do. We’ve been through secondary infertility. Dh comes from a crazy abusive dysfunctional home . I suffer terribly from anxiety. But nobody knows any of this .

To the outside world , everything is perfect .

amother

DarkOrange

Sat, Jul 27 2024, 10:50 pm

I didn't read through all the replies so maybe someone mentioned this already

People are jealous of my rich father in law. They think that he gives us money freely whenever we need it. They don't realize that the money comes with many many strings attached. When we make a simcha and he helps out generously, it needs to run his way or else. When he helped us out with buying our house, he has free reign to decide how and when repairs are done. And if we do something on our own he gets mighty offended. It gets tricky and there are many many times I wish we could do things on our own. The best part is that every single conversation I have with some people automatically will get thrown in yeh because of your father in law.

amother

Clematis

Sat, Jul 27 2024, 11:30 pm

I hope no one is jealous because Hashem gave me exactly what I need.
But he gave me health, life, beautiful healthy children (albeit really really tough neurodiverse children), he gave me a house, just gave me a new car, he sometimes gives me enough to pay the bills, He gave me food in my pantries and fridge, He gave me a DH. He gave me a comfortable bed, and all my family members comfortable beds. He gave us shoes and clothing and friends and neighbors and shuls and so much more.

amother

↑ Gardenia

Sun, Jul 28 2024, 12:45 am

amother IndianRed wrote:

Amazing husband, adorable kids, comfortable financially. I'm also pretty and skinny with a fun personality.

I can't think of anything bad in my life other than regular day to day stresses.

Sorry if this doesn't fit the narrative that if ppl look like they have everything going for them they must have some horrible secret bad thing too.

I’m not sorry . I’m happy for you . Bh you are so blessed, I hope you thank Hashem for it everyday .

tweety1

Sun, Jul 28 2024, 12:48 am

amother DarkOrange wrote:

This describes me. Dh and I both get these comments so often. My father is loaded with money. We don't get a dime. We own our house. More times than I can count we get comments ' oh of course because it's being paid not by you'. Oh how I wish. We have a huge mortgage that dh works utterly hard for to pay off. Even if we tell other people the truth to shut them up; the hardest part is that people don't even believe us! They think we tell them that to appear cute. People officially assume that my father supports us. I promise you. I haven't seen a dime of his! My kids if they're lucky, if they're lucky they get $5 on purim. I know he's loaded because dh used to work for him for short while (and btw, making less than minimum wage) and saw his bank accounts and transactions.
So that's what people are very jealous of me. I wish I can stand on a rooftop and tell the world with the loudest loudspeaker the truth.

Just Me :)

Sun, Jul 28 2024, 1:12 am

amother Vermilion wrote:

We go to Europe once a year just DH and me, seems great and romantic to all but no one would know what it's like living with a bisexual husband..

Do you mind if I ask how this is different than a heterosexual husband? I am not asking to cv's belittle, I am just trying to understand. In my head I don't view other women as a risk to my husband's fidelity, but are you saying that he feels that he needs to get his 'fix' with men in addition to his marriage with you?

amother

Mustard

Sun, Jul 28 2024, 1:30 am

amother Lightyellow wrote:

I am really and truly living a life full of joy and blessing.

We have fulfilling, flexible, well paying jobs, a sweet little house, beautiful, smart, precious children. We can afford everything we need, and many things we want. We laugh a lot, enjoy each other's company a lot. I think people can see that we're confident in who we are, deeply content. My husband and I love each other so much. I feel so safe with him, so protected and respected and seen. I feel deeply connected to God. I think of him as my second husband (weird, I know, but it works for me). God knows me so well, and loves all of me. I'm never to much for Him. I feel how proud he is of me, of us.

Most people don't know, but might suspect, that something's not quite right with one of my children. He has high functioning autism, and it comes out in hundreds of little, subtle, devastating ways. I worry for his future.

No one knows that my husband was abused and neglected as a child. It's a pain that never really goes away. It doesn't happen often, but sometimes a trigger will send the other half of my heart and soul into a deep cave of pain and shame. I can't follow him there. I wish I could. In the beginning of my marriage, I would get angry at my husband for not letting me in. As it turns out, the keys to that place are hunger, cold, terror, humiliation. My husband, a man of deep integrity and kindness, won't use those keys on me, no matter how deep into the cave he's gone. Hurt people don't always hurt people. So I need to wait outside, holding the door of the cave open until he's ready to come out. He knows I'm there, I never leave the doorway, and that's enough. It's hard work, but work I'm proud of.

No one knows that I have a strained, superficial relationship with my mom that causes me a lot of pain.

Dh had similar childhood. You are lucky your dh doesn't hurt you during those times. He can start criticizing my and belittling when he is hurt- finding me as the first person to blame for things (which I bring up with his therapist).

BH I am super easygoing and positive (I get compliments on it all the time). Blessed with adorable little kids also pretty easygoing BH.

But dh has childhood trauma. He had really bad lyme which still comes out at times. He can get bouts of depression. Not an ounce of savings to buy a house. His schooling for career he wants to do seems to be taking forever (thanks to lyme).
I also struggle to keep my house under control.

amother

Dill

Sun, Jul 28 2024, 2:29 am

I don't know if people are jealous

Besides for being gifted among other blessings with life and health and a marriage and jobs [which I'm not minimizing but not elaborating cuz not the point of this thread] I have children bh - both boys and girls - I think they are average - but definitely not challenged b'h

I also have
debt
zero savings
no assets and no house
narcissist father
a mother who is codependent but also somewhat narcissist

I am overweight and have a very hard time liking my body especially as dh knows the difference.........
I am very self-critical probably due to the way I was raised
I am missing two top teeth which probably happenned cuz of my bad eating habits which I have because sugar is the cheapest way to numb your feelings - of my biggest regrets in my life adding to my body issues

My husband is handsome humorous handy and very very kind at least to the world and to me 95% of the time He grew up in a home that is difficult to explain but think a mix of verbal physical abuse and extreme neglect

At home
he is a recovering s@x addict
he is on meds for adhd
he is supposed to be on meds for depression
he is a professional procrastinator a terrible planner
he is extremely low energy low ambition
he has learning difficulties

so his heart is in the right place but that doesn't pay our bills

I don't have any family nearby and shabbos Yom Tov is incredibly lonely
I don't have good friends nearby either

Kiwi13

Sun, Jul 28 2024, 2:56 am

amother Lightyellow wrote:

What a beautiful post. You sound like the kindest, most empathetic wife! Your description moved me to tears. I daven for healing and wholeness for both of you.

amother

Snow

Sun, Jul 28 2024, 3:43 am

I know that people are jealous that we live in Israel. It’s not a common thing where I’m from, (very chassidish) but to others it sounds like a dream.

But it’s hard. The things that are hard for me are things my family can’t even fathom. I’m here almost a decade and day to day life is still not easy, and people think we are living in a dream bubble.

I’m not complaining about living in Israel, we love love love it and would choose it again every day. But when our family says (condescendingly) that we are on vacation all the time because we live in Israel, all I want to say is , try it. You wouldn’t survive a day.

amother

Linen

Sun, Jul 28 2024, 4:52 am

I think we’re pretty open with our struggles—we don’t make enough money, I had a pretty rough childhood. I have anxiety and other mental health issues.
I carry guilt because when it comes to the most important things BH I have them—amazing Sholom bayis and incredible kids. I often feel like how dare I want more. I am also close with my siblings and cousins. I’ve worked super hard to decenter my looks and weight (I’m pretty and overweight).
Idk who or if anyone is jealous but I’m constantly making calculations about how much I have, how much I’m allowed to want, etc.