What do you have that people are jealous of?

amother

Lightyellow

Fri, Jul 26 2024, 6:10 pm

I am really and truly living a life full of joy and blessing.

We have fulfilling, flexible, well paying jobs, a sweet little house, beautiful, smart, precious children. We can afford everything we need, and many things we want. We laugh a lot, enjoy each other's company a lot. I think people can see that we're confident in who we are, deeply content. My husband and I love each other so much. I feel so safe with him, so protected and respected and seen. I feel deeply connected to God. I think of him as my second husband (weird, I know, but it works for me). God knows me so well, and loves all of me. I'm never to much for Him. I feel how proud he is of me, of us.

Most people don't know, but might suspect, that something's not quite right with one of my children. He has high functioning autism, and it comes out in hundreds of little, subtle, devastating ways. I worry for his future.

No one knows that my husband was abused and neglected as a child. It's a pain that never really goes away. It doesn't happen often, but sometimes a trigger will send the other half of my heart and soul into a deep cave of pain and shame. I can't follow him there. I wish I could. In the beginning of my marriage, I would get angry at my husband for not letting me in. As it turns out, the keys to that place are hunger, cold, terror, humiliation. My husband, a man of deep integrity and kindness, won't use those keys on me, no matter how deep into the cave he's gone. Hurt people don't always hurt people. So I need to wait outside, holding the door of the cave open until he's ready to come out. He knows I'm there, I never leave the doorway, and that's enough. It's hard work, but work I'm proud of.

No one knows that I have a strained, superficial relationship with my mom that causes me a lot of pain.

amother

Cobalt ↓

Fri, Jul 26 2024, 6:29 pm

I appreciate the aspect of this thread that we never know what someone is really going through and that helps us not be jealous and also judge others favorably. Rabbi Joey Haber actually gave an amazing speech on this recently.
Something is bothering me about this thread and I will try to explain my thoughts.

Something feels off about an individual viewing their own lives as divided between good and bad things. Good and bad is not necessarily clear cut, it is how you experience those life events or situations. In my own life so much good has come from my challenges that I feel like the lines can blur between good and bad and such black and white thinking doesn’t feel healthy.

The other thing that is bothering me is it feels petty to only not be jealous, because someone else’s good comes along with bad. What if someone truly only experiences good in their life, then I can be jealous??

Not here to bash or discredit anyones pain, my heart goes out to what so many of you are going through. Just trying to work through this concept.

Does anyone understand/ agree with what I’m saying?

Sewsew_mom

Fri, Jul 26 2024, 6:41 pm

amother Cobalt wrote:

You used the word experience.
Which is really a perception.
If someone experiences their lives as being truly good-that's an attitude. That doesn't define a struggle.
I can have a struggle and thank hashem for it. And it still can be categorized as a struggle that isn't necessarily seen on the outside.
Everyone has struggles. How else does one work on themselves. Very few people change just for fun. We are happy with who we are until we face a struggle which is there for us to change.
And jealous is categorized as a bad middah. One that leads to pain and lack of joy.
So no. Noone should aim for jealousy. Ever. And also we all have problems. Thank hashem for them.

amother

↑ Tealblue

Fri, Jul 26 2024, 7:05 pm

amother Mayflower wrote:

When I first read this thread I could not think of ONE thing that anyone would envy about me …

I’m a single mom waiting for a gett, trying to pay off thousands in credit card debt that was left in my name from my marriage, only receiving a fraction of the child support I am supposed to get , I don’t have a car, I live in a basement apartment, my ADHD is crippling me so I’m always always drowning in housework I can’t keep up with and feel so much shame about it I rarely muster the courage to invite company, I’m overweight and overwhelmed, have terrible skin and no fashion sense…

There is a lot of bad about my life that people see… but as I was writing this I realized there’s a lot of good within the bad that I’m grateful for …

I’m a single mom -but I’m the luckiest mom - because my children are incredibly adorable and smart BH

I’m waiting for a gett - but I’m SO happy to not be living with my ex anymore . So happy to be out of such a horrible marriage

I’m trying to pay off debt and don’t have a car - but my family and friends are incredibly supportive emotionally, physically and even financially from time to time . I know so many divorced women who don’t have a relationship with their family of origin and I’m blessed to be very close to mine

I’m receiving only a fraction of child support but many women don’t get any child support at all

I live in a basement apartment but it’s a beautiful bright apartment and the price is right and I have the most amazing neighbors that Invite me for meals and extend their hearts to me regularly

My ADHD is crippling but my neurodivergent brain has its strengths too that I’m grateful for

I don’t have a great body or the prettiest clothes but I people are drawn to my personality and sense of humor and I’m quite lovable ☺️

I also have gone through so much hardship in my life but I have grown SO much as a person- so grateful for that

Sometimes just looking a little deeper inside ourselves and our own lives Can give us the much needed perspective

You are a very special woman. Your outlook is amazing

amother

Lilac

Fri, Jul 26 2024, 7:14 pm

amother Mayflower wrote:

I absolutely love your attitude!! You’re amazing

amother

↑ Cobalt

Fri, Jul 26 2024, 7:22 pm

Sewsew_mom wrote:

Thank you for clarifying this. The thread was presented as have and don’t have. Very black and white. Yes everyone has struggles it’s I how you experience life and view your life if you feel lucky or unfortunate.

Personally I’ve had many years of consecutive losses including late losses and a stillborn. This is definitely a big struggle but woven through the struggle are gifts I never would have gotten without that very struggle. That’s the “how we experience it” part.
I think people see me and feel bad for me about this part of my life but I feel so blessed I’m so many ways…. I have an inborn happy disposition, wonderful parents and siblings, great children (born before my losses) and have see tremendous growth in my marriage and relationship with Hashem and even with myself!

amother

Lightblue

Fri, Jul 26 2024, 7:23 pm

amother Mayflower wrote:

Easy to see why people are drawn to your personality! You're so upbeat and cheerful despite the challenges you've been given.
Lucky children to have such an incredible role model. I'm going into shabbos inspired by you. Hashem should give you continued כח to overcome difficulties and may your amazing children continue to give you well deserved nachas!

amother

Whitesmoke

Sat, Jul 27 2024, 1:12 pm

I really have a truly blessed life and am so grateful to Hashem for my gifts. I think people might be jealous of me. I try my best not to rub my blessings in others faces.

What people might not know is that I had an awful childhood. What makes it worse is that on the outside it looks like it was normal. My father was emotionally abusive my mother emotionally unavailable. I felt alone and unloved and it unfortunately has left Ot’s scars. I suffer from anxiety and depression and have been through a lot of therapy. It’s been a long and complex journey.
Navigating my adult relationship with my parents also comes with its fair share of challenges, also because on the outside it looks normal. This facade is also hard to maintain and I’ve tried to be more transparent with people about my relationships.

A lot of the time I feel guilty for being depressed because on the outside it looks like I’ve got it all. It’s not for other people, but for myself, to know that even though I have so much it’s still ok to feel my feelings.

Hashem obviously has His reasons for the challenges I have, but I am so so grateful for all the brocha He has poured down on me and I try my best to share and give of what I have.

amother

Yolk

Sat, Jul 27 2024, 3:07 pm

I don't think it's a jealous of me level, but people comment quite often about how my kids are huge mentches- personable, friendly, intelligent, respectful.
Yeah and not married.
I have one married BH
I highly doubt, based on the personalities of the others that they will be following suit.
Other people think they just haven't found their bashert- I know there are much deeper issues that years of paying for therapy haven't seem to resolve.
You truly never ever know