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Forum
-> Household Management
-> Finances
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amother
Hyssop
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 Fri, Jul 26 2024, 3:06 pm
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Shalom bayis. We have great chemistry and are marriage doesn’t require a lot of work. I deal with anxiety and my husband deals with depression. We both have sever episodes that come and go, and basically no one knows
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amother
Maize
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Fri, Jul 26 2024, 3:11 pm
Amazing, adorable kids, my husband and I both have prestigious positions in the community, we have a house which is rare for our age bracket in our community.
But no one knows that my husband and I have awful sholom bayis and I wish I could leave but then my entire life would crumble and I would have no parnassa or community left.
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amother
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Fri, Jul 26 2024, 3:12 pm
| amother Natural wrote: | | Money. I also happen to have end stage cancer. No one is willing to trade so far. |
I also have advanced cancer.
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amother
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Fri, Jul 26 2024, 3:25 pm
| amother Mayflower wrote: | When I first read this thread I could not think of ONE thing that anyone would envy about me …
I’m a single mom waiting for a gett, trying to pay off thousands in credit card debt that was left in my name from my marriage, only receiving a fraction of the child support I am supposed to get , I don’t have a car, I live in a basement apartment, my ADHD is crippling me so I’m always always drowning in housework I can’t keep up with and feel so much shame about it I rarely muster the courage to invite company, I’m overweight and overwhelmed, have terrible skin and no fashion sense…
There is a lot of bad about my life that people see… but as I was writing this I realized there’s a lot of good within the bad that I’m grateful for …
I’m a single mom -but I’m the luckiest mom - because my children are incredibly adorable and smart BH
I’m waiting for a gett - but I’m SO happy to not be living with my ex anymore . So happy to be out of such a horrible marriage
I’m trying to pay off debt and don’t have a car - but my family and friends are incredibly supportive emotionally, physically and even financially from time to time . I know so many divorced women who don’t have a relationship with their family of origin and I’m blessed to be very close to mine
I’m receiving only a fraction of child support but many women don’t get any child support at all
I live in a basement apartment but it’s a beautiful bright apartment and the price is right and I have the most amazing neighbors that Invite me for meals and extend their hearts to me regularly
My ADHD is crippling but my neurodivergent brain has its strengths too that I’m grateful for
I don’t have a great body or the prettiest clothes but I people are drawn to my personality and sense of humor and I’m quite lovable ☺️
I also have gone through so much hardship in my life but I have grown SO much as a person- so grateful for that
Sometimes just looking a little deeper inside ourselves and our own lives Can give us the much needed perspective |
This is unbelievable!!!! You are amazing!
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amother
Silver
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Fri, Jul 26 2024, 3:30 pm
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Most of my kids are super students. The smartest in the class. Pretty. But my husband is addicted to his phone and other things as well. On the outside it looks like we have great sb. And I am recovering from cancer that nobody knows about. You just never know!
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amother
Plum
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Fri, Jul 26 2024, 3:58 pm
I live in truly blessed life. Within the blessings there is still struggle. So long as we will be In gauls, Pain and jealousy and hardship will fill even the brightest Of days. Some of you are writing about terribly painful situations. My life does not have great extremes. And yet, I have Moments of deep, emotional pain
people are jealous of my husband’s availability and willingness to help me.
They don’t know how frustrated I get that he is available to help because he Isn’t ambitious So he isn’t working more and is home too much. They don’t know I experience deep shame for not being able to manage on my own without his help.
People admire my large family and my amazing kids. people admire my clean and meet House. They don’t know The heavy price my kids are paying. There is so much screaming and tension about mess and cleanup.
people are jealous that I am a SAHM And only work a few hours a week. They don’t know how much shame I have that I am not capable of managing more work outside of the home. They don’t know how much pain I I feel that I don’t have a successful career.
people look at me, a mother of a very large family, who is small in size. I am thinner than Almost all of my friends. I don’t have to work hard to be this Size. They don’t know that I have a body image.. They don’t know that I have terrible guilt about Food.
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amother
Scarlet
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Fri, Jul 26 2024, 4:02 pm
Married, large family, good job.
But DH refuses to make decisions and naysays the decisions I choose, doesn't have a well paying job, and doesn't pitch in at home. I feel so stuck and so lonely.
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amother
Springgreen
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Fri, Jul 26 2024, 4:49 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | It’s so crazy how we never know. |
This!!!
And most of us will never know
Unless your my therapist, doctor etc etc
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amother
Lightgreen
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Fri, Jul 26 2024, 5:22 pm
I'm not married so so long and I have my age friends still struggling with IF that are jealous of how easily I got pregnant again and again.
They don't know that I almost spent last shabbos in a mental hospital because I just can't manage this much.
On the flip side, I get a lot of pity from mothers who are past the stage of only littles
And I'm jealous of people who got to establish themselves as a couple and actually go on dates and vacations before pregnancy hormones kicked in so soon after getting married
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amother
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Fri, Jul 26 2024, 5:27 pm
| amother Ivory wrote: | No idea what anyone could be jealous about. My positive attitude perhaps?
Or is anyone jealous that I'm divorced? | you never know..
When my friend was being treated for mental health issues I was jealous she had family to help her heal whilst I go it totally alone
I'm sure she doesn't dream someone is jealous of her
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amother
Burgundy
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Fri, Jul 26 2024, 5:29 pm
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Amazing children, Great husband. What we struggle is with money and I don't have friends, which I wish I had and it's not a one way street when I try.
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amother
Phlox
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Fri, Jul 26 2024, 5:36 pm
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Ppl are jealous of our wealth,second home,etc. Not everyone knows about our mentally ill,otd child who has done terrible things to us and siblings . The illness is progressive and they refuse to get help so we can’t have a relationship
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amother
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Fri, Jul 26 2024, 5:37 pm
| amother Smokey wrote: | | Honestly no one is jealous of me. My life looks bad on the inside and out lol | me too!! Same
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amother
Tangerine
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Fri, Jul 26 2024, 5:40 pm
I have a nice house, handsome husband and we are comfortable financially
What they don’t know is that he’s a s** addict that despite thousands of dollars in rehab and therapies can’t get sober. He had so much childhood trauma that I’m at a point where I don’t think things will ever change
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amother
Cadetblue
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Fri, Jul 26 2024, 5:47 pm
You never ever know what's going on.
There's so much more than meets the eye.
One of my worst things is a neglectful childhood as I'm missing the basics on how to have a healthy relationship with anyone in the world. Husband, kids, friends, colleagues etc.
I have so many situatons that no one knows the real story about.
I have an amazing life because I choose to have one, if I would break it down here it would look anything but amazing, marriage, children, medical, emotional, mental, financial issues galore.
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amother
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Fri, Jul 26 2024, 5:47 pm
| amother Plum wrote: | I live in truly blessed life. Within the blessings there is still struggle. So long as we will be In gauls, Pain and jealousy and hardship will fill even the brightest Of days. Some of you are writing about terribly painful situations. My life does not have great extremes. And yet, I have Moments of deep, emotional pain
people are jealous of my husband’s availability and willingness to help me.
They don’t know how frustrated I get that he is available to help because he Isn’t ambitious So he isn’t working more and is home too much. They don’t know I experience deep shame for not being able to manage on my own without his help.
People admire my large family and my amazing kids. people admire my clean and meet House. They don’t know The heavy price my kids are paying. There is so much screaming and tension about mess and cleanup.
people are jealous that I am a SAHM And only work a few hours a week. They don’t know how much shame I have that I am not capable of managing more work outside of the home. They don’t know how much pain I I feel that I don’t have a successful career.
people look at me, a mother of a very large family, who is small in size. I am thinner than Almost all of my friends. I don’t have to work hard to be this Size. They don’t know that I have a body image.. They don’t know that I have terrible guilt about Food. | your very large family of amazing kids is your career!!
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amother
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Fri, Jul 26 2024, 5:50 pm
I feel pretty open with my challenges in my life. I have no idea if anyone is jealous. Nor do I care. But,
I have a beautiful house, beautiful healthy smart children. My husband and I look like we get along great! I have a very positive fun personality and can handle alot.
What people may or may not know is that my husband struggled with addiction and lost all our money. We're living on credit cards and in major debt. Have trust issues in our marriage now, and our kids all suffered from the effects of living with an addict. It took a toll on my body and now I struggle with infertility because of the stress. I have very different dreams and aspirations than my husband at this point in our marriage, and we've been to thousands of dollars of therapy.
If you met me on the street you would never know I'm longing for another baby, and my husband isnt really working his recovery. I don't fully trust him. And I never know what I can potentially find out tomorrow.
But I'm so grateful for my life and that hashem is with me every step of the way.
Ive grown a tremendous amount and I pray I can be there to help so many others.
But.. Noone would ever know.
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amother
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Fri, Jul 26 2024, 5:51 pm
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I saw several posters wrote about their amazing kids and that shalom bayis is rlly bad,lots of yelling etc. im just wondering how the 2 go together? Aren't children affected and act out when under such situations?
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amother
Calendula
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Fri, Jul 26 2024, 5:51 pm
| amother Springgreen wrote: | This!!!
And most of us will never know
Unless your my therapist, doctor etc etc |
I feel like this whole 'you never know' thing, is a way of looking down at people who don't look like they have it great on the outside.
Like a 'yeah my life looks great on the outside, but I have it sooo hard' type of snub.
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amother
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Fri, Jul 26 2024, 5:54 pm
| amother Tealblue wrote: | | I saw several posters wrote about their amazing kids and that shalom bayis is rlly bad,lots of yelling etc. im just wondering how the 2 go together? Aren't children affected and act out when under such situations? |
Sometimes children will implode VS explode. Things can come out later on in life. And sometimes there are blessings in a home, and children learn healthy attachment and healthy coping skills. Hashem is big.
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