DD begging to go to sleep away next summer help!!

chanatron1000

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 3:38 pm

Having new experiences can be great for a kid who doesn't know where she is yet. It might be harder than she expects, and she might make some wrong choices, but that's okay. If it's a real disaster, you can bring her home from camp early.

However, if her older sister goes to a camp that starts at an older age, it makes perfect sense to tell her "you can go to camp when you're old enough to attend the camp your sister goes to." And depending on what you allow at home, there might be plenty of other options for her not to be bored.

Glitterveil

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 4:28 pm

Hi,
I went to sleepaway camp for the first time at that age and I found it to be a good experience. I have also worked in sleepaway and day camps for a few years as an adult and in my experience it is a very good place for young girls to mature and learn more about themselves and how to act with a sense of independence. In terms of friends, she will learn eventually - whether through observation or experience - what a true friend is and will be, but if that is too much of a major concern for you I would highly suggest considering a smaller, more niche camp. I worked at a very small, outdoorsy camp (some girls called it a survival camp but that was a bit dramatic haha) and not only did it attract really kind, sensitive, and down to earth girls, but because of the high staff to camper ratio each girl had the attention of their counselors/activity heads/directors whenever they needed it.

amother

↑ Rainbow ↓

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 10:15 pm

Why are you concerned that she will get an eating disorder?

amother

Periwinkle

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 10:24 pm

OP,
Can you please tell us the name of the camp that is known for great OOT girls and great middos?

amother

Taupe

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 11:54 pm

I work in an overnight camp for that age and here's my take on it:

First of all, it's a wonderful age to start camp because the kids this age really DON'T choose friends based on having the right clothing or accessories (that starts a year or two later and becomes a real pressure, but, kids who already have camp friends often maintain the friendships as they get older, even if they don't have all the right material trappings). I often marvel at the kid in the right sneakers and brand name accessory water bottle "pal"ing around with another kid who's mother clearly wasn't as "in the know" and neither kid cares!

Secondly, talents are what makes for popular kids in camp, but they may not be the talents that you're thinking of. Yes, the kid with the beautiful voice or cool back flip may be chosen for a special role in Color War, but the kid who can throw and catch a ball well, can jump rope and never get out, can pass the deep water test, or can draw really cute cartoons is going to be a really sought out kid in the bunk.

Here are the characteristics that you want to make sure your child has before sending her:

1. Some measure of flexible thinking and positivity. Nobody likes a kid who kvetches all the time... camp can be unpredictable, plans change, you may not win every contest... she needs to be able to smile, make a joke, and MOVE ON... if this is a quality that your daughter doesn't yet have, please practice it with her
2. Some awareness of time and time management... the whole bunk needs to get to the pool or activities on time... if your child is still changing into her bathing suit (or hasn't started changing yet), the whole bunk will be upset with her... Again, this can be practiced at home with timers and charts and expectations...
3. An ability to be a team player... it doesn't matter that she doesn't feel like making her bed today and doesn't care what score the bunk gets in Clean-Up... she has to do it anyway, for the sake of her bunk... same with cheering at meals, or participating in a bunk presentation
4. An ability to tolerate slight discomfort and to look beyond that at the bigger, happier picture... she may not always like the food, her bunkbed mattress may be too thin, she may sometimes be hot (or cold), she might miss home at times... that's ok and normal and can also be practiced at home (you can create a family mantra to chant at uncomfortable times).
If you truly are open to having her go next year, look at these factors, determine which ones you're going to practice with her and explain to her what you'll be expecting by the time that Camp Applications for next year open.

Hatzlocha!

amother

Dimgray

Thu, Jul 25 2024, 12:14 am

You have a whole year to prepare.

amother

Navyblue

Thu, Jul 25 2024, 12:58 am

amother OP wrote:

Bump

Why are you worrying about it now?
There's another whole year until camp.

5th grade does seem very young to me.
But you can reeval what her friends are doing when it's time to apply.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Jul 25 2024, 1:47 am

Usually applications are around succos time or right after so it’s not that far off to consider. My ideal is to wait another year (so she can go to camp w her sister), but I don’t want her to complain and be resentful next summer.

amother

DarkRed

Thu, Jul 25 2024, 2:40 am

Hi, I'm also from OOT so I can relate a little to your post.
I'm sure you know your daughter best but here are my 2 cents since you're asking Smile

1. I'm assuming you know this but just to separate it from the other parts of your question. There is nothing inherently wrong with

Quote:

She’s drawn to fancy kids with fancy stuff

It is NOT an indication of low-self-esteem it's just a type.
I'm assuming you're saying low self esteem is coming from other places.
But also, wanting the in things is not a sign of low self esteem either it's usually more of a social acuity and awareness.
Just wanted to make sure you know that!

2. I think it makes a lot of sense to push her off a year IF she's going to go the same camp as her sister.
But I encourage you to think about what is best for your child and not what is best for you or your status. Are you sure she wants the same camp. Why don't you brainstorm with her or ask your sisters/friends what camps she may want. Settle on what camp to go to before automatically pushing her off.

Hatzlacha!

amother

↑ OP

Fri, Jul 26 2024, 6:28 pm

Thanks everyone for weighing in! If left up to her she may pick a camp that I don’t feel aligns with our family’s values. I don’t think 10 year olds should decide that. Yes she is a spunky girl but even fun kids can find there place in the camp her older sister is going to. Camp can leave such an impact on a girl, it’s an important decision.
Also is there value to going to a sleep away for just one summer if you’re not going back to that one?

amother

↑ Rainbow

Fri, Jul 26 2024, 8:00 pm

I think of it as a rite of passage. If she is begging then she is ready to go to a camp you pick out as the right hashkafah and crowd. If you find multiple that you like sure, let her have a say. But she is young to pick where.

Of course there is value in one summer. She will exercise independence. Increase responsibility. Make friends who might even join her the following year at the other camp.