My son needs endless hugs

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amother

OP ↓

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 8:24 pm

He’s 9 and biggg.
Yes he’s sensory
He’s had lots of ot and graduated bh.
Bh he manages very well but he is constantly and I mean constantly asking for hugs. I am really trying . I never want to deny him hugs. But it’s a lot. He likes the very tight ones. He asks all the time and I feel bad that I’m losing it. Like I just want to not be on call for hugs all the time lol. Any good ideas to give him this kind of input. I jokingly told my husband we need to build him a hugging machine like temple grandon built herself but it’s not really a joke! (He’s not asd in case anyone was going to suggest. Although possible somewhere on the adhd spectrum)

chanatron1000

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 8:27 pm

Does he already have a weighted blanket?

crust ↓

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 8:27 pm

Would he appreciate a huge bear- 4 feet tall?

I know it helps some children with this need.

behappy2 ↓

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 8:34 pm

There's a website Fun n function that has lots of sensory stuff.

Also maybe have set times every day you do it. For example before he leaves to school/camp, when he comes home and before bed and all other times he can use his sensory things.

Maybe go back to OT if you're up to it?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 8:35 pm

chanatron1000 wrote:

Does he already have a weighted blanket?

Yes actually but he hasn’t been using much I think because he grew so much and def needs a heavier one! Good idea

mom.00

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 8:37 pm

Would he be ok with wearing a compression shirt to get that input?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 8:43 pm

I actually also think there’s a big emotional component. He can never get enough. He tells me that the hugs aren’t just bec he likes how they feel but also bec he loves me so so much. Yes I know it’s so sweet lol. But it’s also a bit much.

amother

Chestnut ↓

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 8:45 pm

Anxiety or ocd?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 9:01 pm

amother Chestnut wrote:

Anxiety or ocd?

Really doesn’t present that way

amother

Petunia

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 9:07 pm

crust wrote:

Would he appreciate a huge bear- 4 feet tall?

I know it helps some children with this need.

Does the bear have arms that go around. Have a child like this and that's their request

↑ crust ↓

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 9:26 pm

amother Petunia wrote:

Does the bear have arms that go around. Have a child like this and that's their request

They hug the bear and make the bear hug them. Of course its not the real thing but it does the job to some degree.

https://www.walmart.com/ip/Way.....D_BwE

OP I am sure you have but just in case you haven't tried you can do the 2 minute hug/hold.

You hold and hug the child for 2 minutes or however long it takes for this child to feel satisfied. The child has to unhug by himself.

Time it once and see how long it takes for him to feel that he had enough.

Maybe it will be a few minutes in the beginning but you should see that it becomes shorter and shorter.

The longest that I've timed after a while is 20 seconds.

I know that even 20 seconds can seem like a very long time while you're hugging a needy child.
I get you. It isn't easy.

amother

NeonPurple ↓

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 9:30 pm

amother OP wrote:

Get him evaluated so you can get him the help he needs.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 9:36 pm

amother NeonPurple wrote:

Get him evaluated so you can get him the help he needs.

oh trust me we have done much evaluating and services etc. I'm giving it a rest for now after much disillusionment. bh he's doing great and managing beautifully in school socially etc.

amother

Seafoam

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 9:57 pm

I hope you say no sometimes.

You can tell him you need to cook supper right now, or your touched out right now, or whatever. You don't even have to explain. Just 'now isn't a good time"

Its very important that he learns that people have boundaries. Even if hugs are a real need of his, he doesn't get to demand hugs or touch from someone who doesn't feel comfortable giving it. It's a very important life lesson.

He can get a hug later, and he can get other sensory input tools like people are suggesting.

This is good for both of you because you will have more capacity to enjoy the hugs, without resentment...

amother

Forestgreen

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 10:00 pm

Have you tried a weighted vest?

amother

RosePink

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 10:03 pm

I've done something I call cuddle therapy. Once a day, or every other day, you sit and hold him tight. For as long as he wants. You don't let go until he says he's done.

This helps you not feel guilty when you have to tell him no other times. And it gives the kid such a great feeling that you have all the time in the world for him.

Don't be surprised if the kid wants a 30 minute hug, though I've never done more than 10 minutes and generally the time the kid needed would get shorter and shorter except for when they had a particularly difficult day.

amother

Leaf

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 10:12 pm

amother Seafoam wrote:

Yes, I agree this is so important, but also it's so important for OP to give her son the tools to self-regulate at the same time so he knows how to deal later in life. There have been some great ideas on here.

Op, you said he doesn't have asd so I'll take your word for it, but just throwing out there that sometimes people with ASD and extroversion look different to many with asd and also need endless, exhausting feedback from those around them (but usually that's more than just needing physical touch). But I have ADHD with sensory issues and no ASD. A weighted blanket has been awesome. They also have weighted vests that kids can wear throughout the day, which might help provide him with feedback.

amother

Teal

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 10:13 pm

sending some hugs from all of us to the best mom!

giftedmom

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 10:21 pm

Second the weighted vest suggestion

↑ behappy2 ↓

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 10:22 pm

I remembered something I read in a the book playful parenting,. I've done it with my kids and they love it. We can it the stuck game. Basically you wrap your arms or legs around him and he has to try to get out and you try to resist and not let him out. It's a lot of fun and the kid gets the security that Mommy really really doesn't want to leave me go so they feel safe leaving go themselves. You can play this a few times in a row once a day every day and see if there is a shift.

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