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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling

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amother

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 1:03 pm

We are with family for the weekends and we have a private pool. We have hours for the men and women but dh doesn't want to wait he says he is too hot and it's his sister's (married) and nieces so it's ok. I feel that it's unapproriate and it makes me feel uncomfortable I even had to beg him to wear a tshirt. When he is done swimming g he sits around with his swim pants without a tshirt talking with his sisters. I tries telling him that it's not appropriate but he thinks I am crazy. Is this ok? Would you mind if ur married brother is half naked schmoozing with you?

amother

Vermilion

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 1:08 pm

If the sisters don't mind there's nothing that you, the wife, can do.
If the sisters mind, they'll hopefully tell him to get dressed or not to get in the pool with them.

amother

Burntblack

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 1:09 pm

I’m not sure your community, but halacha, (not hashkafah!), mixed swimming above age 6, is not permitted. EVEN with family.
I woul a be extremely uncomfortable if my teen and adult sons and daughters were sitting around in swim wear together.

amother

Oatmeal ↓

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 1:10 pm

I guess it’s family, we go on vacation together my parents, married sisters and brother their kids-

Generally the men wear tshirts on the boat or swimming, my mom, sisters, sil don’t go into the pool at the same time as the men, we go only go with our kids the oldest is 10 years old.

amother

Canary

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 1:12 pm

My single brother has no concept of tznius at all and it drives me crazy.

We hold that men must wear at least a tee shirt and shorts. My husband wears a loose swim shirt and knee length swim trunks. We are much more modern than most on ImaMother so we hold by mixed swimming as long as we're tznua (our posek holds that modern swimming pools and bathhouses are totally different. Not interested in debating the halacha.).

He would never dress any less modestly in front of his married sister than he would around our house in front of kids (which is to say, he'd wear a tee shirt and shorts or pajama pants). I strongly believe that men need to learn about tznius because it applies to men too. They have almost as much erva to cover as women!

amother

Cerulean ↓

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 1:14 pm

There are some that hold that with sisters it's okay. But with nieces, absolutely not. Nieces aren't different than any other women.

mizle10 ↓

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 1:14 pm

Swimming together may be a Halacha problem with nieces. As far as men in bathing suits I don’t have a problem with it. Normal men’s swim wear does not include a shirt.

↑ mizle10

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 1:15 pm

amother Cerulean wrote:

There are some that hold that with sisters it's okay. But with nieces, absolutely not. Nieces aren't different than any other women.

How old are the nieces?
I don’t think mixed swimming is a problem with little kids but I could be wrong.

amother

↑ Cerulean

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 1:16 pm

mizle10 wrote:

How old are the nieces?
I don’t think mixed swimming is a problem with little kids but I could be wrong.

Oh, I'm talking about older kids/adults.

amother

Glitter

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 1:18 pm

Swimming aside, I'd have no problem at all with him shmoozing without a shirt on

amother

Steelblue

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 1:46 pm

My concern wouldn't be what the men/my husband is wearing but rather what the ladies are wearing. Maybe I missed it, but are the ladies dressed or sitting around in bathing suits?!

amother

↑ Oatmeal

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 1:54 pm

amother Steelblue wrote:

My concern wouldn't be what the men/my husband is wearing but rather what the ladies are wearing. Maybe I missed it, but are the ladies dressed or sitting around in bathing suits?!

Tshirt dresses, long coverup dresses or swim shorts depending on your family. We grew up with it being okay

amother

Oleander

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 2:54 pm

Him swimming with his nieces older than 6 is a real issue.

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