Do you really think Hashem wants us to wear lacetops?

amother

↑ Begonia ↓

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 9:18 am

amother Saddlebrown wrote:

I agree with OP.

Lace top wigs defeat the purpose.

A few weeks agp, The Yated Magazine did a pamphlet with letters from many different great Rabbinim, where they wrote clearly that lace tops defeat the purpose of the wig and are therefore not allowed.

BUT- I have a feeling that this thread is not going to end well.....
because not everybody is on the level where they can hold by this ideal standard.

I personally would never wear a lace top, but I do understand that some people are not on the level where they are able to hold by this ideal standard, so I cannot judge them.

The mitzvah is to cover your hair. How does a lace top defeat the purpose when your hair is covered?

amother

Blonde

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 9:23 am

Yes. I think he does

Why does what some communities Rabbonim say become ideal standard for all Yidden?
If that's your rov than 💯 it's ideal standard for you.
There's very tznius and heimishe communities that 💯 hold with lined lace tops it's not an ideal standard for those women, it's not "more Frum".

Raisin ↓

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 9:23 am

The Lubavitcher Rebbe told women to wear beautiful wigs. And even gave women money towards it. Pretty sure the Rebbe has a better idea of what Hashem wants than you.

However, if some women are not comfortable wearing something so natural, bh there are plenty of other options out there.

meiravit ↓

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 9:25 am

sushilover wrote:

I believe that Hashem would prefer if I didn't have a lace top. That's why he put me in my specific situation, with my rav and my minhagim.

At the same time, I believe that He is happy with my sister wearing a lace top. That's why she was given her specific situation and rav .

Conversly, He wants my sister to fast on minor fasts and He is happy with me not fasting. See how that works? I'm not better than her. She's not better than me. We are different, with different lives and challenges. We both have to work hard to listen to our inner voices and our rabbanim so that we know what Hashem wants from each of us.

I came here to say this but you said it well.

I believe (no, I don't claim to know for certain) that Hashem does not want me to wear a lace wig. The reason I believe this way is because rabbanim in my community, whom I consult on other matters, are strongly against it. Plus, people in my area/age/stage/community don't, so I feel it would be a breach.

I believe that the answer may be different for other people. And it's not my place to judge where other people are holding or tell them what to do if not specifically asked. (Sometimes I judge or tell people off without thinking it's the right thing to do, but whatever. Working on it.)

I believe the same thing can be fine, or even praiseworthy, for one person but problematic for another.

amother

↑ Mintgreen ↓

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 9:26 am

amother Begonia wrote:

Oh please this is such a stereotype. I wear a lace top and my clothing isn't tight or showing lines and I don't chew gum. Give me a break. And you can't see hair through a lace top and I've never seen anyone's hair through a lace top. I think people love to judge others and make themselves feel better by putting more restrictions on themselves

Let me clarify. I did not say that people who wear lace tops do all the other things. Of course not, that would make no sense as it’s completely not true!
I wear a lace top wig myself.
Rather I was trying to say that I believe it to be nuanced, more of an overall vibe, something that is completely ok within the letter of the law, but perhaps doesn’t reflect the ideal standard.
We should never judge someone else. Nor should we be rude when we disagree.
I think we need to be honest with ourselves and not fake ignorance when certain topics are bought up. I might not agree with OP but I can understand why she is asking and I can respect her for asking a question.

amother

Daphne ↓

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 9:26 am

amother Begonia wrote:

The mitzvah is to cover your hair. How does a lace top defeat the purpose when your hair is covered?

According to these Rabbanim, this is a problem, which if I'm not mistaken are the senior poskim of BMG. If you don't follow these poskim fine, but many do (or should).

amother

↑ Daphne ↓

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 9:27 am

meiravit wrote:

Well said.

amother

↑ Begonia ↓

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 9:30 am

Some people put their 3 year old in tights. Some people don't make their 3 year old wear socks. Do you think hashem wants 3 year olds to wear tights? People think differently and do differently. I don't think it's anyone's business to judge what someone else is doing. And I think there are probably other things you should be worrying about besides for if hashem cares if I wear a lace top wig.

↑ shabbatiscoming ↓

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 9:31 am

amother Wandflower wrote:

And then 10 rabanim will have 10 different answers.

And if you ask me did hashem want everyone to do something different depending on where they live and who they ask, I'd say no.

It doesn't make sense that the women in Teaneck NJ hashem is ok if they wear lacetops but not the women im Boropark.

Amother, there are frum women ALL OVER THE WORLD, not just different affiliations in the tri state area.
How could it be that every single orthodox rabbi around the world would have the same interpretation and psak for every last mitzvah? That literally does not make any sense.
And I am so thankful for that
And who said is not ok with one and ok with the other? That is not what is being said. Its the rabbanim and how they interpret the halacha differently.
Boy would judaism be boring if everyone kept everything the exact same way. You would also have much fewer religious jews that way.

↑ meiravit

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 9:32 am

As an aside, the problem that many rabbanim have is not that the wigs are pretty, but that they look too natural and it can be near impossible to tell that the woman is covering her hair.

The way I see it, here's the sum-up:
All agree that a married woman's hair should be covered, or at least the majority of it.
All agree that the covering (and any other clothing she wears) should be modest and not overly s-xy.
Many hold that it needs to be obvious that it's not her real hair.

So people arguing about having a beautiful wig is besides the point - the question is if a very natural looking wig is allowed. Follow your LOR.

Last edited by meiravit on Wed, Jul 24 2024, 9:34 am; edited 1 time in total

↑ shabbatiscoming ↓

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 9:33 am

amother Wandflower wrote:

That isn't halacha from the torah. The issur of erva is from the torah. I don't think there should be 10 different opinions about it that are essentially based on where a person lives.

Why not? Tzniut literally works that way. Minhag hamakom and all. And hair covering works the same. You will no have everyone covering one way. Its just never going to happen. Thats not how halacha works.

amother

↑ Daphne ↓

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 9:34 am

amother Wandflower wrote:

Minhag hamakom is a real thing.

Besides, of course different Rabbanim from different communities pasken differently on all sorts of things. We don't open bottles on Shabbos, some do. We use baby wipes on shabbos, many Rabbanim hold its assur. And don't get mr started on women's pictures or talking to women directly.... it seems to be a real thing in certain communities, though not at all in mine.

From the beginning there were 12 shevatim and each shevet was slightly different, probably emphasized different things. We are not all the same and we shouldn't be. Hashem created us all differently and we are all drawn to different ways of life.

amother

Valerian

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 9:38 am

Coming from someone who only covers to shul so I have no skin in this game. Most sheitals look better than a woman’s real hair especially after a certain age. I think focusing on lace is a bit silly since most sheitals now are gorgeous and better looking than real hair. Is it really such a sacrifice to cover when it makes you look even better?

amother

↑ Daphne ↓

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 9:40 am

amother Valerian wrote:

If it's not a sacrifice why don't you do it?

↑ shabbatiscoming ↓

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 9:43 am

amother Dodgerblue wrote:

Hashem would want us to listen to the Gedolim.
Reb. Tzippora Gottleib teaches that "Moshiach will come when we are ready to listen"

So there are rabbanim who hold that it is assur and there are those that hold it is not assur. Most are LISTENING to THEIR rabbanim. Your point?
Not everyone is going to listen to the same rabbanim.

↑ shabbatiscoming ↓

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 9:44 am

amother Daphne wrote:

According to these Rabbanim, this is a problem, which if I'm not mistaken are the senior poskim of BMG. If you don't follow these poskim fine, but many do (or should).

If you are not part of that community why should you follow those poskim? That does not make any logical sense.

amother

Apple

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 9:46 am

Hashem wants us to cover our hair.
Are we covering it? Yes. I'm sure Hashem wants that and is happy.

Why is the mitzvah to cover one's hair after marriage?
If it's because our hair is holy and it must be covered, then we fulfilled it 100%.
If it's because natural hair is attractive, then we have some room for growth.

amother

↑ Begonia

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 9:46 am

amother Valerian wrote:

Yes it is a sacrifice to cover when you look better. Even the most comfortable wig is uncomfortable. And expensive. And a time waster. So much easier to deal with your own hair, and you can always look better without covering by wearing extensions or a topper.

↑ sushilover ↓

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 9:47 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

If you are not part of that community why should you follow those poskim? That does not make any logical sense.

She's not saying that everyone has to listen to her gedolim. She's saying that people who are part of her community should listen to her community's gedolim.