Would you accept this invitation

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Forum -> Household Management -> Finances

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amother

OP ↓

Fri, Jul 19 2024, 7:14 pm

I live OOT and came in town for 2 weeks vacation. On my own
A family member invited me for Shabbos meals and to sleep
I know they struggle financially and I help them whenever I can
I know they get food from Tomche Shabbos

I feel funny going to them
On the one hand I know they struggle and I don’t want to eat their food
On the other hand we don’t see each other often and they really want to invite me for Shabbos and I don’t want to offend.
I bring lots of treats for the kids and an appetizer board for the table.

How would you feel?

amother

Jean

Fri, Jul 19 2024, 7:16 pm

Letting them be on the giving end is also a chessed.
Give them dignity and let them host and repay you.
Come with treats as you said or other food that is nice to bring (sourdough, nice dips, etc so that it's clearly a hosting gift and not trying to buy them food).

amother

Moccasin

Fri, Jul 19 2024, 7:18 pm

Takers also want to be givers. Why should getting tomche shabbos mean that she can't ever have guests. She wants your company she wants to share. For sure u should accept.

amother

↑ OP

Fri, Jul 19 2024, 7:29 pm

I did accept but I felt funny
Of course I only brought a hostess gift, an appetizer board that is given as a gift and I know they like.
I would never bring food that made them feel they can’t afford to make Shabbos.

amother

Violet

Fri, Jul 19 2024, 7:35 pm

That’s perfect. Yes, I would accept this invitation if I was alone (meaning I wasn’t coming with a bunch of kids). One person doesn’t eat that much, and it might be one of their only opportunities to host.

amother

Cyan

Fri, Jul 19 2024, 9:01 pm

I personally would likely accept and do a little more than whatever you typically get as a hostess gift. Maybe a treat for the kids too?
Often little things would be missed out on by kids if they are struggling that much.
A small game (if you know they like Uno there are new varieties, a card game like monopoly deal... all cost like $5-10) or a shabbos treat... especially if you are close and know this about them. Don't make it weird but in my family we often bring "I missed you gifts" or things like "saw this at the grocery and just had to get it for the kids!" "My friend told me I had to get this game for the big kids, hers are obsessed!"

Even if they weren't struggling we do this sometimes. But totally don't make it weird or obvious that it is because you know they are struggling financially.

Let them be the host and do the chessed. That is also a major gift.

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