Daughter with ADHD hates washing hair

amother

OP ↓

Thu, Jul 18 2024, 8:54 am

My daughter is 12 and likely has adhd and hates washing her hair.
She hasn’t expressed exactly why. I know she has sensory issues and that might be it. She does shower when prodded but will often conveniently forget to wash her hair.
She’s old enough that her hair gets oily and needs to be washed on schedule so this is a problem.
Once in a while my husband washes it for her salon-style in the sink. But that’s not practical for long-term.
Does your kid hate washing their hair? Have they elaborated why? Have you found a solution?

amother

Iris ↓

Thu, Jul 18 2024, 9:21 am

I had a sibling like that, and now as an adult, she is not hygienic. (she probably has other issues not just ADHD). I have a DD with ADD (the inattentive kind) and I was super into her hygiene as a young child because I had this fear that she would turn out like my sister (they have certain similarities). BH she has not and she's very clean.
Maybe offer her incentives when she washes her hair, say, for a week straight? You want to develop the habit in her.

amother

PlumPink

Thu, Jul 18 2024, 9:30 am

Wow, I had forgotten that I felt this way...

My mother never took showers, only baths, and that was how I grew up, until I lived in a dorm.

Might that be better for her?

Or make the shower experience special - maybe candles in the bathroom, a squishy cozy bathrobe? Or maybe a specific body soap or shampoo?

Or alternatively, teach her to go really fast, and play some very fast paced music in the shower?

Maybe try a handheld shower head, with different vibration patterns? I know I like it better because I can control where the water goes on my body, and how it feels.

I know I don't like the feeling of the water going in my eyes or up my nose.

Does she use a blow dryer? Maybe she doesn't like the wet hair afterwards?

Maybe experiment with whether showering in the morning or evening is better?

Chances are good that she will get more used to it. I believe in incentives!

I also believe in habit stacking - find something that she ALWAYS does and then add the showering piece on to it....

Just curious - does she like to swim?

Hotzlocha rabba!

mummiedearest

Thu, Jul 18 2024, 9:48 am

I’ve known kids like that. Get her a special body wash/shampoo/conditioner. Let her choose the scent.

If she still doesn’t like to wash her hair, get her a softer bristle brush and have her brush from root to end 100 times a night. This used to be standard hair care- it distributes the natural oils to moisturize the hair.

If she doesn’t want to do that but will shampoo once a week, get her dry shampoo spray and teach her to use that.

If all else fails, pour some shampoo on her head before she goes to shower. She’ll have to rinse it out.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Jul 18 2024, 10:36 am

She doesn’t like to get into the shower but once she gets in she enjoys the shower.
I have to try to have her elaborate what about the washing hair she hates. (She does like to swim.)
I’ll ask about the short hair!

mushkamothers

Thu, Jul 18 2024, 10:42 am

amother OP wrote:

Very very common. There's a million little steps that make up "just get into the shower" and she can freeze at any one of them.

Task initiation - everything around getting the thing started
Sensory - temperature. Taking off clothes. Getting wet. Getting dry. Etc

I heard a great podcast once that really broke it down. It was by KC Davis together with another big name, maybe Mel Robbins.

Since she's 12 already she can probably identify herself where she gets stuck, if you outline it for her. Then problem solve.

Example: set a timer and she has to get inside before it rings (creates deadline = dopamine). If she beats the timer she can use the special new shampoo (positive reinforcement)

If it's sensory - put towel in dryer, steam up bathroom first, ease into the water, whatever specific problem she has

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Jul 18 2024, 10:53 am

mushkamothers wrote:

Thanks I’ll check it all out

amother

↑ Iris ↓

Thu, Jul 18 2024, 10:54 am

amother OP wrote:

Funny when my DD was little she hated getting into the bath....and she also hated coming out! She also likes to swim, and is in fact working as a lifeguard this summer.
One thing about her is I know she hates getting water around her eyes/face. So she keeps a towel hanging on the shower door, which she uses to immediately wipe her face after shampooing. It's a bit annoying really (that extra towel) but seeing this thread, my complaints are rapidly shrinking....
maybe that could work for your DD if it's an issue. I think alot of people with ADD/ADHD also have a certain amount of sensory issues.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Jul 18 2024, 10:55 am

amother Iris wrote:

I am nervous about her hygiene. She mentioned to me a that a friend said something to her about a different area of hygiene and she felt bad- but it doesn’t connect for her to her actually washing her hair.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Jul 18 2024, 10:55 am

amother PlumPink wrote:

So many ideas thanks

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Jul 18 2024, 10:56 am

mummiedearest wrote:

She asked for dry shampoo but that’s for in between washes. I do try to minimize her hair-washing but it’s gotta get done, I see her hair is dirty.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Jul 18 2024, 10:57 am

amother Iris wrote:

Yes I think the adhd has parallel sensory component, will try to get from her the details so we can tackle what bothers her

amother

Gray ↓

Thu, Jul 18 2024, 11:00 am

amother OP wrote:

If it's sensory issues, she might not be able to fully verbalize it. Hair washing is a very intense sensory experience in a lot of different ways.

amother

↑ Iris ↓

Thu, Jul 18 2024, 11:04 am

amother OP wrote:

Honestly I spelled it out to her (when she was younger. Like 3 or 4 or 5). I told her that people whose hair isn't washed could get buggies in their hair (lice). And also that people like to be friends with people who are clean and smell nice. (she used to resist the shampooing. We figured out it was about getting her eyes wet, so I used to immediately towel dry her after hair washing.)
As an older teen she tells me she remembers these conversations and she actually appreciates that we had them and that she developed good habits.

miami85 ↓

Thu, Jul 18 2024, 11:12 am

Part of the challenge of ADHD is the "Executive functioning" and "hair washing" has a bunch of steps with some of the "rules" being somewhat vague--especially for a girl depending on her hair length and texture. The book Kosher ADHD advises task analysis and breaking it down into manageable steps.

You have to wet your hair--which may be sensory aversive
You have to use "enough shampoo"--not too much, not too little may be too vague. A good guideline is a "Quarter size" or a "cap-full" depending on her hair length and texture you need to figure out an amount that works well for her
You need to work it into a lather--which may be a sensory issue. Would gloves help? Is the issue getting the shampoo throughout her hair?
Then comes rinsing, she may not feel that she is a good judge of knowing when it is "done" Help her understand what clean hair vs soapy hair feels like. Maybe use a timer so she can keep track of the time and using a time guide of "If you have rinsed it for 3 minutes, it should be clean enough.
Then comes Conditioner--which has many of the same issues as the shampoo.

Finally telling her that "if you don't, you will get bugs" is actually factually false, I've heard that lice prefer clean scalps. I've told my kids that sweat makes your scalp and hair itch--which is true.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Jul 18 2024, 11:28 am

amother Iris wrote:

I will spell it out. I think I’ve mentioned in the past but maybe this convo needs more intention.
And also talk to her about it being a habit and having to get into it.

amother

Gold

Thu, Jul 18 2024, 11:32 am

Yes it's very common. my dd with adhd hates it too. It takes so much to get her to shower/wash her hair. a couple of times she got these massive ball of knots in her hair that took hours on my end to get out. once we had to cut it, that's how bad it was.
It's really not easy.