Shabbos sneakers? | Imamother

↑ Reality

Thu, Jul 18 2024, 9:24 am

amother NeonGreen wrote:

My daughter is in shidduchim and wears the white Nike sneakers on shabbos (and during the week) it drives me up the wall! What can I do? She's old enough to get married, she old enough to self sabotage and deal with the consequences and yes that's what it is b/c it's unacceptable where I live. She does it because she says shabbos shoes are uncomfortable which is a ridiculous thing to generalize b/c she hasn't tried that many pairs. Even when I offer to spend 💰 on companies that are known to be comfortable (birdies for example) she just says no, it's called being stubborn!

Bezrat Hashem, she will marry someone who doesn't care that she wears sneakers!

amother

↑ Hibiscus ↓

Thu, Jul 18 2024, 9:24 am

amother Peach wrote:

I have these
https://www.amazon.com/Tommy-H.....;th=1

I’ve worn them to shul, but I have knee problems and need cushion rubber soles

These are cute and stylish & the lack of laces makes them more dressy. She may go for these.

↑ Simple1

Thu, Jul 18 2024, 9:35 am

PinkFridge wrote:

There are bigger hills to die on, like knees, elbows, etc. I could see being laid back about this. But here's what I'm wondering: Who does she want to look like? Is this a chevrah you're comfortable hanging with middos and exposure-wise? Will she alienate herself from chevrahs that not just you wish she wouldn't but that she'll wish she hadn't?

This is a good point.

amother

Outerspace ↓

Thu, Jul 18 2024, 9:59 am

amother Oxfordblue wrote:

It’s white Vans and they are everywhere. In Teaneck you can wear them to shul. In Queens it’s for Shabbos afternoon. In my fancy bank the CFO lady who only wore heels for the past 5 years and looked like a cross between Cruella Deville and The Devil Wears Prada just showed up to work yesterday in drumroll, white Vans.

The Teaneck teen girls wear white Nikes AF1s. No more shabbos shoes. They even wear them to bat mitzvahs.

rmbg

Thu, Jul 18 2024, 10:56 am

This new trend really truly irritates me. Evert time I see it I cringe. It feels like a real desecration of the holiness of shabbos and other holy occasions I.e. weddings, bar mitzvahs, bas mitzvahs. Theres a time and place for every thing. Sneakers are meant to be casual wear. Wearing them for a dressy occasion is disrespectful. I know “everyone”’is doing it.

amother

Poppy

Thu, Jul 18 2024, 10:57 am

When I had an injury and had to wear sneakers, I was so uncomfortable wearing them to shul. I found black sketchers slip on walking sneakers. They have a little silvery sparkle in it. They were far from shabbosdik, but I made them work in a pinch.

amother

Opal ↓

Thu, Jul 18 2024, 10:59 am

Op I totally get you we need to treat Shabbos with respect. And to all those saying g it's about health and comfort that's not at all what it's about. Teens are doing this because it's trendy. That being said I wouldn't make it a power struggle. I would buy her what she wants but I would use good old fashion Jewish mom guilt lol

amother

↑ Opal ↓

Thu, Jul 18 2024, 11:00 am

amother Outerspace wrote:

The Teaneck teen girls wear white Nikes AF1s. No more shabbos shoes. They even wear them to bat mitzvahs.

And this in my opinion is in very poor taste. It's disrespectful to Shabbos. I would want to convey that to my daughter but I wouldn't fight about it

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Jul 18 2024, 11:14 am

I see I'm not alone. Thank you to those who understand. It's very irritating and besides it looks off. I'm sure every mother wants her children to be dressed nicely. My daughter has good friends Baruch Hashem and they dress properly. She isn't trying to copy them. She must have seen someone random and decided she likes the look. She's my oldest daughter so this is exceptionally difficult. She's a good girl with good friends but disregards my opinion on anything to do with her looks.

amother

↑ Outerspace ↓

Thu, Jul 18 2024, 11:46 am

amother Opal wrote:

And this in my opinion is in very poor taste. It's disrespectful to Shabbos. I would want to convey that to my daughter but I wouldn't fight about it

The look grew on me. They look beautiful, the plain white sneakers coordinate with their outfits. Soon enough it will look normal to all of us, like any trend and style.

amother

Bergamot

Thu, Jul 18 2024, 11:55 am

amother OP wrote:

Your last sentence speaks volumes. You really seem to have a power struggle going on. I would back off. This is really not the biggest deal. She is 15 already

↑ PinkFridge ↓

Thu, Jul 18 2024, 12:02 pm

rmbg wrote:

Yeah, but when it comes to picking battles...

giftedmom

Thu, Jul 18 2024, 12:13 pm

Firstly this is hilarious and also refreshing. As an older teen I had to be the odd one out because I couldn’t get myself to wear high heels. Still can’t. Even a small heel is super annoying. I wish this trend comes to my neighborhood. Imagine being able to go to a wedding in sneakers.
With that said, op you’re raising a teen in today’s times not in the times you were raised. Get with the program. My teens shock me with new trends and ideas on the daily. Sometimes I feel like I landed on a different planet. It is what it is. Not worth sacrificing a relationship over.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Jul 18 2024, 12:15 pm

amother Bergamot wrote:

Your last sentence speaks volumes. You really seem to have a power struggle going on. I would back off. This is really not the biggest deal. She is 15 already

I did back off. I don’t fight with her. She wore old sneakers to shul on shavuos and her winter school boots for pesach and to the weddings we went to this year. In the fall I had bought her a nicer pair of boots for shabbos and she said she liked them. A few weeks later she didn’t like them anymore. She's asking for shabbos sneakers for months now. That doesn't mean I have to buy them for her. I understand stockings aren't comfortable if you're not used to them. It can't be that all shoes are ugly except plain white Vans or Nikes. I'm pretty sure Vans are last year anyway. If I had bought them, she'd be done with them by now.

amother

Jean ↓

Thu, Jul 18 2024, 12:38 pm

Lots of girls in my neighborhood (in monsey) are wearing floral dresses with white sneakers or white birkenstocks with short white socks. The style did grow on me and now I actually think it looks nice.
They dont wear it to shul-just in the afternoon, and OP I would totally allow my daughter to wear it but not to shul.

↑ PinkFridge ↓

Thu, Jul 18 2024, 12:45 pm

amother Jean wrote:

Honestly, it gives me pause.
BUT and it's a BIG BUT, I wouldn't make a macha'ah, like this is the reason tzaros are happening type thing. If I were a mechaneches, I'd try to bring in the topic of kavod Shabbos in creative, uplifting, and energetic ways.

And if I had the platform to say it (oh wait, I'll do it right here): NO SLINKIES ON SHABBOS, grownups. And buy a dedicated, prettier snood or tichel for Shabbos. Telegraph that this is how we do on Shabbos.

I'm not saying you shouldn't get comfortable. Believe me, I'm the last to talk. But your more comfy Shabbos wear still needs to be different and at least a little nicer than your weekday clothes.

Then our kids will take us seriously.

Now one thing: I am NOT saying that OP must be wearing slinkies and a ratty snood on Shabbos. It's the collective. I might be covering my knees all the time, even when I sit, lean over, etc. but if enough other women around, that could cynicize my daughter. (I just made up that word. Easier than saying, make my daughter cynical.)

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Jul 18 2024, 12:51 pm

amother Jean wrote:

Bare legs, stockings, or black leggings with their white socks and white sneakers?