Dd 7th grade has a friend who seems a bit....

amother

OP ↓

Wed, Jul 17 2024, 6:30 pm

DD who just finished 7th grade has a friend/neighbor who is a great kid with a lot of spunk but also some personality traits that are a bit disturbing. Friend is 13 years old.

-She can never ever ever be wrong. She twists things around to make herself be the right one.

-When playing a game, if she sees she is losing, she will suddenly change the rules of the game or the scoring in her favor. Dd tries to insist they follow the rules, but forget it, there's nothing to talk about.

-She lies a lot.

-She is usually very happy and fun and nice to dd, but she can get really mean to dd every now and then.

-She puts dd down an awful lot.

-She twists around things people say and uses it against them.

Is this just immaturity? Is it more than that? This girl is 13, that's too old for this imho.

Some of it sounds like low self esteem. We do try to build her up. She doesn't come across as unconfident.

For context, dd is a very sweet, non-competitive, non-confrontational type of kid. That's probably why they can get along. She does stick up for herself when appropriate, I have made sure of that and seen it firsthand.

I am worried about the effect this can have on my daughter. The problem is that since she is a neighbor also, they hang out a lot together. She just comes over and hangs out.

Not sure what to do....

dena613

Wed, Jul 17 2024, 6:51 pm

I would minimize the relationship.

That's not normal behavior for a 13 yo girl.

Also, even if its not affecting your dd emotionally at the moment, it will affect (or already is affecting) her socially, as other girls who don't like the friend lump your dd with her as her friend.

In terms of her being a neighbor, have dd be out of the house more.

Dolly Welsh

Wed, Jul 17 2024, 6:56 pm

Try to get DD out of this friendship. It is very, very bad for her.

As your DD is useful to this friend as a compliant companion, that won't be easy or smooth. The friend will try to keep her.

As she is a neighbor the only thing to do is try to have them never alone together. You might have to be the nosy one who is always there. Discuss this in private with your DD so she accepts this.

There is nothing at all you can do to help this friend. And she is NOT insecure. She is too secure.

Yes, you are right about the risk to your DD. Real depression can come from such abusive relationships.

I am sorry to have to speak ill of so young a girl.