Vort/Engagement Parties; Not Knowing Anyone

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Forum -> Relationships -> Simcha Section

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ysydmom

Tue, Jul 16 2024, 8:58 pm

So lately I have been invited to Vort's/Engagement party where I know the person making the simcha but I don't know anyone else. I usually say a Mazel Tov to that person and then I leave as I don't know what else to do.

It's weird to just stand around and eat, or to stand around and look bored and I don't want to be rude and look at my phone. Sometimes I'll say hello to a random person standing around but sometimes there is nobody randomly standing around.

What do you do in these situations? I would stay longer but I feel so uncomfortable. I get dressed up for the five minutes and then go right back home.

amother

Freesia

Tue, Jul 16 2024, 8:59 pm

I’d do what you do.

amother

Midnight

Tue, Jul 16 2024, 9:00 pm

I would do the same honestly. Or I would make sure to go with someone else who was invited/knows the people making the simcha so I have someone to socialize with.

Chayalle

Tue, Jul 16 2024, 9:07 pm

Except for close family, I rarely spend more than a few minutes at a vort.

amother

Slategray

Tue, Jul 16 2024, 9:09 pm

Yes I walk in say mazel tov and leave

amother

Honey

Wed, Jul 17 2024, 5:53 am

You're doing the right thing - say mazel tov and leave. I was recently at a vort where I expected to know people - or rather, I expected to see people there with whom I could chat. It ended up that there were people I know to say hello to but no one I could chat with. I was waiting to see if anyone came in (because DH was also there and we'd made up to meet in 20 minutes; I still had 10 minutes) when someone came up to me and asked if I was okay because I looked kind of sad and lost. (lol) So I left and waited outside for DH. Where I also probably looked sad and lost but hopefully no one noticed because it was dark.

amother

Snow

Wed, Jul 17 2024, 6:11 am

If it's local I'll go and leave after a few minutes. If it's far and I definitely know I'm not going to know anyone, I don't go at all, but call the baal Simcha to wish Mazal tov.

Miranda Wright

Wed, Jul 17 2024, 6:21 am

Eat the cookies and people-watch.

amother

Wine

Wed, Jul 17 2024, 7:05 am

Maybe someone is in the same boat as you. Waiting for someone to say hello to them there since they also don't know anyone there. You can always look around, notice someone and make small talk. For example, I'm so and so's friend etc, how do you know the chosson/kallah? This cake was delicious, etc. If you don't know anyone at the engagement, will you know anyone at the wedding or also be in the same position?

watergirl

Wed, Jul 17 2024, 7:36 am

Honestly? I just don’t go. It’s fine.

amother

Feverfew

Wed, Jul 17 2024, 7:50 am

Vorts are meant to be an in and out thing but they’re more fun when you know people.
Many people walk in to say Mazel Tov and then walk right out unless they happen to bump into someone they know and they stop to talk for a few seconds.

PinkFridge

Wed, Jul 17 2024, 8:27 am

ysydmom wrote:

You can get a little more time out of wishing mazel tov to all sides, bubbies, playing Jewish geography with relatives who came in...
But I know the feeling.

amother

Cyclamen

Wed, Jul 17 2024, 11:50 am

Yep, this is what I do as well. Sometimes I'll meet someone I know and talk for a couple of minutes. Also I will often go with one of my kids, so they can pick one thing to eat before we go.
I'm also old enough that it's usually the chosson/kallah's parents that I'm coming for, rather than the happy couple, and there's often more opportunity to talk for longer than with the kallah.
I think most people don't linger unless they're family or very close friends.

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