Please help me understand this

amother

OP ↓

Mon, Jul 15 2024, 12:37 pm

I bh have 4 beautiful healthy children kah. All 4 of them are in various therapies, 2 with ASD and 2 with big language, OT and social delays. I'm just trying to figure out if I'm doing something wrong when their born. How could it be that every single 1 of my children have delays in different areas? Is this nature vs nurture? Is it genetic? I know I shouldn't be comparing to other families but when I look around and see families with kids who've never seen a therapist even once it just makes me wonder if I'm doing something wrong. (I know I don't know what goes on behind closed doors and they might have different struggles that I wouldnt know about) but I know so many families where the kids all just develop normally, have tons of friends and do well in school. I'm not complaining I'm super grateful for what Hashem gives me it's just so so hard sometimes. I also sometimes feel like why should I have more kids if it's just going to mean more therapy. Like why should I put myself through it.

amother

DarkRed

Mon, Jul 15 2024, 12:46 pm

Gut issues
Intergenerational trauma
Mthfr
Parasites or chronic infections that are passed on

-from a fellow mom in the trenches with multiple kids with same type issues as yours

amother

Oak ↓

Mon, Jul 15 2024, 12:57 pm

Oy I’m so impressed you had the courage to post OP.

I could have written your post Sad

It’s so challenging bh.

And before someone says it, I did take the gottman sisters baby course when my 4th k”h was a baby and am now getting her evaluated for services.
I’m not saying it wasn’t helpful just saying that now cuz it’s bound to come up in the replies.

Op I also don’t know what it is. I wish I did.

How does one begin looking into mtfr or the inflammation piece?

Honestly don’t know but loads of hatzlacha and hugs and dovening for you and all of us op!

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Jul 15 2024, 1:11 pm

amother Oak wrote:

Oy I’m so impressed you had the courage to post OP.

I could have written your post Sad

Thanks for understanding! It's nice to know that I'm not in my struggles alone. I took the Gutman sisters course when my fourth was 2 weeks old. She's now 14 months and been in EI since 7-8 months. It was a lot of nice information but definitely didn't prevent her from needing therapy.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Jul 15 2024, 1:12 pm

amother DarkRed wrote:

Gut issues
Intergenerational trauma
Mthfr
Parasites or chronic infections that are passed on

-from a fellow mom in the trenches with multiple kids with same type issues as yours

How do I look into these and is there anything to do about it? What is mthfr?

amother

Floralwhite

Mon, Jul 15 2024, 1:23 pm

I also have 4, all are neurodivergent. Really, I shouldn't be surprised. Dh has asd and adhd, and although I was never diagnosed, I probably have adhd myself. I did stop at 4 because yes, I decided not to roll the dice anymore, and I've got enough on my plate.

amother

↑ Oak

Mon, Jul 15 2024, 2:02 pm

amother OP wrote:

I wonder if we took the class together, I took it when my baby was 8 months and is now 24 months and starting therapy.

Sigh.

I’m interested to look into what the poster wrote also here about mthrfr and things to investigate. Everything is so much energy, time, and money tho. And brain space lol.

I hesitated myself to post about this because I know people do stop having children, but I guess my hashkafas don’t align that way. Yet having kids with asd tho minor, speech delays, ot, tantruming is far from easy. Not sure what the right answers are.

amother

Cantaloupe

Mon, Jul 15 2024, 2:25 pm

It's very likely genetic in some way, though you wouldn't know unless you all did extensive genetic testing. Even then, you wouldn't necessarily have a complete answer. But micro deletions can lead to what you're describing.

amother

Moonstone

Mon, Jul 15 2024, 4:56 pm

I have definitely seen ASD does seem to have a genetic component. FIL has what certainly looks like undiagnosed ASD, which has filtered to his children and there are also several grandchildren with ASD.
Unfortunately op, it's a challenge that I don't think has an answer. Why do some people seem to have it easy with their children, I don't know. I also don't know how to avoid it in my future children and would love to know.
I don't really know how much it would help to spend time and resources researching all these different things. What outcome would it change? Will my kids be miraculously cured and not need help? No, it's likely to leave me more tired and less energy. So I may as well just deal with how the issues present and what I can do to support my kids (and myself) on a practical day to day.

amother

Bisque

Mon, Jul 15 2024, 7:13 pm

hi, from a fellow ima with 2 asd kids and zero familial genetics-I never even heard of the word before my first was diagnosed lol.
running to therapy all day is exhausting!!!
to answer your question, I believe most of the time its nature.
my second, I was hyper vigilant and started intensive EI at 4 months and did all the reccomended parenting stuff...and still has asd.

amother

Peru ↓

Mon, Jul 15 2024, 7:23 pm

Genetic predisposition actualized by environmental factors: toxic load, pathogenic load, microbiome, vaccine injury, chronic infections, mold toxicity, myofuncyional issues etc.

Asd and adhd runs heavily in my family, but as I work on healing my children's guts, immune systems and nervous systems, more and more asd and adhd behaviors, symptoms and tendencies fall away.

amother

↑ OP

Mon, Jul 15 2024, 7:37 pm

amother Peru wrote:

How do you heal those?

amother

↑ Peru

Tue, Jul 16 2024, 1:21 pm

amother OP wrote:

How do you heal those?

Ideally you work under the guidance of a practitioner that's knowledgeable regarding biomedical treatment for asd (that's the term used for treating the biological and medical root causes that show up as asd behaviors). Most of them are very costly. But there is also plenty you can do yourself. There are some good support groups for this on Facebook and reddit, and also many very very informative books. Let me know if you want to know more.