Proper etiquette? | Imamother

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Proper etiquette?

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amother

OP ↓

Mon, Jul 15 2024, 12:14 pm

If I’m traveling with my whole family for a wedding - will need to pay for plane tickets and place to stay and food and all that while there - do I still give a wedding present? And if so, how much is appropriate?

amother

Clear

Mon, Jul 15 2024, 12:19 pm

No, I wouldn't.

The gift is our presence!

amother

Lightcoral

Mon, Jul 15 2024, 12:20 pm

The question is if you have the money for it or not.
If you have the money then of course why not?
If you don't have the money then it's perfectly acceptable not to get anything else.

Bnei Berak 10

Mon, Jul 15 2024, 12:21 pm

What's your relationship to the wedding? Siblings? Very close friends?

groovy1224

Mon, Jul 15 2024, 12:22 pm

If you can afford to, it's nice.

It's not expected though, since you incurred significant expenses just to attend.

amother

Forsythia ↓

Mon, Jul 15 2024, 12:33 pm

How long are you staying for? Most people making a wedding will try to find sleeping arrangements for their non-local guests. But if you're staying for more than 1-2 nights, it seems like you're making it more into a mini vacation for yourselves.
If you have the money, maybe just subtract the cost of hotel from what you'd usually gift? I wouldn't factor in good because you need to eat food no matter where you are. Even if restaurants are more money than home, that's your choice because you could bring food from home if you want.
Edited: oops, I forgot you are flying. The cost of flights is presumably higher than any gift you'd send. So my final answer is, if you can, great. If not, don't worry about it. However, it strikes me as funny that you are even thinking about the hotel and food here. I get the impression you don't really want to go to this wedding but you feel obligated.

amother

Maple

Mon, Jul 15 2024, 12:40 pm

amother Lightcoral wrote:

The question is if you have the money for it or not.
If you have the money then of course why not?
If you don't have the money then it's perfectly acceptable not to get anything else.

I second this.

Also depends if you all "have" to go - with you not needing gift if you "have" to go. Youre spending that + on going!

If you're using your next door neighbors sons wedding as an excuse to visit Disneyland with your entire family becauser they were all invited, well, you might want to consider a gift.

amother

Foxglove

Mon, Jul 15 2024, 12:52 pm

Ugh.

My husband's very rich uncle actually gave us less and told us about it...

We got married OOT a few months after his other nephew got married in town.
He brought his whole family for a vacation to my city, ate out at fancy restaurants, did expensive day trips.

When he gave us a gift, he said it was smaller than what his other nieces/nephews got because he spent so much money on coming to the wedding.

So whatever you do... do it classy. Give or don't, if you can't. Just don't talk about it.

Chayalle

Mon, Jul 15 2024, 12:55 pm

I did contribute, according to my budget, to a wedding gift for relatives despite travelling and expenses incurred.

amother

↑ OP

Mon, Jul 15 2024, 1:08 pm

What’s a normal amount to give as a wedding present in general? Haven’t really gone to many before.

amother

↑ Forsythia

Mon, Jul 15 2024, 1:18 pm

amother OP wrote:

What’s a normal amount to give as a wedding present in general? Haven’t really gone to many before.

Totally depends on your financial standing, baal simchas' circles, how close you are, etc.
If you are family and you can only give $36 or less, it's probably better not to give anything. As a neighbor down the block or acquaintance, I'd say $36 is still acceptable.
But the norm is probably between $75-$300 depending on many factors.

amother

Glitter

Mon, Jul 15 2024, 1:20 pm

I think it's very community dependent. In my chassidish world wedding gifts are nice but not expected.

amother

Charcoal

Mon, Jul 15 2024, 4:46 pm

amother Forsythia wrote:

I think that's very dependent on where you live. In my circles, $36 is considered a good amount. Although I think a lot of people give gifts, some more basic and some higher end. But that's in my circles.
At the end of the day the chosson and kallah aren't going to remember in a few months or years time who was the person who gave the $5 blender, or the $50 vase. It's about the thought.
Do you need to give a gift? I don't think you need to, but it's nice if you can afford it to give something. Even if it's just a breakfast for the family the morning of the wedding or the morning after.
Tbh I think some of my cheaper gifts were the most useful. The $10 toaster was one of my most used gifts for nearly 7 years before it broke. The fancy food processor that made vegetables into pretty shapes and different sizes, well that has sat at the back of a closet for too many years to count.

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