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Forum
-> Household Management
-> Finances
amother
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 Wed, Jul 10 2024, 9:11 pm
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Every community takes care of their own, try speaking with the rebbetzins they’ll best guide them
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ysydmom
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Wed, Jul 10 2024, 10:13 pm
OP since your asking for your friend, some suggestions;
Call local JCC
Call Rabbi of shul they can do an anonymous community campaign and collect funds.
If it's for after the wedding the couple should sit down and figure out a realistic budget that works for them maybe one of them can add more work hours.
If you are in the USA there are so many organizations out there for Kallah's 100's of them pls reach out to all of them.
If someone else can cover wedding expenses maybe money that was offered can go to young couple
also the young couple will get gifts they can live off the gifts for a few months.
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amother
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Wed, Jul 10 2024, 10:19 pm
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Why did you post as if it’s your daughter?
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amother
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Wed, Jul 10 2024, 10:20 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | I think it’s the best investment |
You think or your friend does? This is getting confusing
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amother
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Wed, Jul 10 2024, 10:23 pm
why do I feel everyone is rude to op here?
am I the only one?
kallahs should not need to stress about finacials before weddings!
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amother
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Wed, Jul 10 2024, 10:30 pm
| amother Phlox wrote: | why do I feel everyone is rude to op here?
am I the only one?
kallahs should not need to stress about finacials before weddings! |
People are rude because we are not used to people posting for themselves with raw emotion and pulling in our heart strings and then saying - JK it’s my friend who needs this information. It makes people feel uncomfortable. Like they’re being lied to.
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amother
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Wed, Jul 10 2024, 10:31 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | I am divorced and don’t have money. They are very young. The chasan works but don’t make much. Dd still in school to get her certificate. I have the wedding expense paid by a relative but they need money to start their life and extra expenses for the wedding. I live out of town. The hachnasas Kala here gave me $1000. Are there resources I can call and ask for help? How do people manage?I don’t want them to start their life with stress about money. |
This
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amother
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Wed, Jul 10 2024, 10:34 pm
| ysydmom wrote: | OP since your asking for your friend, some suggestions;
Call local JCC
Call Rabbi of shul they can do an anonymous community campaign and collect funds.
If it's for after the wedding the couple should sit down and figure out a realistic budget that works for them maybe one of them can add more work hours.
If you are in the USA there are so many organizations out there for Kallah's 100's of them pls reach out to all of them.
If someone else can cover wedding expenses maybe money that was offered can go to young couple
also the young couple will get gifts they can live off the gifts for a few months. |
I agree. As for the organizations. I only got few names and one poster said that every community takes care of their own.
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amother
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Wed, Jul 10 2024, 10:37 pm
If she's that poor you can do a wedding shower. Does the kallah's have friends? She makes a list what she needs and host a party her friends and family can help buy from the list.
The wedding you said Is covered. Make sure she can offord two wigs.
She has to learn to live within her means and apply for social services.
She should live in a very cheap apartment minimum furniture or furnished. The husband has to make enough money to pay for the rent. Or move somewhere with better job opportunities. On the u.s apply to Food stamps and all programs. It's a process call close to the wedding and send in all paperwork after wedding as soon as you have them. Wife needs a low income job or be in school. So she's probably eligible income wise. You don't need money for Sheva brachos clothing go to department stores with lower prices. Try Burlington coat factory and tj max. Sheva beaches clothes are over rated. Brooklyn had Sheva Briches clothing gemachs.
As a mother if you could afford to host her for dinner it's a big help. She could help pay the bills. She could work longer hours and won't need so many pits if she doesn't have to worry about cooking.
A chosen kallah doesn't really need a full house before marriage. She could start with whatever she gets from the wedding shower and buy more as she earns money.
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amother
DarkRed
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Wed, Jul 10 2024, 10:42 pm
| amother Phlox wrote: | why do I feel everyone is rude to op here?
am I the only one?
kallahs should not need to stress about finacials before weddings! |
She should have a plan for her finances for after the wedding. You can't just get married and expect money to fall from the sky. Sorry.
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amother
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Wed, Jul 10 2024, 10:46 pm
| amother DarkRed wrote: | | She should have a plan for her finances for after the wedding. You can't just get married and expect money to fall from the sky. Sorry. |
10000%
but life happens I wish you all the luck in the world and never know what it means to not have a way out for the next day.
And its not about giving op money here she was asking for tools how to make contacts with ppl/orgs that can help her.
if you cant help out stay quiet or validate why the opposite??
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amother
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Wed, Jul 10 2024, 10:48 pm
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Just thinking if you are the mothers friend you could also help out invite them for a Shabbis meal.
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amother
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Wed, Jul 10 2024, 10:52 pm
| amother Gardenia wrote: | | Just thinking if you are the mothers friend you could also help out invite them for a Shabbis meal. |
I am a little clueless about this so I was asking for my friend. Maybe I shouldn’t have asked because I guess I wasn’t aware of the situation at all. Who said I don’t. But a Shabbos meal is not an answer for the big problem
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amother
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Wed, Jul 10 2024, 10:53 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | I am a little clueless about this so I was asking for my friend. Maybe I shouldn’t have asked because I guess I wasn’t aware of the situation at all. |
Huh?
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amother
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Wed, Jul 10 2024, 10:55 pm
I mean I didn’t know that so many newlyweds start that way. I thought it was a unique situation
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amother
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Wed, Jul 10 2024, 11:10 pm
Ok, now you know.
Many, many people get married as such. I guess that means you were supported in the beginning?
There are organizations that may help with wedding needs, but you didn't post a location so idk if we can help you with that.
Did your friend try reaching out to anyone?
1 sheitel is good to start off with. That's what I and most of my friends started off with. Lower end can be in the $2000 range.
Furniture from community WhatsApp chats, Yad Shnia.
Housewares from amazing savings or similar.
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amother
Brown
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Wed, Jul 10 2024, 11:18 pm
No, not everyone is set up like you seem to believe.
B”H my DD is engaged. She waited until she finished school and was working to be ready for marriage. I am paying for her wedding (which will be >75K) and she will register for the housewares that she wants. Hopefully she will get most of it as gifts, the rest she will either purchase with wedding money, or decide she really doesn’t need.
Just so you know, the pots she has her eye on is under $200 for a complete set, the dishes are about $45 for service for 8 as is the silverware. Bedding and towels are Amazon’s finest. Furniture she will figure out. She has one low end shaital ($450) and I am inclined to let her wear it for a while before she figures out what she likes and gets a second one (fyi, I had 1 for the first 3 years of my marriage, but I don’t exclusively cover with a shaital, a snood/mitpachat…. works for me as well so I don’t know if only 1 is fair for someone who needs to ALWAYS wear a shaital)
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amother
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Wed, Jul 10 2024, 11:18 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | I am a little clueless about this so I was asking for my friend. Maybe I shouldn’t have asked because I guess I wasn’t aware of the situation at all. Who said I don’t. But a Shabbos meal is not an answer for the big problem |
It's a problem that many young couples now face. There are indeed organizations to help for the actual wedding, but the couple needs to figure out the finances for after marriage.
The concept is not a strange one. When one gets married they need to be independent and self-supportive. And that's how it always has been. Relying on outside support is a new phenomenon that we only recently fostered. But it's gradually reverting back because parents can't keep up with having to support.
The young couple needs to sit down and work this out. They need to calculate a budget and figure out how to bring in that amount in income. That's how others do it. It is not easy. But few young couples get the easy way out. It's nice when one get that opportunity, but it's cannot be an expectation for most.
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amother
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Wed, Jul 10 2024, 11:26 pm
| amother Apricot wrote: | | You think or your friend does? This is getting confusing |
I think
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