I need to collect money for dd wedding

amother

OP ↓

Wed, Jul 10 2024, 7:36 pm

I am divorced and don’t have money. They are very young. The chasan works but don’t make much. Dd still in school to get her certificate. I have the wedding expense paid by a relative but they need money to start their life and extra expenses for the wedding. I live out of town. The hachnasas Kala here gave me $1000. Are there resources I can call and ask for help? How do people manage?I don’t want them to start their life with stress about money.

amother

Pewter ↓

Wed, Jul 10 2024, 7:57 pm

Firstly your title is misleading because you wrote you need to collect for a wedding when that isn't the case because you said wedding is covered and you need to collect for day to day life after the wedding. Secondly many people don't get married unless they can support themselves. When will your dd be done school? Is she in school full time? can she work part time?

amother

Eggplant ↓

Wed, Jul 10 2024, 8:02 pm

amother Pewter wrote:

This. Young women often need to change up their schedule to accommodate their responsibilities. Can she take Sunday or nighttime classes and work other times? What about the chosson, can he do some extra work until DD is ready?.

If they are old enough to get married, they should be able to make some necessary changes.

amother

↑ Pewter ↓

Wed, Jul 10 2024, 8:06 pm

Also being old enough to get married comes with the stress and responsibility that she will need to stress about money so I don't think your mindset is correct either. Yes its very nice when you just get married and don't have money stress on your head but that isn't the reality for most people in 2024.

amother

Pink

Wed, Jul 10 2024, 8:10 pm

Mazal tov! And you're such a great mom for wanting to give the best to your daughter..
Don't know exactly where you live and what services there are there but I also want to mention as the above posters, my parents paid exactly one month rent for us, stocked up my apartment with the small things (not furniture!) and that's it 😊 we had no money before the wedding but we got to work and survived beautifully. There was no resentment as this is the norm in our circles. Do the best you can but quit there pressure..

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Jul 10 2024, 8:15 pm

Actually I’m asking for a friend. And actually she has two daughters that getting married soon. Sorry for misrepresenting myself. I guess the Kala will need to after the wedding…. So there are no organizations that can help them? I heard there are organizations in New York that help couples before the wedding for clothes and minimal expenses even only before the wedding.

amother

Grape ↓

Wed, Jul 10 2024, 8:17 pm

I agree that your title is misleading.
As for the subject at hand, what was your daughter's plan for paying rent and necessities after she gets married? What is her chosson's plan?
Divorced or not, most parents are not necessarily able to contribute towards a young couple's living expenses. I know mine definitely weren't. Furniture can be purchased cheap or free 2nd hand.
Can she continue learning half-day for her degree and work the other half? Transfer and do school in the evenings?
Can her chosson take on a 2nd job? Driving a bus route maybe?
Not that it's your responsibility to figureit out for them, but if she's turning to you for advice...

amother

↑ Pewter ↓

Wed, Jul 10 2024, 8:18 pm

amother OP wrote:

Actually I’m asking for a friend. Sorry for misrepresenting myself. I guess the Kala will need to after the wedding…. So there are no organizations that can help them? I heard there are organizations in New York that help couples before the wedding for clothes and minimal expenses even only before the wedding.

Yes there are organizations that help people get set up wit things they need if the couple qualifies and gets approved but I never heard of any organization that just hands out money for living expenses after marriage

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Jul 10 2024, 8:29 pm

I spoke with my friend she said her daughter is looking for a job and she only needs to set them up for before the wedding with minimal furniture etc. its so sad that girls are so stressed about money before their wedding. They just finished seminary.

amother

↑ Pewter ↓

Wed, Jul 10 2024, 8:31 pm

amother OP wrote:

I spoke with my friend she said her daughter is looking for a job and she only needs to set them up for before the wedding. its do sad that girls are so stressed so much about money before their wedding. They just finished seminary.

Thats the reality of life and being an adult

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Jul 10 2024, 8:32 pm

amother Pewter wrote:

Thats the reality of life and being an adult

Not for everyone

amother

↑ Grape ↓

Wed, Jul 10 2024, 8:32 pm

What specifically does she need before the wedding? Sheitel? Wedding gown? Housewares?
Where does she live?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Jul 10 2024, 8:40 pm

amother Grape wrote:

What specifically does she need before the wedding? Sheitel? Wedding gown? Housewares?
Where does she live?

She needs all of the above. One of the girls doesn’t have almost anything only part of the wedding.

amother

Lavender ↓

Wed, Jul 10 2024, 8:50 pm

The local wedding Gemach a lot of these places need to verify that theres a need and give
If in NY try Yad Batya Kallah
Try all the wedding Gemach’s
I qualified for a free Gown at a Gemach and being frugal

We didn’t qualify on paper for any of these my parents income was too high but due to large med expenses my parents gave very little like 5k for the wedding and we were ok it’s doable and there are plenty of girls who start off with very little and are ok

Took used furniture, minimal linen towels and clothes etc

amother

Buttercup

Wed, Jul 10 2024, 8:55 pm

amother OP wrote:

The money spent on seminary better be worth something.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Jul 10 2024, 8:57 pm

amother Buttercup wrote:

The money spent on seminary better be worth something.

I think it’s the best investment

amother

Daphne

Wed, Jul 10 2024, 9:08 pm

Yad batya helps with a lot of stuff

It's not so unusual for people to start off their marriage with financial stress especially if they are so young. It's part of life for many. It's an opportunity to be frugal and see what you really need. There is often free or very cheap furniture posted on yad shniyah. I personally got no furniture when I got married...just beds and a couch. We used folding table and chairs. And plastic dressers. It's doable. And bh I was perfectly happy without the fancy furniture.

amother

Trillium

Wed, Jul 10 2024, 9:08 pm

Is she in Lakewood?
Tiferes Devora lkallah will give her everything for her new home linen, dishes, towels, hosewares etc