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Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> Teenagers and Older children
asmileaday
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 Wed, Jul 03 2024, 7:32 am
I'll say this under my screenname.
You are normal!
I think I'm a really good mother and have a close relationship with my children.
I don't miss them when they go to camp!
They are absolutely thrilled there. It's the best feeling, knowing that they're safe and happy and I get to enjoy a little break.
There's nothing wrong with that.
I think it's healthy.
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asmileaday
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Wed, Jul 03 2024, 7:34 am
| happyness wrote: | lol I literally just got a call from him.
“Ma, remember you said if someone bothers me you’ll take me home?”
“Yea…?”
So I’d had a talk about safety and I told him that if anyone chv bothers you and you’re not safe it’s the right thing to tell us and we will come get you.
“So my menahel is horrible and he’s mean to me”
“What’s he doing? Just to you?”
He says to everyone. If you come a few seconds late it’s big trouble.
I asked him if he really wanted to come home over that. I wasn’t sure, but It sounded like he just needed to impress me with the severity of how he thought of the menahel.
“I gotta go Ma”
I was like wait- tell me more
“ I can’t I’ll be late”
I told him to call back, I wanna hear if it’s better.
Not gonna lie, I’m a bit lost. Obviously I need to explain to him what I meant by someone bothering you and not being safe.
Hoping it’s normal? To land from the high and see that camp has got challenges too? |
Ha this made me laugh!
Just listen and validate. He will grow thick skin. It's part of growing up.
Perhaps reclarify the safety issue and what you meant by it when you see him on visiting day (by us that's just a week and half into camp).
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giftedmom
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Wed, Jul 03 2024, 7:37 am
| amother Latte wrote: | the camp lets?
my daughter is given time on friday to call and that's it.
but she's in a very well run small camp and I know that I can always reach out to them and they'll know what's going on with her so it works for us. |
Yeah they have calling cards and phones available. No limits.
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ShishKabob
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Wed, Jul 03 2024, 7:43 am
| amother Mimosa wrote: | It doesn't say much at all. All it says is that you have worked very hard all year and are now enjoying some downtime.
You are a person too. You also deserves breaks and R&R. | This, totally, nothing deeper or sinister
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amother
PlumPink
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Wed, Jul 03 2024, 7:58 am
I miss my daughter who left yesterday but I think she’s fine and really doesn’t miss us that much. I feel like she needed to get back to camp. She was waiting for this for so long. So, I’m not a nervous wreck although I do wish camp would allow her to call and let me know how she’s doing but with just one kid away, I do feel like I’m having a break and I like it. Before she left she told me she won’t miss us but she’ll miss her bed and her bathroom/shower at home… she’s a happy go lucky girl in general and went to camp with a few good friends. Knowing that she’s probably fine helps me relax and enjoy the little break.
My next daughter will be leaving soon. I’ll worry a lot about her and probably won’t have much peace of mind. She’s a very different type of girl than the one who left already. I’ll try to enjoy some quiet time for myself but I’ll probably be too anxious about her to just relax.
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amother
Petunia
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Wed, Jul 03 2024, 8:11 am
I have two leaving today
I feel like shoving them out the door. Instead I'm handing them danishes, pringles, and Arizona, with a smile.
I love them but they give me a rough time purposely. Teenagers!
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amother
Holly
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Wed, Jul 03 2024, 9:08 am
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Interesting my dds camp doesn't let the kids call at all unless there is an emergency. Just letters.
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amother
PlumPink
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Wed, Jul 03 2024, 9:41 am
| amother Holly wrote: | | Interesting my dds camp doesn't let the kids call at all unless there is an emergency. Just letters. |
I was a camper in camp sternberg many years ago and those were the rules back then. We all hated it. I think it was the only camp that never allowed phone calls.
The camp that my girls go to allows phone calls 1x a week but somehow they seem to be able to sneak in another call or two during the week.
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amother
Camellia
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Wed, Jul 03 2024, 10:00 am
| happyness wrote: | lol I literally just got a call from him.
“Ma, remember you said if someone bothers me you’ll take me home?”
“Yea…?”
So I’d had a talk about safety and I told him that if anyone chv bothers you and you’re not safe it’s the right thing to tell us and we will come get you.
“So my menahel is horrible and he’s mean to me”
“What’s he doing? Just to you?”
He says to everyone. If you come a few seconds late it’s big trouble.
I asked him if he really wanted to come home over that. I wasn’t sure, but It sounded like he just needed to impress me with the severity of how he thought of the menahel.
“I gotta go Ma”
I was like wait- tell me more
“ I can’t I’ll be late”
I told him to call back, I wanna hear if it’s better.
Not gonna lie, I’m a bit lost. Obviously I need to explain to him what I meant by someone bothering you and not being safe.
Hoping it’s normal? To land from the high and see that camp has got challenges too? |
Honestly, I think says a lot about your relationship with him! I imagine he's aware what 'safety' means, but he wanted to speak to you, so he's creative, and finds a way!
He wants reassurance that you're there, even if not physically. He called, you heard him, you validated, and he's 'gotta go'. That's exactly what he called you for!
Don't think he wanted to impress you, just wanted to speak to his Mom! I think you answered him well, put the ball in his court, he said he doesn't want to come home. As a Mom of teens, it's the way to go. Had you said 'I'm not bringing you home', it may well have come back to bite you. When you tell him an important 'NO', he can't say 'you don't care about me, when I was miserable in camp you wouldn't let me come home even tho you said you would!'
I don't know your son, but I know teens... 
A sign of a healthy relationship.
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fish
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Wed, Jul 03 2024, 10:13 am
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Ha not only do I not miss mine but I wish she would go for both months. She is so challenging I need a break and I don't think 3.5 weeks is enough for me 🤦
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happyness
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Wed, Jul 03 2024, 10:16 am
| amother Camellia wrote: | Honestly, I think says a lot about your relationship with him! I imagine he's aware what 'safety' means, but he wanted to speak to you, so he's creative, and finds a way!
He wants reassurance that you're there, even if not physically. He called, you heard him, you validated, and he's 'gotta go'. That's exactly what he called you for!
Don't think he wanted to impress you, just wanted to speak to his Mom! I think you answered him well, put the ball in his court, he said he doesn't want to come home. As a Mom of teens, it's the way to go. Had you said 'I'm not bringing you home', it may well have come back to bite you. When you tell him an important 'NO', he can't say 'you don't care about me, when I was miserable in camp you wouldn't let me come home even tho you said you would!'
I don't know your son, but I know teens...
A sign of a healthy relationship. |
OK thanks!
I did get a bit mama bear and I hope I didn’t respond in a too nervous way, ( why was he mean to you? What did he do.. in a worried voice) that he could ride on instead of getting stronger.
It’s a hard balance knowing when to let them figure it out vs getting involved…
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amother
Seablue
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Wed, Jul 03 2024, 10:29 am
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Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
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amother
Slateblue
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Wed, Jul 03 2024, 10:32 am
| amother Cyclamen wrote: | | It means you needed a break for yourself to recharge. They are safe and happy and cared for. You'll enjoy them more when they get home. |
This.
It means that you really needed this break.
It won’t help your kids if you collapse or have a nervous break down.
You put them in a safe place and went to catch your breath.
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happyness
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Wed, Jul 03 2024, 12:07 pm
Update:
Called again
“Ma we played capture the flag with five teams and there’s farina for supper and the menahel is nuts cuz he considers two seconds late …”
Mama bear is calm 
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amother
Camellia
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Wed, Jul 03 2024, 1:55 pm
| happyness wrote: | OK thanks!
I did get a bit mama bear and I hope I didn’t respond in a too nervous way, ( why was he mean to you? What did he do.. in a worried voice) that he could ride on instead of getting stronger.
It’s a hard balance knowing when to let them figure it out vs getting involved… |
Yes not always easy to find the right balance. It's hit and miss. Or trial and error.
That's why the Bechor gets Pi Sh'nayim, they prevent the parents making mistake on the next kids... If the parents mess up with him, they'll do better for the next Lol.
Don't know a first-born girl doesn't get double portion, but I won't start, not on here!
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NewStart
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Wed, Jul 03 2024, 5:44 pm
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Same here! My kids only go for a month and my younger kids are home. I love being able to give my younger kids more attention. I wonder if they went for 2 months if I’d miss them more- but a month goes by in a flash.
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amother
Smokey
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Wed, Jul 03 2024, 6:41 pm
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Enjoy your break. It doesn’t mean anything.
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amother
Ruby
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Wed, Jul 03 2024, 7:04 pm
It means you’ll be a good mother in law 
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amother
Lemonchiffon
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Wed, Jul 03 2024, 7:48 pm
Little kids all asleep house is quiet. We even had story time tonight and everyone had my full attention. One dinner was served and I knew nobody was coming back to the kitchen searching for more food after I finished bedtime. As I nursed the baby to sleep the only sounds where early fireworks outside. There was,no bashing fighting or loud music thats not my style to be kind. I had the kitchen to myself to wash the dishes and sweep the floors. When hubby comes,in we will lock the doors. No need to call worry and search for teens out past curfew. I truly love them but I paid enough for their vacation I'm ganna enjoy mine totally guilt free!!! 
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amother
Lightgray
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Wed, Jul 03 2024, 7:57 pm
| fish wrote: | | Ha not only do I not miss mine but I wish she would go for both months. She is so challenging I need a break and I don't think 3.5 weeks is enough for me 🤦 |
So is mine. She has adhd and ODD. She left today and it's blissful
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