Kollel Wife being Supported in Israel AMA

amother

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 1:39 pm

Wolfsbane wrote:

What was the process like finding a job in Israel as an American? Is your job something that will be easy to transfer to in the US?
Did you complete a degree before or during your time in Israel - and if not, is that something you plan to do when you return to the US?

I got a job for a US healthcare company here, but entry level and does not pay well.
Got married very young, but had my BA-and was headed towards a masters level program which I hope to do once we are in the US.

Had we made the decision to stay in Israel, I would have invested in a career here, but the effort/Ivrit was not worth it (for me)
because this is relatively short term

amother

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 1:43 pm

amother Tanzanite wrote:

It's life for a lot of people. Sometimes things aren't ideal. I see him more over chagim and in between semesters.

And I grew up this way- my father worked all day and learned at night, my parents spent an hour together from 11-12 (from what I was privy to;) so that is my "norm" and something I am happy with.
To me this doesn't seem not ideal, it just life for busy people who are accomplishing what they need to do...my parents have an amazing marriage and so do we- every night we have 30 minutes of real quality time bH

joonabug

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 1:47 pm

amother OP wrote:

I responded on a different post about the flexibility I have now with WFH and making up hours at night, and in general I think having older kids makes smaller spacing between kids even harder, so I agree that things will likely change (going with the flow with what has been making sense till now and will continue to do so )
But happens to be my husband's schedule is far from easy- he's out at 7 in the morning and comes home for an hour for supper (7:45-8:45) and only comes home from night seder close to 12, so I am very much on my own with kids every day

I really respect how much you allow your husband to go learn, my husband is learning in kollel as well and it is not easy! staying home all afternoon w 3 under 4 plus being preg wow ur really awesome! especially bc it seems so easy to just tell dh to come home for lunch etc bc its an option . for real you seem like a really great wife!

amother

Tanzanite

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 1:52 pm

amother OP wrote:

Everyone's needs are different. For us this isn't ideal, and it's harder on both of our mental health - I don't know if I'd say marriage per say. We both need more down time with each other than we are getting right now.

amother

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 1:54 pm

joonabug wrote:

Maybe a good wife, working on my mothering!
I was posting plenty today when I was supposed to be focusing on my kids TMI

Happens to be the 4 year old comes home at 3 (tzaharon) and she takes up all the energy and attention in the house, so lunchtime is really no biggie.

amother

Lemon

Mon, Jul 01 2024, 4:49 am

amother Tanzanite wrote:

I could have written this post and DH barely has time to learn anymore, between our SN kids and his job. I also work full-time. We split childcare and housework approximately evenly and there simply aren't enough hours in the day.

We could use a full-time housekeeper. And someone to take our most challenging SN child off our hands. And then maybe our mental health would be better.

Soooo I don't really know that we wouldn't be the same or better off in kollel. DH would be learning more and that would make him a lot happier, and there are benefits that kollel families get that the rest of us don't, and the kollel schedule is flexible enough that it wouldn't harm out work-life balance and might actually help it. Our bottom line would be hurt, somewhat, but really, by how much? I don't know.

Down the line of course it hurts because if you don't set aside pension while in kollel you have that many less years of saving for retirement. But in the here and now? We might be doing similarly, depending on where he learned and what benefits were offered.