Kollel Wife being Supported in Israel AMA

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amother

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 7:11 am

Ask whatever!
Obviously this is my personal experience and I CANNOT speak to anyone else's experiences

amother

Bellflower

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 7:19 am

Which side gives more support ?
Do you have any income?

amother

Magnolia

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 7:30 am

Are you living simply?

amother

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 7:35 am

amother Bellflower wrote:

Which side gives more support ?
Do you have any income?

My parents give more than my in-laws, both are loving and so generous

I work 25 hours a week at a remote job for a US company, and have a 5-10 hr/week side hustle that is commission based.

amother

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 7:38 am

amother Magnolia wrote:

Are you living simply?

I try to- We live in a 2 bdrm (spacious thought) with 3 kids (expecting 4th BEZH) and I don't have cleaning help or buy takeout...My shaitels are since I got married 5 years ago
But my parents are very comfortable so I have some expensive clothes and shoes for my kids that my mother treats us to (would never ask), but personally, I shop sales.

amother

Azure

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 7:38 am

Do you have family nearby or
Are you very independent type to move far away?

How is day to day life there as a newlywed? Having babies and how often do you see your parents?

amother

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 7:46 am

amother Azure wrote:

Do you have family nearby or
Are you very independent type to move far away?

How is day to day life there as a newlywed? Having babies and how often do you see your parents?

I have family here but am the independent type

We go back for Pesach and weddings in the family, and my parents come frequently to visit, and my mother drops everything when we have a baby (her personality, she is the epitome of the worrying and extra-caring mom)

Newly married I really struggled to get a job and establish myself, but feel very lucky to have grown with my husband and figured things out together (we moved 3 days after sheva brachos so really had no distractions from each other in the beginning)

I live in a community with a lot of people living similarly to me- young couples away from family, so post-birth meal trains and other mothers watching my kids in the afternoons in the weeks after birth are a huge help.

amother

Azure

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 7:51 am

amother OP wrote:

Sounds beautiful!! The first few years set the tone for your marriage and you able to learn so much living independently and encouraging him to learn

Success10

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 8:04 am

Do you see yourself staying in Israel? How many days of yontiv do you keep?

amother

Aqua

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 8:04 am

are you happy in life?

Crookshanks

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 8:08 am

Success10 wrote:

Do you see yourself staying in Israel? How many days of yontiv do you keep?

Literally followed this thread because I am invested in this question lol

amother

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 8:11 am

Success10 wrote:

Do you see yourself staying in Israel? How many days of yontiv do you keep?

I truly wish, we plan on moving to the US in the next few years which makes me sad...personal reasons related to our family and specific circumstances
we keep two days:)

joonabug

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 8:13 am

does your husband plan on staying in kollel when you move to america? what community do you see yourself moving to in america?

amother

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 8:14 am

amother Aqua wrote:

are you happy in life?

Most of the time!
Feel very blessed to have a husband who is learning very seriously and has really grown in yiddishkeit since we got married (I hope I have too) and that we are lucky to be able to start off in this simpler environment, that I can take a bus and daven in the holiest place...

amother

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 8:31 am

joonabug wrote:

does your husband plan on staying in kollel when you move to america? what community do you see yourself moving to in america?

He will likely stay in kollel in the US, I would love to move out of town, but we will probably end up near family (our parents live in the same city).
He has a specific way of learning that will likely not be possible in a small out-of-town kollel which also influences that decision

amother

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 8:32 am

Crookshanks wrote:

Literally followed this thread because I am invested in this question lol

same circumstances?

amother

DarkRed

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 8:44 am

Would you advise someone to do what you’re doing if they don’t have support or very little support?

Crookshanks

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 8:59 am

amother OP wrote:

same circumstances?

Just nosy

amother

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 8:59 am

amother DarkRed wrote:

Would you advise someone to do what you’re doing if they don’t have support or very little support?

I think you need to crunch the numbers and do research:
It can be done without support if you find an affordable apartment and can get a job that pays well/husband is in a well-paying kollel.

There are neighborhoods in yerushalayim that are cheaper than where I am (but not by much) and there are jobs that pay WAY better...

but I wouldn't advise people to do anything, in general- people have to do what makes sense for them.
I can wax lyrical like a sem teacher but it wouldn't be honest based on my circumstances...

amother

Nemesia

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 9:10 am

You mentioned that you're married 5 years and having your fourth kid!!!

I live in Jerusalem too and the baby culture here is overwhelming!

Some of my family and friends have babies every 1.5 years! And the minute they move back, they seem to space their kids more. I am overwhelmed for them when we sit in the park or by simchos etc.

Do you think there is pressure here to have many babies? I think Rabbonim here are much stricter about BC. What are your thoughts?

(I am married five years too and just had my second)

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